Choices

Do we really have choices in life?

In fact, "Life is just a matter of living until the day we fail to breathe." Brutal, but honest. 

I have accepted and adhere to this statement as far I could remember.

However, rather than dwelling on these thoughts, I have set myself a goal in life.

I just want to be HAPPY. Nothing more or less. I figured by doing the whatever I want then I can achieve this so called happiness. After letting this mindset sink in, I not only got a lot happier, I dare boldly say that I am stress-free. To be frank, that is what I tell employers during interview, no joke.

Again in my blog posts, I would like to emphasize everything written down are based on my own personal views (plus some minor research). I hope through my posts it will help some of you out there see things from a different perspective. In this post, we will be discussing a little on MILLENIAL WORKFORCE, ACHIEVERS and STRESS.

Working in the training industry is very interesting, as one fine day, I had an amazing opportunity to sit among the Leaders of the insurance agencies, in a talk about recruiting millennials to their workforce. The speaker that day was Benjamin Loh, a young and vibrant professional trainer and speaker from Singapore. I can clearly remember during his speech, I repeatedly nodded my head along all the points he has spoken. Specifically, he made very valid and significant points on the characteristics of workforce from different generations (Baby boomers -> Gen Y). This ranges from "I do what I have been told" baby boomers to "Why am I doing this, what is the reason behind it" Gen Y/Millennial. Funny, but as he said that, I realised that I always ask my supervisor the reason behind every single thing she has asked me to do. Like it or not, Benjamin said, companies have to adhere to culture which the millennials are radiating in the present. Basically, as "WORKFORCE 2020" is gradually approaching, Millennials (1980-1995) and Gen Z (1996-present) will make up for a total of 59% of the global workforce. So what do WE want? According to Park Communications Ltd., Millennials want four things, new opportunities, communications, recognition and work-life balance apart from money itself. Now, it can be unrealistic for traditional large corporate firms to achieve all this 4 criteria, especially in Malaysia. Honestly though, do they even need to retain their workforce? Recruiting is not the issue of multinational corporate firms, as I believe some (if not most) fresh graduates would literally do anything, from boosting their CV by joining literally every events in university or ride connections from anyone they can get to enter into these firms.

After successfully entering the corporate workforce, then they would think when to leave after getting the necessary experiences and certifications. I believe corporate firms are aware of this, and therefore, would treat workers as expendables. If you do not like to work, somebody else will work for us. So bye. Of course, joining a corporate firm has its own perks, such as large exposures to different projects, budget for employee personal training and development, sponsorship for exams w/ or w/ bonding the employee. However, working for such a large corporate with a household name also meant that the individual would have to adapt to the company structure, stick by the long working hours (which can include no overtime pay), office politics (stepping on each other to gain promotion) and etc.

Therefore, it is not hard to see that millennials would start to slowly move in to greener pastures, which is what what we call, entrepreneurship. (Or what I'd like to call, Be my own boss.) 

The power of internet and social medias provide vast opportunities for people for any range group to venture into their own business. Over the years, many of us can see the rise of start-ups which in the end transformed into market disruptors in their respective industries. (To name a two famous examples, Grabcar & Uber - Taxi industry; AirBNB - Hotel industry.) Moreover, with the abundance of internet celebrities slowly come into existence, this meant that self-branding and marketing has become seemingly potent in entrepreneurship. The appeal of good features coupled with  well-built physique cannot be underestimated in the role of fetching various advertisements or modelling opportunities.

So, what's up with ACHIEVERS and STRESS?
According to Venho (April 11, 2016), "Some high achievers are always in pursuit of perfection." It does seem like these high-caliber individuals have the tendency to not reduce stress, but garner all these stress factors and transform them into working drive. Again, mentally I have no doubt these people are strong enough to handle it, but physically and psychologically, is that true? The body produces a special hormone called cortisol which will react vigorously to stress. When an individual overexert him or herself, for example, burning the midnight oil, this will lead to an elevation of cortisol (Leproult, 1997). The result of this cortisol serves as a energy booster as a function to maintain the awareness of the mind and body. Moreover, this elevation was also found to be able to affect the quality of sleep, forming what seems to be a positive feedback loop.

Somehow, we seemed to let our minds run faster than the body. "Stress can be adapted, sleep can be adapted, it is just a matter of time and practice", I have received this from many out there. Indeed the mind is very flexible, adaptable and have the definite potential of spewing wild fire all over imaginary visualizations. The body, in contrary, has some sort of a limit to it and an alarm system. Of course, many times we have to sacrifice our time and health (mostly young guns out there) in order to make ends meet or raise our own capital.. but what if the money we are desperately trying to generate will end up as hefty payments for our health in the future? What are we actually working so hard for then?

In the end, there is no wrong and right to everything. Maybe, the yearn for work-life balance from the millennials is an alarm about the importance of managing stress and health? Or will employers see it as a form of laziness or irresponsibility? How long can night producers continue to defy the basics of the human circadian rhythm and  acquiring rest? Are we consistently letting our mind run faster than the body?

I have only just started crawling in this world called society but I am crawling slowly and consistently. Will it be better to repeatedly run fast and fall?

Lastly, to all readers out there (if any), your decision now in life, is it worth it?


Jayden


http://www.parkcom.co.uk/millennials-rule-workforce-2020/
http://www.moodmetric.com/how-can-moodmetric-help-an-ambitious-achiever/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9415946

Revival + My ACL-Meniscus story

My incompetency to create consistent blog posts have been nothing short of disappointing. There were times which I had a strong urge to update my thoughts and feelings but somehow the ideas have dropped gradually. Looking back to what I have previously written, it has been a little more than 2 years that I actually left a mark here. However, in the year of 2018 I have decided to set myself a rule, which is to do a monthly update of my blog. This can include topics which can be very controversial as it will be from my point of view. I do understand my non-filter approach will shade a negative light on myself but I hope to help people see things from a different approach.

In this blogpost, let's take a stroll down my memory lane, back to the beginnings of my 3rd university year in September 2017. I could still distinctly remember that one rainy evening, when I was still sitting in my room contemplating on whether I should go to the basketball tryouts. Little did I know, this decision of mine would change every plan I have in my last year at university. I have been suffering from knee locking a few years ago prior to this, resulting from minor tears of the the meniscus and ACL in my knee. However, I used to able to unlock my knee successfully every time it happened. That particular evening, I heard a snap in my knee after landing from what seemed like a normal rebound. Immediately I knew I was in a disaster. I could not even straighten my knee, there was no way I could even move my leg. Ladies and gentlemen, this happened at the time before the university classes even begun.

This event left a bad taste in my mouth. For the three months in university, I had to maneuver around the hilly campus using a pair of crutches. The constant snapping in my knee due to every movement of my dangling leg left me with a hellish experience even during sleep. When the pain felt slightly better, I could start limping my way, knees locked, to classes and even my mentoring job. Now, you probably would have asked me, did you not go for surgery immediately? The answer is, I was on the waiting list of surgery, which could only take place in the following January (2017). Moreover, I fully understood the consequences of an ACL-Meniscus surgery, there was no way I could support myself immediately after the surgery. I needed assistance.

December 2016, my last Christmas in the UK, I flew back to Malaysia to receive surgery for my knee. 2 days after my arrival, I had my first ever surgery (as far as I can recall). On the surgery day, I found myself lying on the hospital bed, getting pushed in to the surgery room, challenging to stay awake after an anesthesia jab and failed miserably.

I literally counted myself to sleep.. 1,2,3..

The moment I opened my eyes, I was already in the midst of getting transfered to the hospital ward. Still shivering from the effects of the anesthesia, I caught a glimpse of my family members and the doctor standing by the corridor. I mustered some strength to ask the doctor, "did everything go well?" Before I could really get an answer, I fell back into sleep. When I was completely awake, I realised ironically, my knee was on full stretch and I could barely bend it. My leg was in pain and it was even worse than before, I could barely move it. For the second time since my fall, I felt a sense of helplessness. I feared for the worst, my leg would not be the same as before.

On the 3rd day of my hospitalisation, I had to LEARN to walk again. That morning, doctor stopped by my bedside and gave me a pair of 4-legged crutches. He told me with a stern look, "you have to learn how to walk normally". I dragged my body down the bed and immediately got to work. It has been 3 days since I have not felt the ground and as soon as my feet touch the floor, a jolt of pain ran through my leg. My left leg literally could not support my body and I could feel the other half was overworking to compensate. It took me almost 5 minutes just for me to get off my bed and reach the door of my ward. I was very much in distraught. Learning to walk again was tough, not just physically but also psychologically. It took me 15 minutes to support myself through a journey of 100 metres outside my ward and I could only curse at myself as nurses, visitors and other patients walked past me, staring. I have never been so helpless. As someone who boasts his speed in sports, my ego was completely crushed. This LEARNING went on til the 4th day, when I was given a 2 legged crutches, which I struggled more due to the weakened support and greater reliance of both my legs.

And it was on the very 4th day, I did not only curse to myself, I cursed to the sky and asked why before getting discharged on the very 5th day.

What came in the post-surgery phase required even more grit. Now, let me demonstrate how stiff and straightened my leg was. In my first session of my rehab, I could only do half-cycles on the cycling machine for the whole week. For me, cycling barely took any effort in the past. Now, I had to focus and put all my attention to it. To enhance my progress, I had an 8 sessions of intensive rehab lined up in 2 weeks right before I flew back to UK. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is definitely not enough of training to an ACL-ruptured leg back into strength. Due to my inability to walk, this brought me into a brand new experience in the airport. For the first time, I got to sat in the wheelchair and pushed all the way to the departure gate. This is also the first time, I got a taste (albeit just a little) of what being disabled felt. I grasped my crutches and my bag close to me as I was wheeled around in the airport. I had this unpleasant feeling whereby all eyes were set straight on me.

PEOPLE ARE BORN TO JUDGE. THERE IS NO WAY THAT AS HUMAN WE DO NOT JUDGE AT ALL. BEING judgemental, HOWEVER, IS A DIFFERENT STORY.

I shall end my story here. All in all, I am grateful that I have managed to recover well and am able to walk and play sports normally again. Despite that, I am slightly disappointed that I can no longer translate my competitive spirit on playing sports again. The fact that my leg has been under the knife meant that it would not be the same again, performance-wise and durability-wise.

That will be all from this post. I have lots more to share on my recovery but feel free to message me or just bringing this topic up the next time we meet.


Signing off,

Jayden

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

Psycho

So.. I have been interning for 6 weeks now and all I can say that what a tiring life. Looking at my fellow consultants in the company constantly making phone calls, coming in and leaving the office at unequal times, it feels like being a consultant is not as relaxing as I thought. To be honest, I reckon that I am capable of taking up a role of a consultant in the near future, however, I doubt that I would want to sacrifice so much of my time dealing with such straining and hectic matters. Oh well.. maybe it's just due to the current company's clients being so slow-paced and shitty, the consultants have to be extra persuasive to obtain data from their HR group. Government agencies.. tsk.

I can only say this for now, "Intern life is fun, but working life is tough", and this all starts with the sleep schedule. I value my sleep a lot, and require the optimum 8 hours of sleep to be at my best. Currently, I can't say that I have that amount of luxury to sleep that long.. hmm.. I think I am averaging about 6 hours right now? Obviously, the easiest solution to this is to sleep early.. but well, at this age, throwing myself at the bed any time before 12 seems like an impossible task.

There're just so many things I want to enjoy this summer, but I just do not have sufficient time for everything. However, up til now, I have gotta admit that this summer break has been very worthwhile in comparison to my last one. The year before, I literally did nothing basically, spending most of the time at home folding clothes, playing games.. it was totally a waste of youth.

**

So coming back to my further plans in the UK.. I guess it's about time to start traveling around heavily. Not sure whether that I would able to find people to do that together though.., and I am likely to be too timid to go bag packing alone. Why? My ridiculously poor sense of direction is the main reason. Parahippocampal area, an area in the brain containing neurons for spatial location. The size of that region and its amount of cerebral fluid  determines an individual's spatial memory capability. My mom also has a very bad sense of directions and I might have prolly inherited this. So, what does it feel like to be someone who has a very bad sense of direction? Just imagine yourself driving, you would read the landmarks, look at the road signs, and be very aware of the surroundings right? For me, all I see is a straight road with nothing around. Unless I have driven the same path repetitively, the effort to recall and backtrack the roads I have taken will be futile.

That's how bad it is.

**

Hmm.. updating my blog in the office is kinda fun. My work-life balance is kind of screwed up right now. One day, I would have an extreme amount of work and on the other, I would have no work at all. Well, having to work is better than not working, at least I wouldn't doze off in the office... which I reckon my colleagues have seen me done it a few times already.

Sorry not sorry though. xd

Jayden

Death by Motivation

Motivation is something which people often talk about. Why? It is a word that carries such strength and importance which somehow gets integrated into our life so seamlessly. I still remember when I was back in U.K., I came across an article about a suicide incident on Facebook which happened in Malaysia. Overwhelmed with curiosity, I clicked into the link and read through the whole article. Shockingly, the victim of the suicide had cited the lack of motivation and meaning of life as the reason of his suicide. This makes me rethink the word "motivation", why is it so powerful, and how impactful can it really be?

I am not a firm believer of the word 'Motivation'. I often laugh at the thought of people attending motivational talks or courses (intrinsically) and how they would spend outrageous sum of money on them. Being someone who is hard-nosed and straightforward, to me, motivation should not exist in any context so much so that it determines the capability of an individual doing something or completing a task. My motto in life, is to finish the things that I should finish, and to finish the thing I have planned in a certain time frame. I never let procrastination get in my way, and I play my cards in a really safe manner.. which is to work first, and enjoy later.

So.. what has propelled or rather, urged me to say my two cents about motivation? This is why. Recently, most of my friends are having exams and yeah as usual, motivational posts start to flood through my Facebook feed. So, the annoying part is that, there are always the same few friends (whom I actually know), repeatedly sharing all these motivation posts.. I mean la why la bro/sis.. are you that desperate for motivation or are you just seeking for likes? Instead of looking and sharing these stuffs, why not just spend some time and try to focus? If you can't focus, just watch some youtube, get your mind cleared off for a moment and resume studying.

GUILT. EXCUSES.

I don't know really. I just think the word 'motivation' only appears to be a positive word. Why? It's because most of the time, there is a reason behind the usage of the word - potentially a negative one. One of the most common (and overused) motivational phrase I reckon is - "Turn failure into motivation". In appearance it is a rather comforting and convincing word to use. Psychologically, I would tell you, if you believe that, you are falling into the trap of optimism bias.

Realistically, you've just failed. Does that mean you didn't have motivation during your first try? No. What makes you think that the motivation after your first failure is able to propel you to success?

So, if  somebody has failed, instead of going 'Learn from your mistakes', I will just pull a straight face and say "You've failed. And if you don't pass the next time, you will fail again."

Harsh, but that's the truth. And if I am your friend, I won't be sugarcoating my words. Because deep in my heart, all I wish for you is to be successful, and also a little bit stronger mentally.


Jayden

语录

堆垒在这蓝天的话语，
脆弱地，
不堪地，
崩落消失；
残留下来的，
一小戳后悔，
今日也是，
什么都，
一成不变。

END

So, the end of the 2nd year of my Psychology degree is nearing. In exactly two weeks time, I will be in my motherland embracing the company of my friends and family members. Time sure passes fast, the start of my 2nd year felt like yesterday. Amazingly, now I think about it, I have done so much this past year, from traveling, studying, meeting people and some self-development. In comparison to some of my friends and peers from the same age, I might not have the flashiest university life in the UK but it is definitely satisfying for me and I have to say I enjoyed it very much.

Nearing the end of this year, I feel that I have grown a bit myself, mentally. I have become more outspoken and have less fear in engaging with conversations. In the Portugal trip itself, I did muster the courage a few times, chatting with cashiers and waiters about the legends of their culture (such as the Rooster of Barcelos) and also the must-try delicacies around Portugal. To be honest, I went to the trip with a group of friends who are not as initiative as me, and I thought this would be a great opportunity to just step up my game.

Still, throughout my academic year, I continue to attend classes alone most of the time and hastily return to my flat right after them. Only occasionally, there are some friends who  sit with me in lectures. With roughly 6 classes spread throughout the week in each term, it makes no sense for me to hang around the campus right after classes as I live in the university accommodation. 5 minutes walk is all it takes for me to arrive at my class. As a result, I do not really have many friends from my course unfortunately. As a trade-off, I made some good friends in the flat which have transformed my daily living here a comedy.

On the other hand, with the help of some friends and also plenty of time commitment, I barely managed to escape the 3k bracket in DotA and am now a 4k player. This also marks the end of my commitment into the game and am finally taking a break from this game until I am back in Malaysia. Among this group of friends, I am (admittedly) the weakest link and also not the most technically skilled player. However, one of my friends is so toxic it ruins the fun of the game for the whole team. Even us (the rest of the friends) would sometimes have to mute him because of the flaming and babyrages. It did remind myself of the past where I was also a toxic player, but hell I do not think that I am as bad as this, hopefully. Well, I guess time made me less of a tryhard now and just play for the sake of having fun with the group.

Finally, I also managed to find an internship. An actual internship in the field which I might plan to pursue in the future. Although, it might have a low pay, it is still a good way to spend my summer gaining valuable experience and learning process from this internship. Ahh.. can't wait.. finally some good news man. I think Psychology students really have it hard in looking for an internship in well-known companies in the country, especially a business-specialized one. I really hate the stereotype of 'Psychology' in Malaysia, as people often think that it has something to do with mental health and crazy people. I am planning to do my Masters in Industrial/Organisational Psychology in the future and it doesn't involve treating mental health patients, nor researching brains and mind-reading. The role of an I/O Psychologists is to help the growth of a company by motivation of the workforce.. and this is why corporate experience is of paramount importance to me this coming summer.

I am really grateful that I am able to get this internship and finally have something promising to do in this coming 3 months. That being said, I am only back for a relatively short time as compared to my friends studying overseas, but I hope I can get the most out of it.. including meeting friends who I have not met for a long time, and also spending quality time with my family members and relatives.

To those taking exams, good luck and just try your best. The most important tests always exist outside of the academic bubble.

Why live a stressed out life when you only live once? Just enjoy what you do and have no regrets.


Jayden

Crey.

So if anyone doesn't know, I've always had this little shoujo 少女 living in part of my persona. I love to read mangas and have read a fair share of shoujo mangas in the past few years. Well, it's good to have a bit of fantasy and romance sometimes you know.

Man.. so I have this habit of not being able to stop after I have started on a new manga series and always ended up reading them up till very late at night. This is something I would have to stop as the examinations are coming up.. and I guess I will, starting today.

So there is this one manga author and artist called Seo Kouji, who I think is a master in portraying and developing a romantic plot infused with multiple plot twists and such. The great thing about 3 of his works that I have read, Suzuka, Kimi no Iru Machi and Fuuka, are that their plot takes place mainly in high school up til college/university, which I can deeply relate to. Well, ecchi in the manga is also one of his specialty I guess, with occasional fan services (guys would enjoy this) intertwined between the chapters.

So yeah, one typical genre of romance in manga is to feature a guy as the main character and surround him with girls who fancy him. And things always happen with those girls, sometimes a love triangle, sometimes some tragic incidents. After reading this genre for so long, I assumed that I am quite immune to those incoming plot twists.

But no,

Last night, I was binge reading Fuuka, trying to catch up to the latest chapter.. and I think a part of me regretted the decision. Fuuka was an amazing girl in the manga, always high spirits and cheerful and obviously, she and the main character fell in love with each other. It was in the mid chapters which their relationship really started to bloom and I was expecting some sweet moments following in the future. But no, something tragic happened and my heart immediately shattered. I wasn't ready for that shock, but still, I persisted on reading the following chapters, about 40 chapters more I think. There were several moments in the manga really made my tears flow, literally.. the feeling was indescribable.

I thought about the times which I had cried due to a manga or anime,
I did it on Anohana, Barakoman, Sket-dance and now Fuuka. I don't even know man, especially in Anohana, my tears were pouring from episode 1 right till 12 (the end). The effect of tv dramas and movies are not as intense compared to what mangas are able to provide me.

Mangas are stationary boxes of drawings that somehow plays in your mind like a movie. Room of imagination is just what you need to make everything come alive.

But still maaan, Fuuka.. why do you do this to my fragile heart. Now I am really longing for the progress of the storyline.


Signing off with a heartache,


Jayden