The fuck?

*Just expressing my feelings.. no offenses to anybody.

It's 2.06 p.m. now.. approximately 1/2 hour since I had reached home. Currently onlining from the corner side of the living room in the house, borrowing internet from the neighbour on the opposite side of us (my couz).. Weather's bright blue outside today, filled with clouds, wind blowing hastily. Pretty unlike the feelings of anybody.

Okay, so basically I just wanna confess the truth.. The start of school wasn't the best for me.
Okay.. maybe it was.. for receiving cookies on the first day? Aha.. wasn't expecting that to come tho. So, Thank You Baka. (;

And until that night, I was simply troubled. The fact that, he knows I'm easily jealous or emotionally weak.. posted something not very nice. Which made me ponder a lot.. guessing, twisting, turning and most of all.. thinking hell lots abt her.

This brought me to the past, abt the fight, my arrogance, my mistake which got us separated even til now. Hasn't spoken, trying to speak, but failed. There's a chat.. saying ' you should know who to care about more '.. I do know. But does she know? I don't know. However, whenever I wanna go talk to her, he will always be there. I'm paranoid now.. how am I suppose to care about someone when someone is keeping her distance away.

Emotional much, I can't even mix into the EPC nowadays. Bull shit VP1.. It isn't my fault for not joining you guys. I somehow ruined the mood there. Every time I was there.. someone will keep quiet.. and it will be followed by the rest.. which.. can't be denied. As far as I tried, the only one who I can get along are only a few. Sometimes, I feel really outcasted, it's my problem tho.

Friend isn't a problem.. bt it's a bit unfair to me. Since the day, he told me, you should know who to care about. It really got me thinking until this very time. She told you that, and now she's keep finding you? And how the hell should I care about her when she's constantly finding you. It's not your problem though. It's my jealousy problem at first, bt now, it's neither that anymore. Seems like she's much more happier chatting with you guys.. sometimes I doubt that, did I even make her laugh, or even smile before?

Finding Pei Jean to chat wasn't much of a help, but at least I had a friend to confess to and give advice to. Told her everything, and she feels like im acting like a girl in the relationship and she's the guy. shit, why am I constantly missing her.. thinking of her..and have no idea what she is thinking about..damned it.

I don't know how often you guys visit my blog. If you guys see this, dont take it too seriously. It's always better for me to write out how the fuck I feel. It's so cold now, as 'the warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading' Tears dont fall, BFMV. I have no idea how to buy back time. which I really want to.

And by the way, today Sue Ann jz asked me something..
"Why guys like to break girl's heart?" and for me I feel the different, coz knowing nothing about what you think all these while is already enough to break me down. Because I too.. need someone to care about.

Excuse me.. Imma hug my pillow and cry to sleep.

And tek, I jz wanted to say hi to you, and you just breezed past me. Like no one cares.