Exams are coming in two weeks and I am still here taking a chill pill.
The urgency to study is just not there, however, I have made preparations for it which I feel sufficient enough for me to at least pass the exams. I do want to reach for the moon and go for an overall first-class for my first year, but it seems that the motivation is just not there. There seem to be someone, an illusory figure - something like a 'lil-jay' lying deep inside my consciousness, telling me to relax and play some DotA. That being said, my improved self-control has allowed me to limit the number of games which I play everyday (none at all, sometimes), which I should feel pretty proud of. Yeah, I think after this blog post, I should really go into overdrive and set my mind on the right target.
It has been a great Easter break, but I might just have to leave my updates until after the exams.
So, in this blog post, I will just resort to talking about some of my feelings, mood and some self-reflection.
After leaving college for about a year, I realize more and more of my friends have gotten into a relationship, some from the college, some from the university. It's great to see photos of some of them who are more public with their relationship and it seems like they are having a great time with their partners. Subconsciously, this made me think a lot about being in a relationship, the effects, pros and cons, and the feeling and meaning it gives to a person. To be honest, I missed being in a relationship.. and my last one, although not that long, was certainly enough to provide a great sense of how being liked by a girl feels like and how liking her and the willingness to do anything to be around her feels like. However, in the other part of consciousness, it is reminding me of how being tied to someone means that many issues will come into play, and it will take time to maintain a long-term relationship. Responsibility, trust and minor things such as maintaining the interest of the partner and his/her expectancy, all play a vital role in maintaining a not only healthy but also blissful relationship. It not only requires a lot of effort but most importantly, sacrifice.
Yes, the rage of DotA is back. I have been trying to take a have fun and pure enjoyment approach towards the game but sometimes for me, in-game flaming (scolding, blaming, etc..) is unavoidable. Little do I have any idea behind the reason of my eagerness to win in a mere online game which amounts to nothing when it is over. As a multi-player game which requires people to work together together to achieve an objective, communication between the players is paramount. Playing with random teammates, it is my obligation to give out some instructions/opinions of what is happening in real-game situations. Here comes the most important part. Sometimes, people just either:
a) don't respond
b) respond with a language from another country
c) make a counter argument
d) starts flaming
e) follows
Let me tell you, for the case of c), I would listen if they actually tell me what are they planning to do as this acts at a signal to me that you are actually aware of the current situation.
The worst kind of players, in my opinion, are players who don't communicate and expect people to know what they are thinking, and the worst part is, there are some of my friends who are this type of player. This leads to definite flaming as the rules are simple. Let me break it down. Imagine telling someone what your plans as you see an opportunity for the goal, that person doesn't respond to you, and you went for the opportunity but ended up being dead because you are outnumbered (2-1, 3-2, 4-3 in this case) by the opposing team. I have always been a keyboard warrior in games, because I want people to know my next move, and most of the times people just ignore and don't say a shit. For fuck sake, if you want to play a team game, learn to communicate and stop hiding behind the screen and judge. Sometimes I think a little flaming can sometimes have a positive impact on the game despite the usage of harsh sentences as people actually discuss about the situation.
I am not a pro gamer or anything, but you don't have to be a pro gamer to learn how to work as a team.
One of the modules of my exams is titled, Human Development, Cognition and Emotion. I can already envision my downfall in this paper. Human thoughts man, I mean I went through the lecture notes of my module and could understand 90% of the contents, but to pick apart the contents and answer the questions individually just feels like an impossible task. Due to the fact that there are too many abstract information, numerous theories and experiments that can be tested regarding the brain, it is going to be a struggle to fit everything in my working memory. Too much on-going proactive interference. (Learning of a new subject affects the memory of the previous subject),
Somebody help help help help.
Sincerely,
Jayden-requires-your-help-if-anyone-ever-reads-this-post
