Psycho

So.. I have been interning for 6 weeks now and all I can say that what a tiring life. Looking at my fellow consultants in the company constantly making phone calls, coming in and leaving the office at unequal times, it feels like being a consultant is not as relaxing as I thought. To be honest, I reckon that I am capable of taking up a role of a consultant in the near future, however, I doubt that I would want to sacrifice so much of my time dealing with such straining and hectic matters. Oh well.. maybe it's just due to the current company's clients being so slow-paced and shitty, the consultants have to be extra persuasive to obtain data from their HR group. Government agencies.. tsk.

I can only say this for now, "Intern life is fun, but working life is tough", and this all starts with the sleep schedule. I value my sleep a lot, and require the optimum 8 hours of sleep to be at my best. Currently, I can't say that I have that amount of luxury to sleep that long.. hmm.. I think I am averaging about 6 hours right now? Obviously, the easiest solution to this is to sleep early.. but well, at this age, throwing myself at the bed any time before 12 seems like an impossible task.

There're just so many things I want to enjoy this summer, but I just do not have sufficient time for everything. However, up til now, I have gotta admit that this summer break has been very worthwhile in comparison to my last one. The year before, I literally did nothing basically, spending most of the time at home folding clothes, playing games.. it was totally a waste of youth.

**

So coming back to my further plans in the UK.. I guess it's about time to start traveling around heavily. Not sure whether that I would able to find people to do that together though.., and I am likely to be too timid to go bag packing alone. Why? My ridiculously poor sense of direction is the main reason. Parahippocampal area, an area in the brain containing neurons for spatial location. The size of that region and its amount of cerebral fluid  determines an individual's spatial memory capability. My mom also has a very bad sense of directions and I might have prolly inherited this. So, what does it feel like to be someone who has a very bad sense of direction? Just imagine yourself driving, you would read the landmarks, look at the road signs, and be very aware of the surroundings right? For me, all I see is a straight road with nothing around. Unless I have driven the same path repetitively, the effort to recall and backtrack the roads I have taken will be futile.

That's how bad it is.

**

Hmm.. updating my blog in the office is kinda fun. My work-life balance is kind of screwed up right now. One day, I would have an extreme amount of work and on the other, I would have no work at all. Well, having to work is better than not working, at least I wouldn't doze off in the office... which I reckon my colleagues have seen me done it a few times already.

Sorry not sorry though. xd

Jayden

Death by Motivation

Motivation is something which people often talk about. Why? It is a word that carries such strength and importance which somehow gets integrated into our life so seamlessly. I still remember when I was back in U.K., I came across an article about a suicide incident on Facebook which happened in Malaysia. Overwhelmed with curiosity, I clicked into the link and read through the whole article. Shockingly, the victim of the suicide had cited the lack of motivation and meaning of life as the reason of his suicide. This makes me rethink the word "motivation", why is it so powerful, and how impactful can it really be?

I am not a firm believer of the word 'Motivation'. I often laugh at the thought of people attending motivational talks or courses (intrinsically) and how they would spend outrageous sum of money on them. Being someone who is hard-nosed and straightforward, to me, motivation should not exist in any context so much so that it determines the capability of an individual doing something or completing a task. My motto in life, is to finish the things that I should finish, and to finish the thing I have planned in a certain time frame. I never let procrastination get in my way, and I play my cards in a really safe manner.. which is to work first, and enjoy later.

So.. what has propelled or rather, urged me to say my two cents about motivation? This is why. Recently, most of my friends are having exams and yeah as usual, motivational posts start to flood through my Facebook feed. So, the annoying part is that, there are always the same few friends (whom I actually know), repeatedly sharing all these motivation posts.. I mean la why la bro/sis.. are you that desperate for motivation or are you just seeking for likes? Instead of looking and sharing these stuffs, why not just spend some time and try to focus? If you can't focus, just watch some youtube, get your mind cleared off for a moment and resume studying.

GUILT. EXCUSES.

I don't know really. I just think the word 'motivation' only appears to be a positive word. Why? It's because most of the time, there is a reason behind the usage of the word - potentially a negative one. One of the most common (and overused) motivational phrase I reckon is - "Turn failure into motivation". In appearance it is a rather comforting and convincing word to use. Psychologically, I would tell you, if you believe that, you are falling into the trap of optimism bias.

Realistically, you've just failed. Does that mean you didn't have motivation during your first try? No. What makes you think that the motivation after your first failure is able to propel you to success?

So, if  somebody has failed, instead of going 'Learn from your mistakes', I will just pull a straight face and say "You've failed. And if you don't pass the next time, you will fail again."

Harsh, but that's the truth. And if I am your friend, I won't be sugarcoating my words. Because deep in my heart, all I wish for you is to be successful, and also a little bit stronger mentally.


Jayden

语录

堆垒在这蓝天的话语，
脆弱地，
不堪地，
崩落消失；
残留下来的，
一小戳后悔，
今日也是，
什么都，
一成不变。

END

So, the end of the 2nd year of my Psychology degree is nearing. In exactly two weeks time, I will be in my motherland embracing the company of my friends and family members. Time sure passes fast, the start of my 2nd year felt like yesterday. Amazingly, now I think about it, I have done so much this past year, from traveling, studying, meeting people and some self-development. In comparison to some of my friends and peers from the same age, I might not have the flashiest university life in the UK but it is definitely satisfying for me and I have to say I enjoyed it very much.

Nearing the end of this year, I feel that I have grown a bit myself, mentally. I have become more outspoken and have less fear in engaging with conversations. In the Portugal trip itself, I did muster the courage a few times, chatting with cashiers and waiters about the legends of their culture (such as the Rooster of Barcelos) and also the must-try delicacies around Portugal. To be honest, I went to the trip with a group of friends who are not as initiative as me, and I thought this would be a great opportunity to just step up my game.

Still, throughout my academic year, I continue to attend classes alone most of the time and hastily return to my flat right after them. Only occasionally, there are some friends who  sit with me in lectures. With roughly 6 classes spread throughout the week in each term, it makes no sense for me to hang around the campus right after classes as I live in the university accommodation. 5 minutes walk is all it takes for me to arrive at my class. As a result, I do not really have many friends from my course unfortunately. As a trade-off, I made some good friends in the flat which have transformed my daily living here a comedy.

On the other hand, with the help of some friends and also plenty of time commitment, I barely managed to escape the 3k bracket in DotA and am now a 4k player. This also marks the end of my commitment into the game and am finally taking a break from this game until I am back in Malaysia. Among this group of friends, I am (admittedly) the weakest link and also not the most technically skilled player. However, one of my friends is so toxic it ruins the fun of the game for the whole team. Even us (the rest of the friends) would sometimes have to mute him because of the flaming and babyrages. It did remind myself of the past where I was also a toxic player, but hell I do not think that I am as bad as this, hopefully. Well, I guess time made me less of a tryhard now and just play for the sake of having fun with the group.

Finally, I also managed to find an internship. An actual internship in the field which I might plan to pursue in the future. Although, it might have a low pay, it is still a good way to spend my summer gaining valuable experience and learning process from this internship. Ahh.. can't wait.. finally some good news man. I think Psychology students really have it hard in looking for an internship in well-known companies in the country, especially a business-specialized one. I really hate the stereotype of 'Psychology' in Malaysia, as people often think that it has something to do with mental health and crazy people. I am planning to do my Masters in Industrial/Organisational Psychology in the future and it doesn't involve treating mental health patients, nor researching brains and mind-reading. The role of an I/O Psychologists is to help the growth of a company by motivation of the workforce.. and this is why corporate experience is of paramount importance to me this coming summer.

I am really grateful that I am able to get this internship and finally have something promising to do in this coming 3 months. That being said, I am only back for a relatively short time as compared to my friends studying overseas, but I hope I can get the most out of it.. including meeting friends who I have not met for a long time, and also spending quality time with my family members and relatives.

To those taking exams, good luck and just try your best. The most important tests always exist outside of the academic bubble.

Why live a stressed out life when you only live once? Just enjoy what you do and have no regrets.


Jayden

Crey.

So if anyone doesn't know, I've always had this little shoujo 少女 living in part of my persona. I love to read mangas and have read a fair share of shoujo mangas in the past few years. Well, it's good to have a bit of fantasy and romance sometimes you know.

Man.. so I have this habit of not being able to stop after I have started on a new manga series and always ended up reading them up till very late at night. This is something I would have to stop as the examinations are coming up.. and I guess I will, starting today.

So there is this one manga author and artist called Seo Kouji, who I think is a master in portraying and developing a romantic plot infused with multiple plot twists and such. The great thing about 3 of his works that I have read, Suzuka, Kimi no Iru Machi and Fuuka, are that their plot takes place mainly in high school up til college/university, which I can deeply relate to. Well, ecchi in the manga is also one of his specialty I guess, with occasional fan services (guys would enjoy this) intertwined between the chapters.

So yeah, one typical genre of romance in manga is to feature a guy as the main character and surround him with girls who fancy him. And things always happen with those girls, sometimes a love triangle, sometimes some tragic incidents. After reading this genre for so long, I assumed that I am quite immune to those incoming plot twists.

But no,

Last night, I was binge reading Fuuka, trying to catch up to the latest chapter.. and I think a part of me regretted the decision. Fuuka was an amazing girl in the manga, always high spirits and cheerful and obviously, she and the main character fell in love with each other. It was in the mid chapters which their relationship really started to bloom and I was expecting some sweet moments following in the future. But no, something tragic happened and my heart immediately shattered. I wasn't ready for that shock, but still, I persisted on reading the following chapters, about 40 chapters more I think. There were several moments in the manga really made my tears flow, literally.. the feeling was indescribable.

I thought about the times which I had cried due to a manga or anime,
I did it on Anohana, Barakoman, Sket-dance and now Fuuka. I don't even know man, especially in Anohana, my tears were pouring from episode 1 right till 12 (the end). The effect of tv dramas and movies are not as intense compared to what mangas are able to provide me.

Mangas are stationary boxes of drawings that somehow plays in your mind like a movie. Room of imagination is just what you need to make everything come alive.

But still maaan, Fuuka.. why do you do this to my fragile heart. Now I am really longing for the progress of the storyline.


Signing off with a heartache,


Jayden

One night.

Tonight, being in solitude, I am just going to tell a tale.

The tale goes like this,

Being an international student and all is amazing; embracing the different cultures and opportunities is amazing.

But occasionally, when the right song strikes the right mood, it makes you hope that you're back home again,

Back at a place where your friends are at. No, not just normal friends, but friends that you have shared fond memories in the past, friends who would just sit there for hours, listen to you blabbering about the mundane routines of the life that you're having.

When I am tired of work and all the distractions happening around me, I tend to lay on my bed and just stare blankly at the ceiling. Alternatively, I would just stand by my room's window and stare at the beautiful scenery which Exeter is able to offer me outside.

Life is a game, I've never changed that perspective since I had it 2 years back. The controller is our mind and how we play it determines our outcome. But life is a funny game, you can be victorious in every stages of life but in the end we all come down to this final ending - game over.

As simple as that.

I have just returned from my one and only trip.. but I don't feel thoroughly satisfied. It is not because the trip wasn't fun, but I need a trip which I can just let myself go. A trip which I can think nothing but just relaxation. The recent trip, I got really boiled sometimes, because of indecisiveness, minor arguments and the lack of tolerance. They were all small matters but being a guy who cares about everyone's decisions, the frustration in me built up. But as usual, I tried my best to keep the smile on.

It is an image that I have built for myself, a clown mask that I normally put on. I want to bring happiness in people's life, no matter momentarily or permanently. It is my life ambition, no joke. Seeing somebody smile or laugh because of what I say or do brings satisfaction to me.

But sometimes, the cost of satisfaction can be painful. It carves an image of playfulness and immaturity that gets labelled on my back. Over time, these attributes are molded into me and it would end up as how people  judge me as an individual.

Although that, this mask is a mask that I need to keep for life. Only in front of someone who I trust, only can I shed it off. The face behind the mask, the real face, can be scary for some.. and I do not want to drive people away from me. The urges, the no-nos, the instincts, are all being suppressed by this mere cover of me.

Ahh, loneliness is such a funny thing.. it makes you think so much, hence, this blog post. Weirdly, the feeling can come during times which you are not lonely at all. How to get rid of this feeling, I have no idea.

What is this source of loneliness?.. The answer to this is what I yearn for.

What is source of MY loneliness?.. Is it the urge to see some familiar faces again? Or is it the pain of waiting for the texts of that favourite someone?

I don't know.

The only thing I need right now,

Is probably a hug,

And someone to tell me,

'Stay strong. I am here for you.'


Jayden.

Halfway through an eventful month.

Well, first of all, I have changed my layout so hope you guys like it. Took me some time of editing but it's definitely awesome to bring some freshness to the blog.

**

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! It's my 2nd year away celebrating Chinese New Year away from home, and thus far (Chinese New Year lasts for 15 days), all is going great. I received my exam results on the first day of Chinese New Year and I have to say, I am quite satisfied with it. Now, it gives me an idea of the criteria which essay-examinations are looking for. However, that being said, it seems that none of my examinations this semester are in essay format. It feels like the module conveyors are psychologically messing with their students' mind. Ha ha ha. But well, it is what it is, uni life is not easy.

Anyways, on that day itself, my flatmates and I also attempted to make a hotpot dinner (steamboat in Malaysian terms) and I guess it went okay. I am really happy that we managed to go on with that idea as I used to have it back home every Chinese New Year and also during my first year in Exeter (w/ Malaysian friends). As you can see, we didn't have the proper equipment and just have to make do with what we have.

Just 4 Asians 

**

Last Friday to Sunday, I went on a journey to Southampton for 2 reasons, to watch their university's Malaysian Night performance and also to visit my friends. To go back and return from Southampton, I spent about 10 hours on the bus and to most people who I've told about this, it was kind of grueling to them. To me however, spending time in transportation is part of the travel package and in the end, I just hope that I will be able to say "This journey is worth it".

And it definitely is. Southampton Malaysian Society put up a great performance. It was my first Malaysian Night and I must say, it was an amazing eye-opener and I can hardly wait to attend my next Malaysian Night from another university. Southampton Malaysian Society's brilliant choice of theme - 'Back to School' has no doubt the ability to touch and connect the memories of spectators who have previously studied in government schools back in Malaysia. Gotta say, at one point of the show, I really hoped I could go back to my high school life. There might be more subjects to study during that high school life, but we were always surrounded by friends and classmates, studying felt less stressful and more enjoyable as a growing process, whereby everybody was learning together and competing with each other.

Booklet from the show

Well, as Vicky and friends have to prepare for the Southampton Mnight, I didn't have any companions to travel the city of Southampton with. Therefore, the following photos were from the solo journey and I had embarked on during the second day of my trip.

Southampton Solent University

St. Mary Stadium from far

St. Mary Stadium - Southampton's home turf

Bay view from Mayflower park

As you can see, puddles everywhere

West Quay Shopping Mall

Southampton has a really big city and bus rides automatically become a paramount transportation there. Moreover, the availability of a shopping mall have left me in awe (There isn't any shopping mall in Exeter). Ironically, compared to this, the size and amount of shopping malls Malaysia has is just ridiculous. LMAO. However, the fact that there is this presence of a huge distance between the university and town means that students would not opt to go to the town center often anyways, I reckon.

The weather in Southampton wasn't kind to me at all. As I was exploring the city of Southampton, the drizzle followed my footsteps and had shown no sign of stopping at all. It was alike my trip to Cardiff last year, the rain did little to provide me with a positive impression about both cities.

I am totally in favour of Exeter which honestly speaking, probably has one of the best weather in the United Kingdom (Cognitive bias). Well, sunshine and warmth never fail to keep cheerful all day baby.

Anyways here's my thanks to you two, Vicky and Yee Ling for letting me stay over. 

Thanks for having me!!

**

Anyways, that's about it this time. I promise there will be more stuffs to talk about in the following weeks. Stay tune if you're interested! :)

Bye,

Jayden

A fresh start.

First of all, Happy New Year everyone who is reading this. I believe every year is a brand new chapter of life and we all get a chance for a fresh start. Hopefully 2016 will be an amazing and wonderful year for everyone.


**
There were many events on-going for me last month, with the Austria-Switzerland trip being the most significant one of all. The reason I was able to travel anyways, was thanks to Vicky's invitation. So thanks a lot Vicky!! (If you ever see this). Initially, I had mixed feelings about going abroad for 10 days (Yes.. the trip lasted for 10 days), as firstly, University of Exeter's exam week starts on the 4th of January and the trip was from the 20th of December to the 30th; and secondly, it was projected to be really expensive. Well, as chances like this are not easy to come by, I went full yolo and joined the trip anyway. From when the Christmas holidays started to the day I left Exeter for my trip (12th - 19th), I went into overdrive and copied as much research and short notes as possible so that I could bring it to the trip. :v Those scrappy notes were my gambling token towards, hopefully, average results in the January examination.


Man, reminiscing those past 10 days of the trip, I had no regrets at all. In that short period of time, I made great friends, watched some breathtaking sceneries, ate some amazing food and most importantly, had a whole lot of fun!  From things like dragging luggage everywhere, chasing trains and travelling in public transportation for long hours, it was definitely a draining, tiring trip. I can still remember how I would ask the girls the time we should wake up everyday and hoping that it would be late in the morning.. well, it wasn't the case most of the time.

I packed ridiculously light for the trip - a gym bag with a bag pack. I was quite amazed at myself as my travel partners are, to be honest. Well, I think I did well with what I got anyway, not the best cleanliness but hey, I have the habit of showering twice a day and even did that on the trip so I figure it was okay. In the end, I made the right choice of travelling light, as I am able to provide some helping hands with the task of dragging the luggage. 

My trip started off in Austria for 4 days and ended after 6 days in Switzerland. In Austria, we visited Salzburg, Hallstat and Innsbruck and in Switzerland, Zurich, Langwies, Arosa, Lucerne, Interlaken, Spiez, Bern, Zermatt, Wengen and Basel. Lol... now that I have listed it out, only have I realised the big difference. XD

Just to clarify, if you are wondering..

No, it did not snow.
No, we did not ski.

And if I am to say something about the countries.
They are both absolutely beautiful countries with a rather cool but not freezing climate.
I think if there is an opportunity, everyone should visit there at least once, especially travelers who enjoy sightseeing.
The downside to traveling to these countries though, is probably the price and expenses required. Food is really expensive there, especially in Switzerland like wtf. The price of a McD meal is like a daylight robbery.

Here are some highlight photos, one for each city:

View of Salzburg from Mt.Untersburg

Hallstat - you need a ferry/speedboat ride to reach here

Innsbruck from the top of Hafelekarspitze

Zurich's Old Town

Scenery of Langwies ft. Shirley

Natural Ice Skating rink!! at Arosa

Lucerne!!

Trying to discover the meaning of life at Interlaken

A short stop at Spiez. Nothing much but pretty nonetheless.

Bern is one of the busier cities I have visited in Switzerland

Toblerone's signature mountain - The Matterhorn @ Zermatt

Wengen.. last day.

The border of 3 countries - France, Germany, Switzerland @ Basel

Bonus photos:

Shameless vertical leap at the top Hafelekarspitze

Probably the reason I was invited to this trip anyways. To be a coat hanger.

Photo credits to Yee Ling and Shirley.

**

I took the 1st bus in the morning back to Exeter and arrived there in the afternoon on the 31st of December. The rest of the days were just me trying to derive all the possible questions that they could've asked for exams and trying to compose my own ultimate essays that would fit in all sorts of scenario.

Well, the concept of having open-ended questions which require students to include contemporary studies that have to be obtained through independent reading.. it is kind of insane. 'What if the studies I find do not fit the question?' - was one thing that worried me a lot. There were only 4 questions which appeared in each of my exams.. and those 4 questions was based of 6 topics which branches out to 18 subtopics probably? To have independent readings of researches regarding each of the subtopics and to remember the details and including them in an 1-hour exam? Daunting.

Oh well, thank goodness that have passed by, hopefully I did not do too bad.


**
Well, new year, new memories, new experiences.
My dreams though, will always remain the same.

希望带给父母和黄家骄傲与荣耀。
希望自己能带给身边的朋友们快乐。

**

最后，
感谢身边的亲戚朋友们，
2015已回不来，
能从中带走的
也只有你们留给我的
美好的回忆。