Alone, Desolate, Solitary

My family ended up going overseas, without me. Well, it's my choice anyways, I refused to go to a foreign country without following a tour. In my book, it's a waste of precious $ and also my guess now is, they are travelling like a headless chicken. :p

On the other hand, there are stuffs to be done, things to study, in a very limited time as the end of year draws close. To the Edexcel students from Help, this can only signify one thing, the A-level exam is right by the corner. Its two months from that big day to be exact and I can already feel the pressure from the lecturers threatening us to do well. (I'm serious) Everyday, I'm hearing the same shit from the lecturers..

I can even you give you some quotes here.

'You guys better do well. If you don't score paper 2,3,4 you're gonna be in big trouble.'
'We fully expect 120 from everyone of you, nothing less, it has been done before'
-Ms Jaslinder

'Paper 2,3,4 is the killer there. You score 120 for paper 2 the A is there. Cannot run one.'
'Most of you are the B to A there.. I can only see 1 or 2 A* students there'
-Mr Lim

'Sorry, I'm on medical leave, when can I set the replacement class?'
-Ms Geetha

'Why I teach finish then everyone absent from the class'
'If you come to every revision class, I confirm all of you pass'
-Mdm Lin

Last but not least..
'Jayden, hahaha, die la you'

Apart from Ms Geetha, 3 other teachers have placed a substantial amount of stress on us. Though, optimistically, its for own good.

So back to the weekends.

On the past Saturday, I went to my dad's shop to help out, as my cousin, who is working for my dad, was surprisingly on leave as well. So I had to follow my aunt there.

To be honest, working at your own dad's shop, to me, doesn't really give you much experience. I have had debates with my dad now and then about things that I can learn if  helped out in his shop. Contrary, I would never fail to refute back to him that how I think that my trips are not worthwhile. The debate isn't a kind one, as somehow on this matter, we just cannot agree with each other. Every time I speak to him regarding this, the tone of my voice become intense progressively, as blood keeps rushing to my brain.

Dad always label my thoughts as naive, and this is why I am pretty persistent to prove him wrong. Yes, he does have the upper hand to say that he had experienced a lot through the years, however, there's always the possibility that sometimes, people just don't agree on what the experience one has to say.

Every single time I talk to my dad, I have the urge and obligation to start thinking and shaping up my future. I am the eldest among the three, however, I'm the one out of the spotlight as my siblings are a striking contrast to me in terms of talent. My lacklustre and dilly dally outlook are constantly judged by my parents, since highschool. Up til college my outlook didn't change, however, little did they know that a part of me have matured mentally. I started to study, started to paying attention in class, started to do my own research. People take tuitions, I decide to grind my way out, even though my lecturer's teaching sometimes render me speechless and restless.

It all pay off in my first semester results, although not the best of scores, the full 5 As in my result slip is enough to put a smile on my dad and mom's face. My siblings could hardly believe my results. That was the first time I had seen my dad become so enthusiastic about my future, the first time I felt that my hard work and perseverance were approved by him. Immediately, that night, he started asking me which UK University I wanted to go, and told his friends that his son is going to UK.

This is the reason til today, have driven me on and on to get a good result and a fucking place in a UK University.
 I just want to prove to my dad that 'Hey, you have a son that fight and earn his place in the UK University.

However, to come to that level, its like reaching for the moon.
And if I can't take a rocket there,
 I'm fucking gonna walk through the ozone.

'It's been a journey, the NBA. It's taken me a lot farther than I ever expected.'

-Larry Bird

Duplication

I'm feeling kinda disillusioned, demoralized, destroyed by the Physics mock exam from yesterday. The questions were imbalanced, literally. Normally exam-style papers come with both easy and tough questions at the same time, however, this paper - set by none other than Mr Lim, showed no mercy to any of the students. It definitely broke all of our confidence momentarily towards capturing the A* in A-Levels.. as the hard work and effort we put in during those sleepless nights, harping and chewing on repeated stacks of notes were to no avail of answering those absurd questions.

It's convincing though that, many of us are quite confident that we would not do that well for the exam and thus, ended up volunteering to join the 'Roti Kosong' Game, and shockingly, Esther included. For your information, I started the Roti Kosong game for the last class test to punish those that got the highest among us group of people. So the objective of this game is, the top scorer among us will have to belanja roti kosong, a piece each, to the participants of the game, in exception of the lowest scoring one, who in turn will get two.

So, this is the retarded bit, and I guess you can call it karma. I ended up getting the highest among the group, along with Shi Yong (not surprising). -_- and we had to belanja everyone in the game, so all of them got two pieces. And the lowest scoring one got 4 piece.. LOL.

Recently, I'm engrossed to Dota 2, after learning the ropes to the game. It was a difficult transition period for me, from Map Observing, Killing and even Warding. I wasn't used to the graphics as things seemed to be messy compared to Dota 1. Luckily that only lasted a while though, and now every Thursday Friday Saturday, I would spend some time off the studies to dota with my Group A classmates. We are pretty good individually but, haplessly, our teamwork aren't the same YET.

Well, I guess chemistry isn't built in a day.

On to the next thing, one of my brothers, Mr Kelvin, had officially coupled. Well, all the best to him. Now, he is succumbed to all the teasing and jokes that our gang drown him with. But not bad lah, at least he escaped the Bachelor's Party and got a pretty pretty and cute gf too. ;)

Also, to be honest, this also made me thought about all these relationships and stuffs.

The last for me didn't end very well. I supposed this experience had placed a great influence towards my thoughts of having a relationship. My mentality has changed, and towards this matter, I feel that I have become more mature in this subject. Though, sincerely speaking, seeing my friends, (though not many yet), slowly leaving and started hanging out pair by pair, it indirectly gives me a feeling of loneliness.

This is not a rushing matter anyways. The most important thing is to find the right one and make her my last.



“Everything negative - pressure, challenges - are all an opportunity for me to rise.”

Kobe Bryant 

#Motivation.

Summary

Okay guys, since I have been so inactive for about a month now, I will give you guys a brief update about what I had been doing and what am I doing now in the present..

It's a lot of stuffs definitely, never expected my college life to be so time-consuming and packed at the same time.

August - The Sem Break.
-Hanoi, Vietnam
-Sick Sick and more Sick.
-A-levels results..(5As but all at border so yea.. bittersweet i guess? )
-Angel Beats
-Choosing Universities
-Back to college few days before the classes resume for a SASA motivation talk
-Baskin Robbins 2 Quartz 4 Pint

September - Hardcore time
-Back to college (Bittersweet yet again..)
-Struggle and Hustle in daily life
-Failing experiments
-SASA Camp (3 days 2 nights at Gopeng)
-Hustle after Camp due to compilation of undone homework.
-Hustle to pass up CV.
-Puay Chai 2 6k Gathering.

Last but not least, 10km of Jog for Hope.

MAMA, I finished the run still living hahahaha. Was 15 mins late to be in the qualifying time. Close enough la.. (:

Gotta ciao.. another test later in the morning. @.@

Panic button.

We, the Sasa Group were having a field day until at night where something unexpected happened, which was a car accident - a minor one yet, was made serious.

Being in these Sasa debates for a few times til now, I believed everyone of us had chaired and became the timekeeper of the event. Doing so, we had a chance to listen to a portion of the debates that had been going on for the past two days.. and to be honest, (if you really listened to the debates and verdicts), for the winning teams, its the points and the righteousness of their points and thoughts that won them their debate.

For what happened just now, I wasn't very clear as I was busying calling my dad. Seemingly, everything was settled ( for the meantime ), but I would guess that the samsengs would make a least one last call to try the get the most out of us.

Together with Lenard, we went home and together with my family, we took things to the negotiation table at the living room. 

This is my side of the view at that time,

Firstly, I wasn't panicking at all in the car, I didn't know that we actually got hit. When I saw someone approaching, with my deep yet blurry sounding voice, I warned us to lock the cars immediately.

I hope you guys will remember this.. and equally, I am also basing my own driving experiences in what had occurred just now.

1. 

As the people behind were panicking, it came to my mind that 'Wait, didn't that guy hit our bumper, who's at fault now?' It really REALLY came to my surprise that they even dared to open their mouth ask for compensation for medical fees. Are you fucking kidding me. Though that, its a normal behaviour for us to get scared as due to our current situation of fitting 8 people in the car.

My dad's counter:

It's probably a scam. They hit your bumper, therefore they were clearly at fault. It weren't logical and legit if we were to put things like 'Breaking the rules on the road' and being involved in an actually 'Accident'. Both situation actually involved different mechanism whereby 'Hey, although we were having 8 people in the car, we were driving at 30km/h.' We CLEARLY DIDN'T make a sudden stop anyhow and they were at fault to not take notice of our car. So even if they reported us about having 8 people in the car, there weren't a direct relation to the accident we are having. So there's nothing to be afraid of.

2.

When I was making a phone call to my dad, I heard a lot of panicky voices and some really dangerous decision-making like 'Get down the car' and 'Oh shit, It's my fault'. 

Counter:

For those of you who had not met this type of situations yet.. Please REALLY BEAR IN MIND that the first thing when you hit someone or someone hits you, no matter intentionally and not intentionally is to calm down and drive to the roadside. If someone hits you from the back, first thing you guys should do is to look in the mirror and RECORD DOWN the number plate. It is the paramount procedure for every occurrence in accidents. Next, if someone approaches you, just wind down your screen and try to negotiate it or delay the conversation to somewhere bright or crowded in people. Don't ever come off your car, even if they forced you down. Try to delay matters or if possible, convince them to settle the incident at the nearest police station. This is to ensure you can buy some time for yourself to call and get your parents involved and avoid unnecessary engage with the unknowns.

Scams like this always happens. We often hear and glance through the newspapers with topics and headlines highlighting the incidence of 'Fake accidents' resulting in things known as car robbery. We were actually lucky to have 8 people in the car according to my dad. They didn't get the chance to really make a move. Let's just say what if they came up with parang? The world its not nice you know.

Also, think properly. If his buddy was injured, don't you think he would care more about the buddy then to get that rm 300 medical fee? Would that let us go that easily? What about the broken lights and broken parts and bits of motorcycles? From that, my dad came to the conclusion that 

1) The injury was fake

2) They were trying to scam us for a sum of money, seeing the condition we had been in

3) The whole scheme was planned

For me, after the lecture from my dad.. I'm sharing this view here to everyone of you who had yet to involve in something like this. Most of you seasoned drivers might know this already but I doubt that any of you who wasn't in this shit before would be able to think rationally when this really occurs. Always bear in mind that, whenever someone bangs you and there's a group of suspicious people coming your way.. Just get the number plate and go. No people would bang your bumper for nothing, unless its drunk. So always keep yourself on your toes whenever your driving and really, CHILL and MAKE A QUICK THOUGHT.

I had been through one myself and obviously I panicked. Luckily my mom was trailing me right behind and I managed to escape even the negotiation part.

We all know when we are right and when we are wrong.. nothing happens without a reason. Don't jump to the conclusion so quick. If there weren't calm people among us just now, we would have considering paying the RM 300 for an accident that they had clearly created.

That's all for tonight, I wish all of you happy holidays. (: 

*Every lesson learnt = experience gained in life

Hunger.

Starving is no joke. I haven't starved at all in my whole life. Whenever I'm at home, I'm obedient enough to rummage through the kitchen for source of food. My belly is constantly filled up so that it could cover the lost of my energy through my high rate of metabolism. 

Last Sunday, I joined the annual 30-hour famine camp. Before my participation in this year's camp, I had to admit that, I kinda taken the this event lightly. I still remembered the days that I laughed and teased my friend whom tried very hard to obtain donation from me and prepared themselves for this mentally challenging process.

I have no idea what'd the more experienced camper felt, but when the time is inching to the midnight mark, I could feel my stomach churning and grumbling inside. It wasn't the best feeling at all, it even obstructed my sleep. Yes, no peaceful sleep for the night. Oh well, didn't have much time to sleep anyways. 

2nd day of the camp was the most torturous part. Deep inside my mind, I were already counting down the hours remaining so that I can finally taste food again. Had to carry on rest of the day with an empty stomach until 4. Many retarded and crazy process happened though. For instance, Wei Jian's dangerous yet thrilling driving skills and also Kelvin's retardation and cheerfulness which made people surrounding him wondered whether he was on drugs or not.

At 4 sharp, I finally got to devour the whole kaya bread. (Thanks Rotiboy). A bread was not enough though, I munched off a Mars bar which Wei Jian brought to the camp. (Thanks Wei Jian) Hahaha.. the obvious question is, why did Wei Jian bought Mars Bar to the camp. Hehe ;) 

Well, at least now I can proudly say that I made it out of the Camp surviving that 30 hours by just drinking water. Heh.

Hopping to the next topic is about class outing? (:

So apparently today, Bio class was cancelled and we had a 4 hour break between 10-2. This sudden occurrence prompted us to go watch a movie. I wanted to watch Despicable Me 2 man, but it seemed like most people watched it already. Gah. So, everybody agreed on another movie called Pacific Rim. 

Well just gonna skip over the process so no spoilers to anyone.

Pacific Rim was a cool show though. Graphic and Effects were scintillating. Though, I prefer Transformers than Pacific Rim to be honest. A robot to robot fight was more eye catching for me compared to a robot and beast. Compared to Pacific Rim, Transformers also had hot girls acting in parts of movie scene so yeah. 

I'm a guy after all. Hahahahaha. :p

My two cents.

A few more days and it's the reopening of college - yes, a series of hectic academic schedules accompanied by none other than the neverending stack of notes and homework. To be honest, I can't suppress my inner excitement at the idea of going back to college. It's definitely enough holidays for me until now, and thought that it will be a good time to quickly recover myself into the systematic lifestyle.

Lately, our country had been struck by the annual haze, though this time it seemed much more disastrous. From the day (About three days back) my neighbourhood, the Petaling Jaya area had been covered in this blurry and foul-smelling smoke, I started following the API indexes from the Malaysia Environment Website. To a surprise, I found out that the air here was at a near 200 rating which was labelled as Unhealthy.

From the website, I also found out that places nearby the coasts such as Port Klang, Muar and Kota Melaka had readings at about 400.

To clarify things up, the haze is caused by the open burning of the forests in the plantation area of Indonesia that leads to an inordinate of harmful gases being released into the atmosphere. These gases are carried by the flow of wind and subsequently affects the countries nearby the Indonesia. Recently, for such preposterous readings to show in the API,  no doubt, it caused the outrage of the citizens in the countries, namely Malaysia and Singapore. And now, the only thing that the local governments can do, is to point fingers at each other and expect the other party to resolve their issues.

When I first saw the news, 'Singapore government demand an apology from the Indonesian government' and later on, 'Indonesian Minister refuses to apologize', in my mind, I was thinking.. What a joke. I mean, instead of bringing shit up to the media and talk trash, the Sg government should at least like lend a hand and help with the issue, and not expect the other party to issue and apology to you when they're in the state of a mess and calamity.

As a follower of Yahoo News!, I also came across this issue which said that the opening burning of forests was operated by the Malaysian plantation companies located in Indonesia. However, that shouldn't be the excuse as the government of Indonesia has the utmost authority to issue a heavy fine to the companies involved. It always make me wonder why didn't they do that and continued to allow the situation to worsen day by day.

And then I realized the most logical and Malaysian way of doing things.

Rasuah.

Lazy Bug

Seeing my siblings all go back to school, I have nothing to do now for the rest of the month. Though that, I am very very lazy to work, and even feel reluctant to help my dad with his shop. (He tries to find an excuse for me to go to the shop). To say the truth, helping my dad will not gain me any experience.. in my honest opinion. 

To speak the truth, I'm not feeling bored at all for the holidays. I feel quite captivated and absorbed with the stuffs I do and WILL do. There seems to be a schedule fixed up for my holidays now and working doesn't fit into any of the time slot. 

Up to now, everyday I did a bit of gaming, a bit of comic, a bit of guitar and a bit of basketball. Now imagine that I allocate 2 hours for each of those, 8 hours would have passed by. I did this consistently for almost 3/4 of the week.. so I dare say that its quite productive the way I spend it. 

Why don't I work? My mindset is contrary to what the average young adults think. "Time to earn money and get some experience and buy all the stuffs I want". For me I look ahead and say.. I know that Sem 2 is gonna be way harsher than Sem 1 and after all the threats from my physics teacher, I really want to take the holiday just doing what I want to do.. as never know.. there might be no time for a life like this for the next few months and even the next few holidays.

Well, my whole family kinda call me a useless and lazy person now, but I guess I just have to bear with it. Lol :P

Great news is, soon my car's gonna arrive. It's a Toyota Vios.. totally different than the initial target Ford Focus. Well I guess having a car is better than none.. gotta make do with what I have now. 

The Last Thing..

The last thing I would want to cry for is my guitar.

Over the years, I had fostered a strong bond with all the guitars I used before.. and despite all the knocks and hits and the terrible scars on them, they played a part of my life. Although my guitar changes every now and then, occasionally I would use back some of my older guitars.

Now, this fucking thing happened. I dropped my guitar, and the guitar this time, is worth RM6000 and fortunately, one of the tuning pegs broke. My guitar stand was right by my side and as I realized that the DotA match was starting, I abruptly left my guitar there and guess what, I didn't realize I missed the base of the stand. After a while, my whole guitar, literally, came crashing to the ground.. and the next thing I saw.. was a broken tuning peg.

Fuck it.. I just feel like drowning myself right now. I have no idea what to tell Dad.

Fucking carelessness, fuck it all, fuck my life, just drown me alive.

Whenever I feel down, sad, broke up, emo, happy, I always play my guitar.

And now looking at my deformed partner, it is just so sad I can cut myself now.

I don't deserve to be a guitarist. fuck.

It's been a while..

In a glimpse of an eye, almost 6 months have passed by.. and now going to college is like a daily routine.. as you can expect the same thing from lecturers again and again. There's nothing colourful about college lifestyle, maybe because the environment I've been in is so competitive that my lecturers keep pushing us, and sometimes threaten us that if we don't study hard, there's no reason to be in their classes. Their constant nagging has become an intro to every class, and sometimes I just wonder, do they do that to every class or it's just us.

Anyways, to make up for me M.I.A for about 2 months already, I will make a complete update of what I had been doing, given the time is enough. (My guitar class is 1/2 hour from now) which is probably insufficient. LOL.

Okay, first and for all, to my highschool friends, hey guys, I didn't change much actually, and thanks for being so enthusiastic and keep prompting me to update my blog. Really sorry to turn a blind eye on your comments, I really see that. But, you know, I've been working hard lately. ;) Just joking, I just wanna ignore you guys. Hahaha. I guess I wasn't in the mood for a blog update anyways.  So, truthfully speaking, I'm still the same me, and thank God that I met a bunch of friends who speaks Chinese, and that at least I can communicate with a part of the class. Well you know, its easier to communicate with those who think alike yeah.

So, previously I was in a slump and my Mocks results were poorer than expected. I guess I really did take that shit likely. I went in thinking that I did enough revision and thought the results were going to come out a bang. Unfortunately, it was contrary to my thought, and my results were appalling, bad as fuck. I realize at that time I was one of the worst in the class, if not the worst. In that moment, I felt like a fell in a deep black hole. And worse still, Ken kept throwing sarcastic things at me. If you're reading things. Fuck you man. Haha

Well, I still remembered the Black Day which Democracy is Dead. An infamous night for Malaysia. I still remembered clearly that I followed the whole 'opening the ballot session' no matter from TV or the Internet. In my heart, I voted for a change. Though, people might say I'm too young and don't understand anything about politics, but obviously I understand what's good for the country and what's bad. So yeah, eventually we all heard about the Blackout, and for approximately 8 boxes of extra ballots appeared and apparently all in BN's favour. So, on the next day, I went to school wearing Black.

Anyways, 1st semester exams were over, and that's why I have the time to update the blog. How was it, sincerely I don't know. I just know that there weren't fucking enough time to really concentrate on every questions and make every answers right. It's 1 1/2 hour of exams, with about 8 subjective questions to go and a few objective questions accompanying. It's hell, to sum it all. I don't think studying much would do a lot of help in these exams, as you have no time to think but just rush through.

So recently, I hooked up with a manga called Suzuka. Eventually finished everything at 12.30 A.m. this morning. It had a great storyline, however, it's hardly going to happen in reality. The manga is about highschool life, and a story about a guy and a girl, who's enemy at first, ended up as a couple. The lovey-dovey process is damn sweet, and really makes people like me think a lot though.

But then, manga is manga anyways. There's no way you can find a girl like that.
Well, if there is, she would already been taken.

Well, just gonna move on and concentrate on my guitar and basketball. Let fate do the others.

Why..

Why are guys from the manga so lucky??

Haiz haiz.. I guess the stories are too good to be true.

Family?

This might no be a pleasant blog for viewers. There's a possibility that this can cause conflict and spoils to friendships but I just have to write it.

Being my blog readers, I hope you guys will understand. I am a Cancer after all.

So, just so recently, there's a farewell party for my beloved classmate and Da Jie, Li Wen.. who's heading to Singapore to pursue her study. If I could wish, I would wish for her not to go too. Oh well. So apparently, my class.. oh should I say, a Group from my class actually made a farewell party for her.

What's the big deal?

I'm not invited. In a matter of fact, not even half the class was invited. It was just a farewell party. A party without your classmates. Well, I bet you'd never think of your classmates right when organizing a farewell party for another classmate? I mean come on, it's commence sense right?

There were actually photos up on FB which said farewell party to my Big Sis. From there I can see few of my classmates were there. But how? When I first saw the photos, in my heart I thought, 'when was this all about? Why weren't I invited?' I was expecting a farewell party, and now I wasn't invited.

Fine I guess. Until I found out that, I wasn't the only one.

Til then shit gets real.

Just to share, thanks to these way of doing things, you indirectly earned our talks behind the scenes.

Yeah, you might say the classic,

'Everytime Jio You You Also Never Come'.. or
'Everytime Jio You You Say Busy' or
'I thought you have class what'.

Stfu.

Even if any reasons above were valid, at least people should know that, the effort to invite was there.
And, significant or insignificantly, my Big Sis played a role in my life and there is a chance that I want to be with her and send her off for the last time.

You might say that, this is not even a 'S3' outing, its just a random one.

Sua. I'm speechless.

It's just a piece of my mind. My tongue is sharp, so I hope this passage will pierce through.
And somehow, I believe that, I indirectly voice out some of our hearts here in no other than, our family. S3.

Anyways, Ying Quan, Loong, Lian Jiet actually came all the way from Sunway to an area around Help. Quan actually called me, too bad I was in class, or not I would be with them already.

Gamdong.

Please Don't..

We sit next to each other in the car but there is no music
I always held your left hand but now you’re picking at your lips

I know what you’re going to say, please don’t say it
Don’t know why Don’t know why
I want to draw out each minute, each second
But the empty road rushes me on

After going round and round
I arrive at your house that’s so familiar and tears fall
After spending a long day finding this place
I feel like I am lost

Please don’t, please don’t leave
Don’t know why Don’t know why
It’s not even raining but outside the window
You grow white and farther apart

Letting you go is not as easy as it sounds
I turn away, not being able to see you leave me
Tears eventually drop and I need to wipe them away now
I don’t know whether I should use the handkerchief you gave me or throw it away
Why won’t this trembling go away?

I pretend to be crazy and hold onto you but
My body won’t listen to me
Intoxicated with the scent of you in the car
I don’t want to wake up forever

Please don’t (please) don’t leave please (please)
Come back (come back) come back (come back)
On top of the empty seat you left
only your cold scent remains

Please don’t, please don’t leave
Come back (come back) come back (come back)
I will hold onto the remaining scent
So come back to your place

Mockingbird..

I was listening to some saddest Eminem's creation.. like When I'm Gone, Mockingbird, Spacebound.. and was browsing through their lyrics.

Well, Mockingbird is a really sad song which describes Eminem's feelings towards his children.

But then, the lyrics from the ending chorus is just plain lmao.
And if you ask me too


Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird
I'mma give you the world
I'mma buy a diamond ring for you
I'mma sing for you
I'll do anything for you to see you smile

And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine
I'mma break that birdie's neck                                      
I'll go back to the jeweler who sold it to ya
And make him eat every carat don't fuck with dad (ha ha)

LOL.

Alone

Get the most yanwong result of all time.

Anyways, my mom was talking about career pathway a few days back again.

And I told her, I added a few jobs into my list of careers that I might want to pursue.

Well these are a few:

Psychologist

Psychiatrist 

Marine Biologist

Veterinarian 

Hahaha.. When I told my mom that I wanna work with animals.. she was like.. Wtf?

But then eventually she somehow agreed with me going with being a Vet. 

I mean come on, it's cool right working with cute fluffy animals, like the dog and cats.

It'd be a huge advantage for me, cause I ain't scared of them.. :D

Sigh.. Sometimes I just wish that I would wake up and find my whole life a dream.

Angel of Darkness..

Yay, I finally caught up with my Maths homework.. though the fact that I skipped some of the questions because I didn't know how to do it. LOL.

I barely slept 8 hours last night.. Recently, I could hardly fall into deep sleep, and always woke up earlier than what I wanted to. There seems to be something disrupting me mentally but until now, I have no idea what it is. Stress? Maybe.

I just went to the Ultimate Guitar Store to check on my Schecter Hellraiser. Unfortunately, it is not going to arrive any sooner, and I kind of looked up to another guitar then. There was a lot of Synyster Custom displays there, which definitely caught my interest.. and I could afford it actually, but I didn't. It is always stressful to play someone's signature guitar.. I'm serious :P.

Anyways, another Bio test is coming up next week. Didn't do as well as I expected for the first time. Gonna redeem myself for the next. So yeah, drop some motivation for me in the chatbox. Hahaha.

(:

Breaking Someone's Confidence.

My physics teacher always say "Ask the same question to the same person twice, and this is how you break someone's confidence." True enough, until now, that teacher never fails to mentally break a person, causing them to change their initial answers although it's the correct one.

It's the month of March, a March deemed to be great fun at the same time, filled with some brick walls in between the days. Brick walls as in Challenges.

Well, glad to say that, I just passed my recent one, which was the mid-term of test of Malaysian and Moral Studies. :D So happy to get over with it man, its even more stressful than the normal typical CHS exams, mainly because:
1) If you fail, you have to redo in the next sem.
2) Referring to 1, I don't mind redoing, but to see all your friends passed with you the only one failing, the feeling is like. Y U NO FAIL WITH ME. Hahahaha.
3) You have to pay another RM2400 for taking the subjects, which is a good thing for the government.

So, now its up to our Project, which is gonna earn us the majority of the marks, so yeah, progressing now. :)

Tracking back to last few days, Hsien Loong, Khai Seong and I were at the park playing basketball with some mid 20 to 30 adults. I was guarding some guy who wore #17 Lin jersey and guessed what, he literally threw an elbow and banged me. Actually, Loong and Seong both got it too.

However, we were still leading that game, thanks to the Navin, our teammate at that time for firing in a streak of sensational shots. Then, things turned pretty ugly, when the #17 shoved Loong and pointed in his face, demanding him to play fair. Wtf? Coming for the guy throwing elbows, asking someone to play fair? Loong didn't even do anything. I had to hurry over to pull Loong away and one of Loong's friends, a mid-20 adult too, help calmed that fucking fella.

Well, its the first time seeing someone, almost wanting to throw a punch towards my friend.

Okay.. Next.

I drove for the second time of my life in my second driving lesson last Friday. It was scary man, cutting through narrow roads parked with car at the side. As soon as I got into the car, another car was coming from the opposite direction. I just got into my car and hadn't even started my car yet. Panicking panicking.

After a while, I found myself driving on the highway to my driving school at Selayang. Driving from Bandar Utama to Selayang.. On my second lesson? Hell yeah.. thank god my car didn't die off as the traffic light turned green. Haha. It would be embarrassing. ><

Well, I'm not running for anything and have nothing, no club or societies to look forward to I guess. Just the Sports Carnival to look forward to, yeah, Basketball again. :) Oh oh, my new guitar is supposed to arrive this month too. Oh oh oh, and the SPM results.

Come to think of it, there's a lot of things to look forward to. XD

Stitch My Wings..

先在这里向大家祝贺，新年快乐，身体健康，万事如意。

Again here, I see Jeanno asking me for an update. Lol, so much for Jayden loyal fan club. Hahahaha.


Anyways, how time flies, one month has passed by, and we are on the fourth day of Chinese New Year, the festival of devouring cookies and fishing Angpows. Not to mention, gathering with my beloved family and friends. I was back in Penang the last four days, in my father's hometown. (Those who say Seberang Perai is not part of Penang, it is so stfu.) Well, too bad this time no Char Kuey Teow or my favourite O Jian (How the heck you spell this lol) aka Fried Oyster with Egg.

Every time going back to Penang, I can feel a warm welcome. Back in Bukit Kechil, the lifestyle is so relaxing, it's almost like people there are having the same routine everyday. Going back there normally means nothing but boredom for my brother and I except for going out with our cousins as we have a language and topic barrier with my grandparents.. (I'm sorry I can't speak Teochew that fluent). It's pretty hard to understand what they are saying as I'm not used to it. :3

So for the past 3 days, mostly in the evening or at night in my cousins house, gambling, which I eventually lost RM 13. T_T.. Lady Luck why you no help me de!! Sad lahhh.. I thought I can win myself some money for food in college. Well, now I have to resort to my parents again.

Anyways, what made this a so heartwarming CNY for me was that, in my hometown, I had fun with all the toddlers and babies walking around the place. Aww, words couldn't describe how cute are they. Hahaha, hope all of them grow up cute too. Played with them, hugged them, let them sit on my lap. It seems things like this only happens once a year.

Well there's still many events coming up for me. Followed by the restart of the challenging yet exciting college life.



So, see you guys in the next post. :)

Trauma

When I was standard 6, I wasn't expose to any horror films, any scary manga, novels, anime or all sorts. I was an innocent kid back then, living without fear, being optimistic all the time, being absorbed to every little things I did.

And one day, everything changed.

It was a hot evening, I was in my study room. The house was quiet, only the sound of the television of what my mother's watching could be heard coming from downstairs. I was in a dreamy condition as far as I recalled, and all of a sudden, I received a Powerpoint file from my friend. Out of curiosity, I downloaded and opened it

It showed a series of powerpoint slideshows and the story goes..

194x, A girl from Ipoh suicide head down and broke her neck in front of the female changing room, and for a long time, that room is sealed off from the rest. No one know what happened, and what's the reason the room was sealed.

Until one day, a security guard wanted to break the myth and entered the room. He was looking around thinking nothing until, he found himself locked inside the room. He was afraid, and quickly hid under the bench.

I was standard 6 that time, I didn't have any sense of urgency. And this came from my friend, so I thought, it might just be a story.

So I read on.

'I see you'

'I see you now'

And all of a sudden, a female face popped out. It was 3-D.. a girl looking like its from reality with blood flowing out of her eyes. In background screams could be heard. I was fucking shocked.. my whole body trembled, my mind flickered. Quickly, I clicked, hoping that the slideshown will end.

Nope.

As I clicked, the next face came closer. I was fucking scard. And with the next click it finally ended.

"Your slideshow has ended, please click to exit."

I clicked, I was back to reality. But this time my mind's blown, out of proportion, I was like a glass, shattered with shadows of the face imprinted on it. I was mad. I could still remembered, It was close to my tuition. And I told my mom, I'm cycling to tuition. Ended up exiting the house, cycling around the neighbourhood, trying to calm myself and remove this trace of shit.

It didn't work.

I couldn't focus in tuition. I still remembered that day. I suffered a mental breakdown. I was worried. I didn't there to look anywhere. I had no mood to talk to my friends. I was afraid to even touch the com and go online. Worst thing still, I had trauma.

That's why, until now, I fear of being shocked.

And now, it all came back. After years of avoiding scary things.

Disturbance.

Recently, Martin showed a horror story in facebook. And Xiang wanted to show me. And so, Martin posted it on my wall. I found myself scrolling down the page on my Samsung. All of a sudden, a photo popped out. I was terrified, right in the middle of moral studies, and quickly screen locked my phone. Martin was sitting in front of me, so I literally threatened him to remove the thing before I even raped his sorry ass.

Thank god, he removed.

I was still okay that time, as I knew what was coming.

But today, I was turning my back talking during the class of Malaysian studies, and suddenly Xiang called me.

I turned my body and immediately my eyes laid on that photo. In that single second, I cursed and immediately turned my eyes away. Again, the image reprinted on my mind. My mind was unstable. I almost broken down into tears. And I know I can't beat the trauma. Fear engulfed me. It always did.

I sat there, with the image flowing in my mind for a few secs. I tried to rest myself, thinking everything would just fade away.

But only thing that came to me my mind was.. Why did she do it?

Why, after I told her that I'm really afraid of such things, and she still showed me and brought fear to me.

I had confessed again and again, I scared of shocking things, disturbing things, shocking things. Things that appeared all of a sudden. And yet, this was what I got.

Many people might feel funny, that this is just the picture, I haven't even read it yet.

But enough is enough, I can't even pass the first stage, what should I take to go to the second.


At that time, I didn't know what was coming, I was thinking of her finding me for a discussion, for a talk, and I ended up with that photo. All of a sudden.

That killed me. And at that thought, I was thinking of killing myself so I do not need to suffer from all these freaky, disturbing things for coming out all of a sudden.

I'm coward. I'm sorry.

Something out of Nothing..

Just came back from my first CNY dinner. It's my first time having wine again since the end 2012. Yeahhhh.. the flavor is back man.

So last Friday, I was caught up with shit man. I was playing basketball with my friends, and I attempted to do some streetball moves, so I kinda threw the ball towards my friend's back. Then all of a sudden, he gone mad at me, and suddenly came forward to me and asked me for a fight. Wow, it was like a true basketball game man. I was damn shocked, he suddenly came up to me and said "Wan fight isit? Come lar."

Shit got real. I was like 'omfg, what should I do'.. Then I go straight up to him and we were like face to face. Our friends gathered and seperated us. So I just walked on, I was like, screw it I'm so not playing tricks anymore.

Okay, so that guy's name is Joseph.

Joseph is a fun and cheerful guy. Seeing him turn all bellicose all of the sudden seriously stunned me. After walking halfway, I turned around and saw him smiling at me and said 'Hahaha.. Gotcha.'

WTFFFFFFFFFF.

My god, someone please give him the Oscar Award man. The heck, he acted like he's gonna fight me a minute ago and all of a sudden he put on a smile and said he was joking.

Goddd, I was like 'man.. are you really kidding..' I don't know what he thinks man..

It's just the 3rd week and I thought I was going to get in trouble already. He scared the living shit out of me.

I ended up apologizing in the Whatsapp group.. then.. Edwin and Lenard started spinning a yarn.

After I apologized, I went to sleep. Then, when I woke up.. I saw I had 159 new messages.

Well the story ended up..

Me and Joseph was fighting for a lollipop.. and I smacked Joseph's lollipop on the ground. And Joseph threw the basketball on my face. I got a nosebleed. Joseph went Muhammad Ali and almost killed me. I was terribly wounded.

Okay... ._.

Nothing I could say..

This song just surges into my head. The lyrics beat in my mind so loudly. The meaning and riffs of the chorus that is so strong and impactful..

You're gone

Such a fool
To think that I could go though life alone
A difficult rash decision

I refuse to see
How I needed your help to complete
And reinforce my existence

What's left to say?
Except for you're the reason,
The reason for me being

You gave me strength,
The strength to be something,
To be something better

Searching for another way
To steal a second chance
I pray for absolution (absolution)

Now I know that I'm
Missing your calm clarity
You were the one that listened (one that listens)

What's left to say?
Except for you're the reason
The reason for me being (for me being)

You gave me strength,
The strength to be something,
To be something better.

What's (what's) left to say
Except for you're the reason

Except for you're the reason
You're gone

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Nothing I could say
Could bring you back tomorrow (nothing I could say)

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Nothing I could say
Could dissipate my sorrow

All I had to
Do was let you
Know

What's left to say?
Except for you're the reason
The reason for me being (for me being)

You gave me strength
The strength to be something
To be something better

To be something better
To be something better (what's left to say?)

To be something better
To be something better (what's left to say?)

To be something better
To be something better (what's left to say?)

You make me feel
Something better

*PS. Jeanno, I will update my blog later this evening or night. (: 

Crumbling into Pieces..

Hola readers..

It's been 2 weeks since I entered HELP college.. and happily I can say that, I am slowly adjusting to the college lifestyle. The schedule's kinda relaxing and the it isn't really stressful up to this point. However, my lecturers are constantly pushing and stressing the importance of scoring and doing well in A-levels, especially in the first term exams. 

This is the first time I kinda feel stressed out. I didn't have an idea how the questions in college exams are gonna be like. The way they are going to ask, or mark the paper, it's simply hard to pinpoint and score good grades for it. They call it A-levels, 'A level above the rest' that's why the stress is on man.

Not to mention there're still Moral and Malaysian Studies. And I'm the leader of both groups. Crap lah weih. Being in the same group with friends, ended up Me who's gonna lead the who team.

Oh, I got another classical guitar, I guess this will be my final piece of instrument for the classical genre. The sound is pretty and I like the gripping, neck the overall of the guitar. Hopefully I can perform well and do well with it. :)

Though that, I'm still waiting for my Multi-fix and my Schecter Hellraiser.. Probably coming in March.

Then we will do some guitar covers yeah? :P

An Opposite of Life..

During Undang Exam, I made a new friend called Kok Boon. We were from the same driving agency, thus ended up at the same place for Undang Exam. His first sight didn't give me the best impression; he dyed his hair blonde, had tattoo right around his upper arm, leg and a small bit on his hand. He wore a single earring at his left ear, which I honestly thought was cool and wanted to get one, but my parents strongly disagreed with the idea. So, I went to talk to him.. still he gave me that intimidating look that made me feel like he's gonna bring my gang and gang bang me anytime.

After talking to him, I found that he's a dropout of school after PMR, and went straight to the Hair Styling Academy to learn how to hairstyle. Now, at the same age as me, he's already making money himself in a hair salon. We had a great conversation, talking about each others life.. he saying his life living in freedom and I saying my life full of studying and tuition..  There was a point which I explained my admiration for his type of life, those who can enjoy life at the max, and learn a lot through experience.. however come to think of, he told me he did not have much friends.. only colleagues and upper seniors in his academy.

I couldn't bear to think life not having any friends.

So, the queue was apparently long, and we went to the nearby mamak. There were 3 of us Me, Kok Boon and Kiat Yao, my long lost tuition friend. So Kiat Yao and I started ordering some food to fill our hunger whereas Kok Boon started to smoke. As he was smoking, he kept advising us not to smoke, as he knew the danger, there was no turning back.. there might be.. but then rehabilitation is a tough process.

Well we sat at mamak and chatted about a while until our turn was up. Kiat Yao went into the room first, anxious. I went into the room next, confidently, Ha.. its the truth. Then it was Kok Boon's turn. At the end Kiat Yao and I passed with me getting 48 and him 45. Kok Boon failed no doubt with a mark of 29. He ended up cursing every where.. Hahaha.. seriously lmao.



Well, Kok Boon was one the most interesting person which I knew. Although we left no contacts anymore, I really hope to meet him again. Although he came out to the society at such a young age of 15.. he did not get affected by any bad influence.. except maybe for smoking, and was able to work hard and brush himself up to continue learning no matter from books or from academy. I wish that he have a great hairstyling career ahead of him and I look forward to cross paths with him one day.

Happy 2013 all :D

It's the 3rd day of 2013, sorry for being a little late, kinda worn out after being in college for 2 days..

So, this is a quick summary of what I had been doing these 3 days.

1st Jan 2013

I was in 1U then, sitting by the open air car park with Dragon, Bear, Jing Wei and Hui En, looking at the night sky and prepare for countdown. We took a couple of pictures as the fireworks blasted and exploded in the night sky, dressing it with beautiful colours. Well, it was my first time counting down with friends. Though,  I missed the group hug and walked home early with Bear. Well, he didn't look good that time, probably due to the tiredness. After reaching his stop, I literally sprinted back home, and updated my statuses, it was already 12.30 by then. Later on, I took a quick shower and got upstairs. It was already 1.30 by then. Chatted with Mei Xin and Bel for a while, but due to the tiredness of my own, I collapsed onto the bed.

2nd Jan 2013

Start of college, as I walked towards the staircase leading me down to the underground University of Help, I saw Xiang in front of me. We had been in contact for the day before, both of us kinda excited. So saw Tek, Yenn, Jun, Yi Zhe, JunWei, Wei Jian, and a couple more secondary and primary schoolmates. Got to know around the campus. It was like a maze.. something like Taman Jaya except you see buildings all around the place instead of trees. Well, got some briefing and signed my offer letter. Had lunch with JunWei in McD then went home.

3rd Jan 2013

Came early with Xiang Jun Wei and Tek to take the shuttle bus there so we get to register quickly for our MQA subjects. Unfortunately, there was already a long queue by the time we arrived there. Xiang collected her ID card, and she used her secondary photo. Yay haha.. :P Anyways, this day, briefing about the subjects was carried out. All the lecturers were cool and clear and actually frightening, as in, saying about the statistics and stuffs. Had lunch with Xiang and her primary friend Chuan Jiet at Subway. My second time eating their sandwiches. :3 Not bad though.. haha. Went back, and got our timetable. Unfortunately, I got into the different group as Xiang, yerrr.. no one to help me at Bio liao.. haha. On the other hand, I entered into a group which I had little acquaintance..



Gaahhhhh.. Feel like changing group but, well, they say never know..
This was the feeling I got before I was transferred into S3 and everything turned out great.. :)
Hopefully everything will be fine tomorrow when I step into my class.. :D

Still gonna start off lonely again..


Hanarebanare itsu no watashi..