There's always a good side and a bad side for everything. Nothing can be completely beneficial or disruptive, it all depends on how one sees it and perceives it. Therefore, there might be actually no wrong to somebody's thinking and action because to them, it is the right thing to do. The usage of the words 'Human Rights' further enhance this effect, negating the judgement and the condemns of the society towards what we are doing - which can be wrong itself but not in our eye. How many times do we hear advises such as, 'stop smoking, you will have bad health.' Well, to be honest, we are all going to die one day, regardless in an accident, or ultimately out of deteriorating health.
I am not supporting the usage of cigarettes here, rather I want to pinpoint the fact society overemphasize the fact that smoking cigarettes is bad. Since a very young age, I was told by my father to stay away from them as they were bad for health and people get addicted to it. These rather 'wise' words contributed to me thinking that smokers are automatically 'bad people' at that time. Over the years, I have thought about it, why do people still have the idea that smoking is bad entirely?
Just because of health and addiction?
How about shopaholics? How about gamers? How about caffeine addicts?
Why do smokers receive so much attention?
*
After 2 weeks in Malaysia, I am dejected at the fact that I am still unable to get an internship or a job. For the internship, it was just wishful thinking that any company in this country would actually offer me an opportunity. First year student. Psychology student. Joker. The internships that I have applied to did not even have Psychology under their required subjects.
I have also applied to a customer service job, which they have not return to me yet.. fingers crossed man.
*
However, to be honest, I just want to relax and meet up with my friends for these 2 months.
Growing mushrooms at home is actually not a bad idea too.
If I am able to get an internship in UK next year, I will be spending 2 straight years there, and hypothetically, if I am able to get a job right after I graduate, it would be a road of no return.
So.. what now?
Sincerely,
Jayden
Saturday, June 27, 2015
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Is there true kindness?
The first year of psychology has treated me well.
Contents in some of my modules have enlightened me about the simplicity of human thought process. Reading mind directly is impossible, but with analysis of the facial expression, human gesture, and context of the surrounding, I believe it is fairly easy to at least make a guess about what the person could be experiencing at that particular moment. One thing is for sure though, this first year has taught me well and have encouraged me to think in a perspective well beyond the norm.
Recently, it was disturbing really, for dark thoughts to fill my mind as I let my eyelids fall. This traces back to my first semester, a lecture in social psychology in particular. Mr. Morton, my lecturer (also my personal tutor) was explaining and also questioning about the existence of true altruism. I was completely absorbed in his lecture. For years, I have always thought that helping can either be genuine, or with a motive behind (a reward, an expectancy of receiving help in return). Helping does lead to communication between people which then contributes to our networking, which is a "skill-set" many companies highly value nowadays, thus, beneficial in some ways to us. However, what struck me the most was Thomas's third argument towards altruism.
We help because we do not want to feel bad for not helping.
Not helping puts us in an aversive state. We help to reduce this state.
I can vividly remember, when I first saw this sentence in the lecture hall, all my concentration fell onto it. I thought of the times where I helped people, and tried to apply this concept in each of those situations.. and no matter how hard I tried to deny, the idea of helping always fall between, "I should help, because he is suffering" (feeling bad if you don't help), "I should help because it's my responsibility" (feeling bad because if you don't help, you are abandoning your responsibility), "I should help because it benefits BOTH party". (Since it benefits me as well, so why not?)
Have a think about it. Are you sure you are giving genuine help? A help which does not cost you anything? Of course, thinking at the surface level would lead you to the answer 'Yes, why not?', but try to think more in depth, and you will find the reason behind helping somebody might not be as obvious.
**
After having lectures on Classic Studies in Psychology, it further shatters my idea of what people call 'a kind person'.
There is no kind person, just a situation which allows someone to be kind.
Zimbardo's Prison Experiment and Milgram's Obedience Study. These two studies are disturbing, and had never failed to send chills down my spine whenever I revised the studies - aim, procedures, results, for my exams in midnight.
To give you a brief outline,
for ZPE,
Healthy student volunteers were recruited and placed in a simulated prison, which was designed with the help of a prisoner who was in jail for 10+ years. Basically, volunteers were given roles, either as prisoners or guards and the aim of the study was to test whether the students conformed to their roles.. and they did. Yes, the guards basically harmed the students, abused them, treated them as if they were real prisoners, but in fact, they all belonged at the same level in reality, they were students.
It took only 3 days for the students to be emotionally disturbed.
The experiment portrayed realism and it shows how giving someone a powerful role can totally change their perspectives completely, no matter how similar they have been to you before this.
On the bright side, the experiment was bombarded with many debates and controversy, so it could not 100% justify human nature itself.. however, in my book, the initial results of the study was potent enough to suggest that all of us have a dark side in our subconscious mind, and it will shine when given an opportunity.
*
I am a fan of Ryan Higa's videos and have been following him since his 'How to be a ..' videos in the early years. 2 years back, he released a video called Most Annoying People on the Internet and named them MAPOTI in short. Two types of MAPOTI he had suggested in the video was 'The Attention Whore' and 'Overly Deep Person'. People like these never fail to take selfies and photos and pair them with captions which do not have any relation (literally 0% meaning) to the photos. The most common ones I have often seen nowadays happen to be selfies following a emotional love quote, a quote showing how lonely you are and you need a partner, or even trivial matters. An example would be a photo with 'I can't fall asleep' printed at the caption column.
FFS. If this is not attention seeking, I don't know what is. Narcissism.. hmm.. maybe? (They tend present themselves as perfect or good-looking as possible in those photos especially.)
Please if you are desperate for love, go look for it. A photo of yourself would not stop you from being lonely, unless people's commends and comments are actually what you really want. If you can't sleep, find a way to sleep. I still do not understand the logic behind 'I can't sleep so I am going to take a pic of myself.'
Hey, do you still remember the times when photos are only used to capture a memorable event? A memory which you want it to be frozen in time so you can look back X years later and say, 'Wow, I remembered I had great fun.' or in some cases.. 'I used to know this person very well..'.
The technology is improving leaps and bounds, from camera, to a phone camera, then front phone camera and now we have selfie sticks abundantly available in the market.
It seems like the purpose of taking photos has evolved with time as well.
Or maybe, the development of technology is just too good of an opportunity to unleash the potential of attention-seeking and narcissism in humans.
A selfie or photo of others is harmless and it doesn't relate to me in any way, but it can sometimes be very irritating to see.
I wonder why?
P.S. The content of my post is not targeted to any particular person, just a common scenario which I have experienced.
Signing off,
Jayden
Contents in some of my modules have enlightened me about the simplicity of human thought process. Reading mind directly is impossible, but with analysis of the facial expression, human gesture, and context of the surrounding, I believe it is fairly easy to at least make a guess about what the person could be experiencing at that particular moment. One thing is for sure though, this first year has taught me well and have encouraged me to think in a perspective well beyond the norm.
Recently, it was disturbing really, for dark thoughts to fill my mind as I let my eyelids fall. This traces back to my first semester, a lecture in social psychology in particular. Mr. Morton, my lecturer (also my personal tutor) was explaining and also questioning about the existence of true altruism. I was completely absorbed in his lecture. For years, I have always thought that helping can either be genuine, or with a motive behind (a reward, an expectancy of receiving help in return). Helping does lead to communication between people which then contributes to our networking, which is a "skill-set" many companies highly value nowadays, thus, beneficial in some ways to us. However, what struck me the most was Thomas's third argument towards altruism.
We help because we do not want to feel bad for not helping.
Not helping puts us in an aversive state. We help to reduce this state.
I can vividly remember, when I first saw this sentence in the lecture hall, all my concentration fell onto it. I thought of the times where I helped people, and tried to apply this concept in each of those situations.. and no matter how hard I tried to deny, the idea of helping always fall between, "I should help, because he is suffering" (feeling bad if you don't help), "I should help because it's my responsibility" (feeling bad because if you don't help, you are abandoning your responsibility), "I should help because it benefits BOTH party". (Since it benefits me as well, so why not?)
Have a think about it. Are you sure you are giving genuine help? A help which does not cost you anything? Of course, thinking at the surface level would lead you to the answer 'Yes, why not?', but try to think more in depth, and you will find the reason behind helping somebody might not be as obvious.
**
After having lectures on Classic Studies in Psychology, it further shatters my idea of what people call 'a kind person'.
There is no kind person, just a situation which allows someone to be kind.
Zimbardo's Prison Experiment and Milgram's Obedience Study. These two studies are disturbing, and had never failed to send chills down my spine whenever I revised the studies - aim, procedures, results, for my exams in midnight.
To give you a brief outline,
for ZPE,
Healthy student volunteers were recruited and placed in a simulated prison, which was designed with the help of a prisoner who was in jail for 10+ years. Basically, volunteers were given roles, either as prisoners or guards and the aim of the study was to test whether the students conformed to their roles.. and they did. Yes, the guards basically harmed the students, abused them, treated them as if they were real prisoners, but in fact, they all belonged at the same level in reality, they were students.
It took only 3 days for the students to be emotionally disturbed.
Not only that, the experiment only lasted about 6 days before parents of "prisoners" threatened to sue Zimbardo.
The experiment portrayed realism and it shows how giving someone a powerful role can totally change their perspectives completely, no matter how similar they have been to you before this.
On the bright side, the experiment was bombarded with many debates and controversy, so it could not 100% justify human nature itself.. however, in my book, the initial results of the study was potent enough to suggest that all of us have a dark side in our subconscious mind, and it will shine when given an opportunity.
*
I am a fan of Ryan Higa's videos and have been following him since his 'How to be a ..' videos in the early years. 2 years back, he released a video called Most Annoying People on the Internet and named them MAPOTI in short. Two types of MAPOTI he had suggested in the video was 'The Attention Whore' and 'Overly Deep Person'. People like these never fail to take selfies and photos and pair them with captions which do not have any relation (literally 0% meaning) to the photos. The most common ones I have often seen nowadays happen to be selfies following a emotional love quote, a quote showing how lonely you are and you need a partner, or even trivial matters. An example would be a photo with 'I can't fall asleep' printed at the caption column.
FFS. If this is not attention seeking, I don't know what is. Narcissism.. hmm.. maybe? (They tend present themselves as perfect or good-looking as possible in those photos especially.)
Please if you are desperate for love, go look for it. A photo of yourself would not stop you from being lonely, unless people's commends and comments are actually what you really want. If you can't sleep, find a way to sleep. I still do not understand the logic behind 'I can't sleep so I am going to take a pic of myself.'
Hey, do you still remember the times when photos are only used to capture a memorable event? A memory which you want it to be frozen in time so you can look back X years later and say, 'Wow, I remembered I had great fun.' or in some cases.. 'I used to know this person very well..'.
The technology is improving leaps and bounds, from camera, to a phone camera, then front phone camera and now we have selfie sticks abundantly available in the market.
It seems like the purpose of taking photos has evolved with time as well.
Or maybe, the development of technology is just too good of an opportunity to unleash the potential of attention-seeking and narcissism in humans.
A selfie or photo of others is harmless and it doesn't relate to me in any way, but it can sometimes be very irritating to see.
I wonder why?
P.S. The content of my post is not targeted to any particular person, just a common scenario which I have experienced.
Signing off,
Jayden
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Note to self
Exams are coming in two weeks and I am still here taking a chill pill.
The urgency to study is just not there, however, I have made preparations for it which I feel sufficient enough for me to at least pass the exams. I do want to reach for the moon and go for an overall first-class for my first year, but it seems that the motivation is just not there. There seem to be someone, an illusory figure - something like a 'lil-jay' lying deep inside my consciousness, telling me to relax and play some DotA. That being said, my improved self-control has allowed me to limit the number of games which I play everyday (none at all, sometimes), which I should feel pretty proud of. Yeah, I think after this blog post, I should really go into overdrive and set my mind on the right target.
It has been a great Easter break, but I might just have to leave my updates until after the exams.
So, in this blog post, I will just resort to talking about some of my feelings, mood and some self-reflection.
After leaving college for about a year, I realize more and more of my friends have gotten into a relationship, some from the college, some from the university. It's great to see photos of some of them who are more public with their relationship and it seems like they are having a great time with their partners. Subconsciously, this made me think a lot about being in a relationship, the effects, pros and cons, and the feeling and meaning it gives to a person. To be honest, I missed being in a relationship.. and my last one, although not that long, was certainly enough to provide a great sense of how being liked by a girl feels like and how liking her and the willingness to do anything to be around her feels like. However, in the other part of consciousness, it is reminding me of how being tied to someone means that many issues will come into play, and it will take time to maintain a long-term relationship. Responsibility, trust and minor things such as maintaining the interest of the partner and his/her expectancy, all play a vital role in maintaining a not only healthy but also blissful relationship. It not only requires a lot of effort but most importantly, sacrifice.
Yes, the rage of DotA is back. I have been trying to take a have fun and pure enjoyment approach towards the game but sometimes for me, in-game flaming (scolding, blaming, etc..) is unavoidable. Little do I have any idea behind the reason of my eagerness to win in a mere online game which amounts to nothing when it is over. As a multi-player game which requires people to work together together to achieve an objective, communication between the players is paramount. Playing with random teammates, it is my obligation to give out some instructions/opinions of what is happening in real-game situations. Here comes the most important part. Sometimes, people just either:
a) don't respond
b) respond with a language from another country
c) make a counter argument
d) starts flaming
e) follows
Let me tell you, for the case of c), I would listen if they actually tell me what are they planning to do as this acts at a signal to me that you are actually aware of the current situation.
The worst kind of players, in my opinion, are players who don't communicate and expect people to know what they are thinking, and the worst part is, there are some of my friends who are this type of player. This leads to definite flaming as the rules are simple. Let me break it down. Imagine telling someone what your plans as you see an opportunity for the goal, that person doesn't respond to you, and you went for the opportunity but ended up being dead because you are outnumbered (2-1, 3-2, 4-3 in this case) by the opposing team. I have always been a keyboard warrior in games, because I want people to know my next move, and most of the times people just ignore and don't say a shit. For fuck sake, if you want to play a team game, learn to communicate and stop hiding behind the screen and judge. Sometimes I think a little flaming can sometimes have a positive impact on the game despite the usage of harsh sentences as people actually discuss about the situation.
I am not a pro gamer or anything, but you don't have to be a pro gamer to learn how to work as a team.
One of the modules of my exams is titled, Human Development, Cognition and Emotion. I can already envision my downfall in this paper. Human thoughts man, I mean I went through the lecture notes of my module and could understand 90% of the contents, but to pick apart the contents and answer the questions individually just feels like an impossible task. Due to the fact that there are too many abstract information, numerous theories and experiments that can be tested regarding the brain, it is going to be a struggle to fit everything in my working memory. Too much on-going proactive interference. (Learning of a new subject affects the memory of the previous subject),
Somebody help help help help.
Sincerely,
Jayden-requires-your-help-if-anyone-ever-reads-this-post
The urgency to study is just not there, however, I have made preparations for it which I feel sufficient enough for me to at least pass the exams. I do want to reach for the moon and go for an overall first-class for my first year, but it seems that the motivation is just not there. There seem to be someone, an illusory figure - something like a 'lil-jay' lying deep inside my consciousness, telling me to relax and play some DotA. That being said, my improved self-control has allowed me to limit the number of games which I play everyday (none at all, sometimes), which I should feel pretty proud of. Yeah, I think after this blog post, I should really go into overdrive and set my mind on the right target.
It has been a great Easter break, but I might just have to leave my updates until after the exams.
So, in this blog post, I will just resort to talking about some of my feelings, mood and some self-reflection.
After leaving college for about a year, I realize more and more of my friends have gotten into a relationship, some from the college, some from the university. It's great to see photos of some of them who are more public with their relationship and it seems like they are having a great time with their partners. Subconsciously, this made me think a lot about being in a relationship, the effects, pros and cons, and the feeling and meaning it gives to a person. To be honest, I missed being in a relationship.. and my last one, although not that long, was certainly enough to provide a great sense of how being liked by a girl feels like and how liking her and the willingness to do anything to be around her feels like. However, in the other part of consciousness, it is reminding me of how being tied to someone means that many issues will come into play, and it will take time to maintain a long-term relationship. Responsibility, trust and minor things such as maintaining the interest of the partner and his/her expectancy, all play a vital role in maintaining a not only healthy but also blissful relationship. It not only requires a lot of effort but most importantly, sacrifice.
Yes, the rage of DotA is back. I have been trying to take a have fun and pure enjoyment approach towards the game but sometimes for me, in-game flaming (scolding, blaming, etc..) is unavoidable. Little do I have any idea behind the reason of my eagerness to win in a mere online game which amounts to nothing when it is over. As a multi-player game which requires people to work together together to achieve an objective, communication between the players is paramount. Playing with random teammates, it is my obligation to give out some instructions/opinions of what is happening in real-game situations. Here comes the most important part. Sometimes, people just either:
a) don't respond
b) respond with a language from another country
c) make a counter argument
d) starts flaming
e) follows
Let me tell you, for the case of c), I would listen if they actually tell me what are they planning to do as this acts at a signal to me that you are actually aware of the current situation.
The worst kind of players, in my opinion, are players who don't communicate and expect people to know what they are thinking, and the worst part is, there are some of my friends who are this type of player. This leads to definite flaming as the rules are simple. Let me break it down. Imagine telling someone what your plans as you see an opportunity for the goal, that person doesn't respond to you, and you went for the opportunity but ended up being dead because you are outnumbered (2-1, 3-2, 4-3 in this case) by the opposing team. I have always been a keyboard warrior in games, because I want people to know my next move, and most of the times people just ignore and don't say a shit. For fuck sake, if you want to play a team game, learn to communicate and stop hiding behind the screen and judge. Sometimes I think a little flaming can sometimes have a positive impact on the game despite the usage of harsh sentences as people actually discuss about the situation.
I am not a pro gamer or anything, but you don't have to be a pro gamer to learn how to work as a team.
One of the modules of my exams is titled, Human Development, Cognition and Emotion. I can already envision my downfall in this paper. Human thoughts man, I mean I went through the lecture notes of my module and could understand 90% of the contents, but to pick apart the contents and answer the questions individually just feels like an impossible task. Due to the fact that there are too many abstract information, numerous theories and experiments that can be tested regarding the brain, it is going to be a struggle to fit everything in my working memory. Too much on-going proactive interference. (Learning of a new subject affects the memory of the previous subject),
Somebody help help help help.
Sincerely,
Jayden-requires-your-help-if-anyone-ever-reads-this-post
Monday, March 23, 2015
Calm to Rage
Looking out of the window, a sense of calmness and peacefulness overwhelmed me. I can never get enough of the breathless view of the landscape laid right outside. An uphill path accompanied by trees by the road, with also sea gulls flying in the blue sky occasionally. Whenever there are sounds of bird chirping, I would just grab the binoculars that I purchased for Animal Behaviour module and just observe them through the window (Post-AnimalBehaviour Syndrome).
The end of my first university life is near, and to me, I think I had a fine breakthrough year. The aim coming to Exeter for me is to avoid main Malaysian gathering spots. I can gladly say that I am able to mix into different cultures now, such as learning and listening the accents of the locals, holding a conversation with them and also getting an idea of how different their lifestyles are as compared to the Malaysian life. Well, there is nothing that can be compared to home, and it's true enough. However, as much as I want to go back home, I would definitely like to stay here a bit longer and exposed myself to UK, vice versa. The main problem however, is that the world doesn't work that way. Summer beak lasts for about 3 months, but I will not have any accommodation here by then, and it would be a hassle to look for temporary accommodation.
Recently, I ran for the President position in Malaysian Society of University of Exeter. It was a gamble and a risky move for me as I could have ran for other positions first. However, in my opinion, there is no hope for the Malaysian Society here, activity-wise, unity-wise and I think it's funny how the past committee didn't ask for the feedback of the members about what we really want. Maybe this is the reason why there are actually Malaysians who didn't bat an eye on attending the HIGHLIGHT activities of the Malaysian society or even joining the Malaysian Society at all because it would be more just an one off event really. You might not see the people you meet until maybe a few months later.
It was a really frustrating issue for me, and I decided that I want to make a change, as I clearly see whether the problem lies. Before the AGM, I had a hot debate with the ex-President. I told her my plans and stuffs like that, which she rebuttal with a lot of hypothetical situations and some ridiculous questions which I think was fucking stupid. After that night, I was completely dumbfounded of the leader we had for the committee the last year and was just speechless. That approach of a president leading a society.. I completely lost all my respect for her, which probably does not matter now anyways.
During the AGM, my friends and seniors who supported me came and told me that my speech was decent. I do not really care about that to be fair. In my mind, I just wanted the person who is chosen to lead the society to actually make a change to the approach of the society. It's funny how during the President QnA session, seniors who seldom appeared in events were the ones who came out with lots of questions. To be honest, I do realize that those seniors were the one who segregate themselves from the group and don't really mix with other Malaysians except for themselves. Wow, typing until here, it just builds up my anger inside. It really is funny. Those that I had actually interacted were the humble part of the committee, and I really love them. But a committee with a lacklustre president who doesn't commit to the society is just a ship with a sleeping captain.
One of my friend did told me that my speech was a bit of a provocation, but I fail to agree with her. To me, I am just saying what I had seen and what I plan to improve on. I think that Words would not offend people personally, unless they realize they are the one who Did it and Deserved it. It's funny really.
Yes, I did not get elected at last, as expected. I find it laughable how our AGM gained an attendance of only around 50 people by sight and it was just amazing. Well, bless the newly elected president, who I had not ever SEEN before in any events in Malaysian Society. I did mentioned in my speech, it doesn't matter what experience, skills or management skills you have, if you don't commit yourself into the work, it's just going to be shit. He definitely had the experience according to his CV but hopefully he is committed enough to stick with his words and keep the society afloat. I was less impressed when one of my 2nd year seniors, also a 3rd year student in Exeter did not get elected. I think he will do an impressive job and was the only contestant that I had expected to lose to.
However, it was a great journey for me. It made me think a lot about how I can strategise, plan and improve something which is on the verge of breaking. Some of my friends running for the position also mentioned my name in part of the speech, which I felt really grateful. Yes, part of my name was mentioned as previously, I actually posted stuffs on the Malaysian Facebook Society, asking for dinner with Malaysians, asking for a game of basketball with Malaysians. From organizing those small socials, I managed to find people with common interest and to make friends with them. It was great, and it is clearly lacking in the society now.
Now, things are out of my hand, I would probably commit less time to the Malaysian Society depending on the events they plan. If it turns out to be the same, it would just prove again that Malaysian Society is all talk but no action.
Such rage. I just cannot contain it.
Jayden
The end of my first university life is near, and to me, I think I had a fine breakthrough year. The aim coming to Exeter for me is to avoid main Malaysian gathering spots. I can gladly say that I am able to mix into different cultures now, such as learning and listening the accents of the locals, holding a conversation with them and also getting an idea of how different their lifestyles are as compared to the Malaysian life. Well, there is nothing that can be compared to home, and it's true enough. However, as much as I want to go back home, I would definitely like to stay here a bit longer and exposed myself to UK, vice versa. The main problem however, is that the world doesn't work that way. Summer beak lasts for about 3 months, but I will not have any accommodation here by then, and it would be a hassle to look for temporary accommodation.
Recently, I ran for the President position in Malaysian Society of University of Exeter. It was a gamble and a risky move for me as I could have ran for other positions first. However, in my opinion, there is no hope for the Malaysian Society here, activity-wise, unity-wise and I think it's funny how the past committee didn't ask for the feedback of the members about what we really want. Maybe this is the reason why there are actually Malaysians who didn't bat an eye on attending the HIGHLIGHT activities of the Malaysian society or even joining the Malaysian Society at all because it would be more just an one off event really. You might not see the people you meet until maybe a few months later.
It was a really frustrating issue for me, and I decided that I want to make a change, as I clearly see whether the problem lies. Before the AGM, I had a hot debate with the ex-President. I told her my plans and stuffs like that, which she rebuttal with a lot of hypothetical situations and some ridiculous questions which I think was fucking stupid. After that night, I was completely dumbfounded of the leader we had for the committee the last year and was just speechless. That approach of a president leading a society.. I completely lost all my respect for her, which probably does not matter now anyways.
During the AGM, my friends and seniors who supported me came and told me that my speech was decent. I do not really care about that to be fair. In my mind, I just wanted the person who is chosen to lead the society to actually make a change to the approach of the society. It's funny how during the President QnA session, seniors who seldom appeared in events were the ones who came out with lots of questions. To be honest, I do realize that those seniors were the one who segregate themselves from the group and don't really mix with other Malaysians except for themselves. Wow, typing until here, it just builds up my anger inside. It really is funny. Those that I had actually interacted were the humble part of the committee, and I really love them. But a committee with a lacklustre president who doesn't commit to the society is just a ship with a sleeping captain.
One of my friend did told me that my speech was a bit of a provocation, but I fail to agree with her. To me, I am just saying what I had seen and what I plan to improve on. I think that Words would not offend people personally, unless they realize they are the one who Did it and Deserved it. It's funny really.
Yes, I did not get elected at last, as expected. I find it laughable how our AGM gained an attendance of only around 50 people by sight and it was just amazing. Well, bless the newly elected president, who I had not ever SEEN before in any events in Malaysian Society. I did mentioned in my speech, it doesn't matter what experience, skills or management skills you have, if you don't commit yourself into the work, it's just going to be shit. He definitely had the experience according to his CV but hopefully he is committed enough to stick with his words and keep the society afloat. I was less impressed when one of my 2nd year seniors, also a 3rd year student in Exeter did not get elected. I think he will do an impressive job and was the only contestant that I had expected to lose to.
However, it was a great journey for me. It made me think a lot about how I can strategise, plan and improve something which is on the verge of breaking. Some of my friends running for the position also mentioned my name in part of the speech, which I felt really grateful. Yes, part of my name was mentioned as previously, I actually posted stuffs on the Malaysian Facebook Society, asking for dinner with Malaysians, asking for a game of basketball with Malaysians. From organizing those small socials, I managed to find people with common interest and to make friends with them. It was great, and it is clearly lacking in the society now.
Now, things are out of my hand, I would probably commit less time to the Malaysian Society depending on the events they plan. If it turns out to be the same, it would just prove again that Malaysian Society is all talk but no action.
Such rage. I just cannot contain it.
Jayden
Monday, February 16, 2015
Midnight thoughts
Sorry to readers who were anticipating a Warwick post, I have decided not to type one. Well, to be honest, I was in the area within the university campus the whole time and did not even visit the city centre.. so yeah, there isn't much to say. The only thing which was a new experience for me was the insane 8 hour bus rides that I had to take to and back from Coventry - literally pain in the ass. Although I had to endure that condition, I was blessed to be able to witness snowfall during my bus journey to Warwick. I was taking a nap at that time. When I opened my eyes, I was so amazed at the view of snow just brushing by and also accumulating on the top of the cars passing by us. It was my first snow, so I am lucky I got the chance to make a wish.
2 weeks ago, I received my first semester results. Glad to say, I managed to pass all my modules and scored above average for most of my modules. The most surprising thing was, I actually scored 91/100 for my Animal behaviour paper. When I first saw my results, I was just dumbfounded. Among the 3 reports I did last semester, I scored the worst for my Animal behaviour. It was a miracle that I had 91, as my projected passing mark for the module had just soared to a first class score.
In between the time from the last blog post to now, I have watched 2 animes - Tokyo Ghoul and Baka to Test! Shokanjuu. Tokyo Ghoul is a masterpiece. The plot surrounds the modern society and this makes the story line even more realistic. Desolation, Hopelessness, Reality, Realisation and Acceptance. All these values were crammed into a single person, the main character - Kaneki. This anime was first introduced to me by its weird-sounding opening theme. (which is part of my playlist now). After watching the whole series, only did I understand the whole meaning of the song, and on the day which I finished the anime, it fucked me in the mind. Baka to Test is an anime from 2011, rather old, but it's comedy-filled. If you need a laugh while having dinner, Baka to Test is a great option to go for.
Yesterday, I ordered myself a nendroid.
Well this character is called Flonne, from the well-known Disgaea series, which is a tactical role-playing game available in various console. Since the mid of January, after my exams, I downloaded the first game in the series, Disgaea : Hours of Darkness and ran it with PCSX2 on my laptop. Up til my recent discovery of nendroids, I stumbled upon Flonne from the game and found it rather cute. especially with this expression on. That motivated me to get one of the models for myself.
Also, the only songs that have played in my head for the past 3 weeks until now are Vocaloid songs. Most songs are brilliant in so many ways, the lyrics, melody, vocals (although all are synthesized, they fit quite well in the songs). My preference though is to not listen to songs that are sung by vocaloid, and by utaites (people who cover the vocaloid songs - some of them can be found on my playlist). Most of the utaite remain unknown, so most listeners have no idea about the appearance of the person who sings that song. Curiosity kills man.
2 weeks ago, I received my first semester results. Glad to say, I managed to pass all my modules and scored above average for most of my modules. The most surprising thing was, I actually scored 91/100 for my Animal behaviour paper. When I first saw my results, I was just dumbfounded. Among the 3 reports I did last semester, I scored the worst for my Animal behaviour. It was a miracle that I had 91, as my projected passing mark for the module had just soared to a first class score.
In between the time from the last blog post to now, I have watched 2 animes - Tokyo Ghoul and Baka to Test! Shokanjuu. Tokyo Ghoul is a masterpiece. The plot surrounds the modern society and this makes the story line even more realistic. Desolation, Hopelessness, Reality, Realisation and Acceptance. All these values were crammed into a single person, the main character - Kaneki. This anime was first introduced to me by its weird-sounding opening theme. (which is part of my playlist now). After watching the whole series, only did I understand the whole meaning of the song, and on the day which I finished the anime, it fucked me in the mind. Baka to Test is an anime from 2011, rather old, but it's comedy-filled. If you need a laugh while having dinner, Baka to Test is a great option to go for.
Yesterday, I ordered myself a nendroid.
Well this character is called Flonne, from the well-known Disgaea series, which is a tactical role-playing game available in various console. Since the mid of January, after my exams, I downloaded the first game in the series, Disgaea : Hours of Darkness and ran it with PCSX2 on my laptop. Up til my recent discovery of nendroids, I stumbled upon Flonne from the game and found it rather cute. especially with this expression on. That motivated me to get one of the models for myself.
 |
| Flonne |
Also, the only songs that have played in my head for the past 3 weeks until now are Vocaloid songs. Most songs are brilliant in so many ways, the lyrics, melody, vocals (although all are synthesized, they fit quite well in the songs). My preference though is to not listen to songs that are sung by vocaloid, and by utaites (people who cover the vocaloid songs - some of them can be found on my playlist). Most of the utaite remain unknown, so most listeners have no idea about the appearance of the person who sings that song. Curiosity kills man.
There are some famous utaites which vocals which I really fancy, such as :
Chalili
Mafumafu
Akiakane
Guriri (My favourite)
Reol
96Neko
Ikasan
Glutamine
Glutamine
Man, too bad I have no idea how to sing, if not I wanna sing covers as well..
Anyways, Chinese New Year is coming soon.
To everyone, no matter overseas or in Malaysia, have a prosperous year and all the best in everything you do.
Signing off,
Jayden
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
In My Head
In a blink of an eye, 2015 has arrived..
In a blink of an eye, almost 2 weeks of the first month have already passed by..
Time passes so quick that it sometimes can be a pain.. as there're so many things to do but so little time.
I had a great year personally, however I can hardly deny the fact that 2014 is a disastrous (literally) year overall. I feel for the pain of the families who lost their dearest due to the plane crashes cases that had occur in the past. Hopefully, our country can overcome these unfortunate events and the nation can stay strong throughout this year.
It's also the start of the 5th month for me in Exeter, UK. Come to think of it, I am enjoying my time studying here surrounded by the nature. It gave me a refreshing ambience with wind breezing almost everyday. Although far from everyone else, I think it's great to reside in a county instead of a city, where you hear cars everyday and the rushing footsteps of tourists and office workers.
Distance wasn't a problem at all, for me in particular, as I was willing to spend time to travel around the UK. Before today, I had traveled to Bath, Cardiff and recently London - to celebrate New Year's Eve with Jay Vern and Junwei.
I am going to just briefly explain my 5 days of London trip. To start it off, it wasn't really a trip as a tourist but a food-hunter. In those days, I spent a bomb, having servings of ducks and lobsters almost everyday. Here is the evidence.
I went to eat Duck and Waffle as well. Here's a little about the Duck & Waffle restaurant. It is located on the 40th floor of a building and opens 23 hours everyday. It is a famous place to have luxurious food and get a glimpse of the sunrise as well. Sneakers and casual clothes are not allowed.. but we got in anyways.
In a blink of an eye, almost 2 weeks of the first month have already passed by..
Time passes so quick that it sometimes can be a pain.. as there're so many things to do but so little time.
I had a great year personally, however I can hardly deny the fact that 2014 is a disastrous (literally) year overall. I feel for the pain of the families who lost their dearest due to the plane crashes cases that had occur in the past. Hopefully, our country can overcome these unfortunate events and the nation can stay strong throughout this year.
It's also the start of the 5th month for me in Exeter, UK. Come to think of it, I am enjoying my time studying here surrounded by the nature. It gave me a refreshing ambience with wind breezing almost everyday. Although far from everyone else, I think it's great to reside in a county instead of a city, where you hear cars everyday and the rushing footsteps of tourists and office workers.
Distance wasn't a problem at all, for me in particular, as I was willing to spend time to travel around the UK. Before today, I had traveled to Bath, Cardiff and recently London - to celebrate New Year's Eve with Jay Vern and Junwei.
I am going to just briefly explain my 5 days of London trip. To start it off, it wasn't really a trip as a tourist but a food-hunter. In those days, I spent a bomb, having servings of ducks and lobsters almost everyday. Here is the evidence.
 |
| Burger and Lobster |
 |
| Nasi Lemak |
 |
| Roast duck |
 |
| Hainan Chicken Rice |
I went to eat Duck and Waffle as well. Here's a little about the Duck & Waffle restaurant. It is located on the 40th floor of a building and opens 23 hours everyday. It is a famous place to have luxurious food and get a glimpse of the sunrise as well. Sneakers and casual clothes are not allowed.. but we got in anyways.
Anyways, we celebrated out New Year's Eve in front of the HD TV on the News Channel, where it showed the entire duration of fireworks live from Big Ben.. and also Queen's concert feat. Adam Lambert. The London fireworks was amazing, however with the pay2watch system.. it left a distaste on the poorer folks but still, people filled up the entire area.
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| Imperial College London |
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| Geology Department |
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| Royal Albert Hall |
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| Royal College of Music London |
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| Hyde Park |
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| View from London bridge |
Well, in this blog post, I have to once against thank Jay Vern and his mom for the hospitality they had given me during my trip in London. Thanks a lot Jay! :)
**
Fun was fun but.. the reality of exams approaching in two days time after my London trip was a real game killer. To be honest, I faced all of them with typical me, stress-less.
Okay a little about me.. I have not felt stress before when it comes to exams. It's not a big thing to boast or whatever, to me.. if you have read something, you won't fail, that's certain.
This is my opinion.
People nowadays are too realistic. How? Study for wanting a good result. Hiring someone with a good result. So, this means that studying hard can guarantee you a good job. Undeniable fact. However, after having lectures about psychology, it taught me that most things, (in my case, human behaviour) always has an intermediate that links between both aspects. So, to me 'knowledge' is the intermediate between studying and result; result and getting hired. It is vital to get good score, but is that, or let me rephrase it, SHOULD THAT be our reason of studying? No.
In my opinion, studying should be an enjoyment to learn for new knowledge and maybe that is why encountering exams, it feels like I am utilizing my knowledge to tackle my questions and not my notes. Sure notes is an essential piece of written words, but being a Malaysian, I am sure that some students just memorize those words, instead of understanding what was written.
**
Since coming to the UK, being away from home, learning new cultures of people, mastering many forms of communication (mainly with my flatmates) and just having lots of time spent alone in my room, thinking and reflecting about things is a great experience. It makes me think that, what the future holds for me.
My future is a shady path.. since the degree I am studying can either lead me to various of pathways or none at all.. a condition which I called the 'hit' or 'miss'. Life is like a game. Those who play DotA with me knows.. my concept of win or lose is simple, its either the competitor is strong, or you are weak. There is no too strong or too weak among competitors. Compare with someone who you lost, you are weak.. that's all.
**
I am currently in a stage where psychology has taken part of my life.. and to me it's coming to be quite true. I can still remember my friends and relatives who joked with me about analyzing them upon meeting them at first sight. I guess, it is true.. analyzing has taken over me when meeting with someone. I am very surprised to learn things like depression and immediately realize the symptoms fit in to the behaviour of some of my friends back home.
**
I guess I am going to stop typing here.
The ending of an exam only to be followed by the start of a new semester right after, without any breaks.
It is tiring, isn't it..?
But what is tired.. when you are not going through it alone.
Friday, December 19, 2014
雨
To all my English speaking friends who can't recognize Chinese characters. The title means 'Rain'.
It has come down to the time of the year in UK which the sky becomes so sad til the point that it weeps nearly everyday. Even as I walked back from Exeter's St David's station to my university, I got drenched by the heavy 'light shower' along the way.
My past 4 days in Cardiff was not really exciting. Like I told Rachel (my host in Cardiff), I don't prioritize exploring a new place in a trip. In my book, enjoying company of a friend and someone to reminisce about stories and mutual memories back home is more worthwhile as a visit. (Well, in this case, I came for food. :D)
It was my first time travelling by train and well I was a quite anxious about it. I always had this fear of missing the train or stops.. so when I learnt from my friend that the train only stopped for a very short time upon arriving a stop, it bugged me the whole train ride. I couldn't really sleep or do anything in fact on the train as being conscious of the time was a definite necessity.
Meh.. Cardiff weather was much much warmer than in Exeter.. but if you were to give me one word to describe Cardiff.. WET is ds definitely the word. I will explain this later on.
My arrival was greeted by Rachel, his brother and Rach's flatmate Tom. They came to the town to get some stuffs, so my job that day was to follow them around the city center (barely visiting any places). Although that, I managed to stop by and bought myself Welsh Cakes in the marketplace. If you are wondering what is Welsh Cake all about.. it's basically flour.. however, it tasted pretty good in combination with jam.
At night, Rach made me dinner! Yes, I didn't have to cook hahahaha, but I volunteered to wash the dishes though. Later into the night, I had a small gathering with Han Rui - one of my Cardiff friend who was on a student exchange program, doing her 3rd year law here. Well, it was not really a small gathering. In fact, the flat people apparently invited other people over and it gradually become a flat party. The weird part was, the party was dominated by Malaysians and a few international ones. The whole night in the flat was filled with laughter and warmth as we chatted and also played some dancing game on Tom's Wii. Well, it was great to have to an opportunity to meet up with Han Rui again right before her flight to other parts of Europe.
At night, I technically slept on the ground.. but with a layer of mattress. So yeah, although it's not the most supreme comfort, but it's better than sleeping on the FLOOR literally like what I did in Bath.
On the 2nd day, Rach brought me to visit the Cardiff City Center.
There is definitely more to the city than what my photo has shown. Too lazy to take down everything. :D
Well, for dinner I got treated one of the best of meals that I have had since I came to the UK.
Pirvinsha made the potatoes, Tom made the beans and tomatoes and Rach made curry.
And as usual, I washed the dishes. LOL.
Such wholesome meal.. and yea, it tastes exactly like what are you guys seeing right now - Amazing.
Before bed, we watched a movie called If I stay.. it was terrible.. and unbelievable..
Third day, Rach said she would make garlic bread for breakfast.. and I ended up eating the whole loaf of it.. LOL. Skyped Xin Ying (friend from Malaysia) after breakfast before leaving the flat to Cardiff bay at around 1pm. Before heading to the train station, we had a walk at the Bute park. (We entered from another entrance.) Just so you know, The area Bute park covered is huge. It is possible (but unlikely) to get lost in it.
Did not realize I shot so many photos of the park.
Well, we had to take a train from Cathays station to Cardiff bay.
Yea.. so coming to what we have been waiting for. Tonight's dinner.
There's only 3 words to describe this. Less than 3.
It has come down to the time of the year in UK which the sky becomes so sad til the point that it weeps nearly everyday. Even as I walked back from Exeter's St David's station to my university, I got drenched by the heavy 'light shower' along the way.
My past 4 days in Cardiff was not really exciting. Like I told Rachel (my host in Cardiff), I don't prioritize exploring a new place in a trip. In my book, enjoying company of a friend and someone to reminisce about stories and mutual memories back home is more worthwhile as a visit. (Well, in this case, I came for food. :D)
 |
| My Host/Tour Guide/Chef and Me :) |
The train ride from Exeter to Cardiff took 1 hour and 45 minutes, saving about 2x of the time taking bus. Had a little bit of embarrassed moment for me when I inserted the seat reservation ticket instead of the official travel ticket into the machine as I was trying to get through the gate. LOL.
My arrival was greeted by Rachel, his brother and Rach's flatmate Tom. They came to the town to get some stuffs, so my job that day was to follow them around the city center (barely visiting any places). Although that, I managed to stop by and bought myself Welsh Cakes in the marketplace. If you are wondering what is Welsh Cake all about.. it's basically flour.. however, it tasted pretty good in combination with jam.
At night, Rach made me dinner! Yes, I didn't have to cook hahahaha, but I volunteered to wash the dishes though. Later into the night, I had a small gathering with Han Rui - one of my Cardiff friend who was on a student exchange program, doing her 3rd year law here. Well, it was not really a small gathering. In fact, the flat people apparently invited other people over and it gradually become a flat party. The weird part was, the party was dominated by Malaysians and a few international ones. The whole night in the flat was filled with laughter and warmth as we chatted and also played some dancing game on Tom's Wii. Well, it was great to have to an opportunity to meet up with Han Rui again right before her flight to other parts of Europe.
At night, I technically slept on the ground.. but with a layer of mattress. So yeah, although it's not the most supreme comfort, but it's better than sleeping on the FLOOR literally like what I did in Bath.
On the 2nd day, Rach brought me to visit the Cardiff City Center.
 |
| One part of City Center |
 |
| Cardiff Castle |
 |
| I think this is the Morgan street? There are quite a few of these. |
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| Founder of NHS who is going to take care of my health in UK |
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| Awesome clock |
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| My IG photo - Bute Park IMO, this looks like an exorcism kind of place lol. |
Well, for dinner I got treated one of the best of meals that I have had since I came to the UK.
 |
| Baked Potatoes-Long Beans & Tomato-Curry |
And as usual, I washed the dishes. LOL.
Such wholesome meal.. and yea, it tastes exactly like what are you guys seeing right now - Amazing.
Before bed, we watched a movie called If I stay.. it was terrible.. and unbelievable..
Third day, Rach said she would make garlic bread for breakfast.. and I ended up eating the whole loaf of it.. LOL. Skyped Xin Ying (friend from Malaysia) after breakfast before leaving the flat to Cardiff bay at around 1pm. Before heading to the train station, we had a walk at the Bute park. (We entered from another entrance.) Just so you know, The area Bute park covered is huge. It is possible (but unlikely) to get lost in it.
 |
| Road to the entrance of Bute Park |
 |
| River Taff (I'm on a bridge btw) |
Did not realize I shot so many photos of the park.
Well, we had to take a train from Cathays station to Cardiff bay.
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| Road to Cardiff Bay |
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| Shameless selfie |
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| Old National Assembly for Wales |
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| BBC Wales on the other side |
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| Millennium Center - Theater performances are shown inside |
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| Night View |
Yea.. so coming to what we have been waiting for. Tonight's dinner.
 |
| Char siew + Cabbage + Rice |
<3
Oh yeah, we also watched 被偷走的那五年.. and guess who cried? XD
I went back to Exeter on the 17th.. and back to facing the reality of exams dawning on me soon enough. It was a great four day spent with great experience obtained, instead of just spending time staring on the laptop screen back in the hostel. (The irony, considering that is what I am exactly doing right now. Haha.) Although Cardiff isn't considered one of the most beautiful places in UK, but it certainly has its attractive sites and I had the privilege to visit them.
I was actually quite conflicted in my decision of travelling to Cardiff in the beginning, as Han Rui and Rach were the only good friends I know studying in Cardiff. It was tough to decide whether it was okay to crash by an accommodation belonging to the opposite gender. I know people would think that it is possible to sleep on the sofa in the living area - which was what I suggested at first, but Rach was kind enough to let me stay the night in her room.. which was much much more warmer.
Well, I just wanna thank her for the past 4 days, showing me around and also showcasing all her best cooked meals for my every dinner there. It was awesome and reminded a lot of home. Both of us actually lived nearby from each other in Malaysia and well.. to be able to meet each other again in UK, it was emotionally overwhelming. Well Rach, Thanks for having me in Cardiff!! :)
If meeting a friend in U.K.everytime can give me such a great feeling emotionally, I think I would be addicted to travelling. If only.. train prices running through Exeter can be cheaper..
Well it is 3 am now.. an hour since I started typing..
Should probably go to bed. Nights.
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