Before I forget.

It already started to feel a little weird.. still could not get over the fact that I actually traveled to Bath just 2 days ago. This short 2 days trip that was planned since a few weeks ago came to a great success as we got to visit most of the hotspots in Bath.

It was on Saturday that I took my 5 am bus there. Some people called me crazy but when the incredible difference in tickets came in to play, I figured it was a no contest. A single way trip to Bath is 3 pounds, and in comparison to the 15 pounds, conversion of the currency played a big factor.

Anyways, being at bus stop at 5am, I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw Alicia, one of my Malaysian friends in Exeter. Apparently, she had the idea of visiting Bath's Christmas Market as well but only decided to go on a one day trip. Well, it's good to have an acquaintance in the bus as 3 hours of bus ride alone can be boring.

I reached the Bath City Centre at 8am and the first impression I got was.. 'why the hell is it so cold man.' Even with thermals and jacket, I was shivering like mad, not to mention Alicia who wore much lesser than I did. However, I did not miss the chance to take a photo with this Christmas tree right opposite my bus stop.

When I first arrived

It was so cold that even smiling seemed like a tough job to do.

Initially, I planned to walk all the way to the university. On my google map, the estimated time of arrival was 43 minutes by walking, which was actually fine by me. However, the temperature and weather just didn't allow me to do so and I ended up taking a bus.

Upon arrival at the university bus stop, I figured that I am probably doomed as I didn't have Chuan Jiet's or Vicky's UK number and I did what any another annoying friend in the world would do - spam their whatsapp. Well, the other alternative was Hui Peng, which had a 'last seen 5 hours ago' on my messenger box. I sent a message seeking urgent help. Luckily, Hui Peng replied me,. at the sight of that I was definitely on cloud nine. My hands were already numb and I could not really feel them anymore (I am not even joking.) Through facebook messages, she guided me to a place to wait for her as she prepared to come and pick me up. Apparently the place was right outside a big mart - even bigger than my forum's shop - which I thought was big enough lol, and I got myself a Cherry-Apple cider as a warm up drink.

5 minutes felt like eternity while waiting for Hui Peng as the cold weather threatened to engulf me. The mere sight of her brought me a sense of relief, and we headed off to her room. It was certainly nice to be back indoors. We talked for a bit and deep in my heart I was amazed by how well organised her room was except for the big luggage hogging the entire way. When CJ finally came over, followed by Leon, we headed over to CJ's room to drop off my luggage. Sleepy-looking Vicky greeted me at Chuan Jiet's door before I barged straight in to drop my luggage somewhere at the floor - which was my sleeping spot for the night.

After everyone was ready, we headed to the town. 

Landscape view from the top of hill

Walking to city was a long way, but gravity helped us downhill pretty quick. Bath city, unlike Exeter's was much bigger and buildings there had a drop of classic-modern style of architecture.

Before visiting around, we waited for Ken (on his way from Nottingham) in a signature brand shop. 

After having buffet for lunch, Chuan Jiet started his tour guide duty showing us around. 

Bath Abbey

Royal Crescent

Vicky asked me to do this for the Gay Street

Swag nation guys.

Another Christmas tree somewhere

Vicky - master in selfies

Group photo

Nottingham-Exeter-Southampton

Another tree

That's basically for the first day.

For the night, we camped at Chuan Jiet's room to watch 七号房的礼物 - a korean movie which was supposed to be touching but it was too unrealistic to make me cry lol. We had a small chat before heading to bed later on.

My bed was not even a bed it was a blanket over a floor. I had to use Vicky's jacket as a pillow and her blanket as blanket as mine was laid on the floor. The cold was so cold that I had trouble falling into deep sleep. Woke up at 5am to put my thermal and socks on before I could carry on sleeping til 8 am.

We were all prepared and ready to go at 10am. Our next destination was Sally Lunn's house, a well-known house from the past which made mouth-watering but *cough* (overpriced) bread. It was good though. 

After sending off  Ken at the station at 12 noon, 3 of us spent rest of the day strolling around town before staying put at Costa from 3 - 5.30. 

During dinner, that was when a lot of DMC happened. ( deep meaningful conversation - term adopted from my flatmates) We had our dinner in a pub, so drinking was inevitable, although CJ got himself a mixed juice instead of a proper drink. Vicky and I had strongbow and guiness pint respectively.  

The environment was perfect for talks and we discussed a lot about life, studies, family, relationships, resolution. It was a roller coaster of feels and emotions for the night as I listened to them and related their issues to mine. I did not know much about them after 1.5 years in college as the time we met were mostly in a society (we were not from the same class), and I thought that night probably brought our friendship to a new level.

They sent me off at the bus stop at 8.20, and to be honest I was on the verge of tears after I hugged them both before hopping on the bus. It was a kind of friendship that I had never tasted since coming to the UK. Making new friends in a foreign country is common, but chances of forming a connection emotionally with them is probably quite slim, unless they are from the same country as you. For me this case, I don't have many.

"Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies." - Aristotle

I learnt this saying during form 5 and it was one that I could not understand. Maybe, just maybe I can understand it finally.

GG Bread

Last selfie 

After this trip, a new chapter of my life has finally opened.

Scribbling thoughts (feat Paramore)

It was a great week, a one which I really felt like home for the first time.
I was really happy and thrilled, to be able to see so many familiar faces which I did not expect to see.
To be honest, I would be hugely disappointed if I did not make it there. I was not supposed to be there at the first place anyways as I did not manage to put my name in the bus list when it was completely filled up. Thank god, Harrith had registered me before I even realize.

It was all so nostalgic for me, whenever I passed by someone I know and had a quick convo with them, images of how we met for the first time kept flashing at the back of my brain. (Power of the temporal lobes, haha.)

Anyways, I will just start with the events before the Nottingham games, Exeter "Onning the Christmas Lights" event. Well, the only thing I can say about this event is, I didn't know Christmas celebration lasts for 2 months her in the UK. LOL. It is only November and the trees and snowflakes decorations were up everywhere. I would have to go back to the Christmas Market some other days though, it was crowded the first day and my focus was more on my pathway than the stores they had.

City Centre

Me and the giant bauble

With Jon and Alex

Well, didn't get to take photos of the market. Like I said, human traffic was bad.

Okay the Nottingham games.

So being in Exeter, we had to take off at 2 a.m to be able to arrive at Nottingham at 6.30 a.m. 

Didn't get enough sleep on the bus and still my friends  from other universities are complaining that they were tired although coming from a shorter distance. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

When I first arrived at the University of Nottingham, it was fucking cold. Literally fucking. I was shivering and my limbs went numb and painful seriously. I was so desperate to find somewhere warm to stay but I didn't know the place at all. So, I had to stick to the crowd.

Well, I didn't have any first year friends to stick to.. so I was pretty much alone, in the cold for the whole morning.

It was not only til I reached the sports hall, after a long journey through the woods and accommodation of the Nottingham students, I met my first acquaintance which was Sora. It was good knowing somebody back home man, although I was not really close to him. 

The next person I met was one of my close buddies from SASA, we met on Skype before but seeing her in-person was a whole different feeling.

Vicky and I

It was not only until the 7.30p.m mark that I saw more and more familiar faces. I met the peeps from Cardiff, Han Rui and also Rachel.

Rachel and I

Then I saw people like Kelvin who disappeared for a sibeh long time and then Jun Wei, Jay Vern, Hui Peng, Yenn and Junn and Yu Jia. Wow, I just realized the list can go on for the whole night. (It's already 11.30 p.m. here and I have tutorials at 10 tomorrow.)

Well, seeing most of my friends were participating for something, I felt bad that I didn't make it to the Exeter badminton team or the basketball team. The ones representing our badminton were players from last year and to be honest my individual skills weren't even as good as them. For basketball, our form submission was rejected because it was too late. Man, I really hoped I could play something back there.

Anyways, the main reason for me to go to the Games was to meet this guy.

Yi Zen A.K.A Lemon Horse

Hahaha, the first thing I thought when I saw him, was about the Dota matches we had the day before which went ridiculously funny. Anyways, we knew each other since 14 in a gang called [GAY] in our class. We were still very close until now, however only 2 of us came to the UK and the rest of them stayed in Malaysia. 

Anyways, he came to Nottingham alone without following the Malaysian Society of his university. Well, we had the whole morning together, ate some shit Char Kuey Teow which is not even Kuey Teow, in fact it doesn't even taste like it. We sat at the railings of outside a nearby hall and talked about lots of stuffs..(One of it was how Yi Zen uses his laptop as power bank LMAO), occasionally filled with complaints about the food for being too spicy, salty and shit. HAHAHA. Not to mention, it costed a bomb.

Then, we walked out to the main street and found the Warwick bus by accident which had Jing Wei on it. Then we asked the driver whether we can board it, and we did. LOL.

Well, for the whole day, it was more about sightseeing and eating than watching the games. I think the only games I had watched at that time was badminton men semifinals, which my uni's team were playing.

Hmm.. well, can't wait for next week which I will be travelling to Bath to meet Chuan Jiet, Vicky and Ken. It feels good to meet up with people back home when you have not many here in Exeter. Especially those who speak Chinese man... great feeling man.

Here are the sceneries that I had taken from my trip there.

All is well.

One day, all of a sudden, the idea of scribbling thoughts and emotions came to me. After all, my journey in the UK til now is fascinating and definitely an eye-opener. I can vividly remember the time during the release of A-levels results, it was quite disappointing for me. Despite the amount of studies and work I put in, I could not manage a chain of straight A's, heck, not even 3As which was UoE's minimum offer to me at that time. I ended up with 2As and 2Bs, with a score of 479 overall for Physics.. which I could not comprehend at all. Mr Lim's classic sayings came to me at the sight of the paper, 'Your A confirm already'. What a joke I thought.. how could it end this way.

I remember what I did at that time, I ran around asking where I could apply for a remark for my Physics. I didn't want to end up in Cardiff. (Am still glad I didn't). Panicking, I stumbled upon Jun Wei - my lifesaver for that day. He told me to check my email as some of the Universities already accepted their offer holders. I did, and I could hardly believe my eyes when I realized UoE sent me an email of congratulations. A burst of emotions ran through me, and the first thing I thought in my heart was 'Mom and Dad, I did it.'

I have a confession to make, which is I am the eldest child in my family, and probably due to the fact I am a July baby, I can be very emotional sometimes. Having 2 younger siblings, I can see a gleaming potential in both of them, which I hardly speak of it at home. (My family hardly praises anybody, criticizing each other seems more fun I guess). Among them, I discovered that I am the weakest in performance. Both of my siblings were top end students in their class respectively, but I was always the mid-end ones. They held positions and played great roles in their high school. Meanwhile, I was just a student, who can't be bothered by joining any clubs and societies in the beginning of my years in high school. This is something I have always regretted. To be able to come to UK to study, it was a great statement and turning point of my life.

So people often asked me, 'Why Exeter?'

Well, to be frank, it was high on the ranking list, and you can't DENY that. I have no idea why UoE hasn't been a well-known name in Malaysia. I didn't know the existence of this University as well actually, but apparently my flatmates from the UK told me that this University is highly regarded among students here. Before that, I had 2 choices, Durham or Exeter. I was so shallow at first that I just blankly based my decision on the rankings. 'So Durham is 5 places above Exeter in Psychology, I guess it's Durham then.' Then, factors came in, such as University style, Collegiate vs Campus; Location, South West vs North; Weather, Cold vs Very Cold, and distance between my friends and I, closest Universities, Bath or Newcastle. In the end, UoE was much appealing to me.

Also, there was another factor that influenced me, which was knowing anyone who was going to those Universities. One of my ex-classmates were supposed to go to UoE with me, but unfortunately, she didn't meet the requirement. It was a huge blow for me as well.. as I realized I would be going to the University ALONE, without knowing any Malaysians.

Fast forward.

I am already living here for more than 2 months and have settled well in the UK lifestyle and my course. After coming to UK, the first thing I realized was how small the value of Malaysia's money. 1:5. That's a crazy ratio. Whenever I think of this, it just makes me want to secure a job here rather than back in Malaysia, where the country is governed by  .

My flatmates helped me settle in wonderfully as well and I am grateful of that. Just in case you are wondering, I have 5 UK flatmates and 2 from Singapore. They are nice people, never party too hard, so everything is just fine.

The specialty of UoE is its hills. I don't give a fuck about what other people say about climbing hills in their University, JUST COME HERE AND TRY EVERYDAY, so maybe their words would make them look dumb. You have to climb 2 hills to reach the Lecture hall, and 3 hills to reach the Sports hall. The next friend who complains about their University is hilly can just eat themselves. Zz.

I found a nice life here, having joined the Exeter Esports and Badminton Club. Dota 2 has been my passion so it's great to find people that has a common gaming interest. We tried for a competition as well but unfortunately lost a game we should've won.  I am truly disappointed in the Malaysian society here, it's so inactive I have never heard a word from them a long time.  In my Psychology course , I always run as a solo player, having only around 5 friends or so there.

Overall, life here is not too bad. 

Flashback.

My job as a driver for 2 weeks was finally done. Mom has finally gotten back from the UK with loads of candies, chocolates and new clothes for the whole family. She definitely had a great time with the neighbors-going on an all-female trip. I am gonna confess that I don't have the utmost confidence in my driving, that's why these 2 weeks were testing my mental strength on the road. Haha. Well, it was good training anyways. 

For the last 2 weeks, my daily routine was mundane. I made a schedule for myself.. Waking up, Newspaper, Brunch, DotA, Read Book, Dinner, DotA, Workout.

Having a really tough time to get my body fit again after a long incubation period in my room for up to 1 month. Although my weight still remained consistently fine - I'm 62 kg, unfortunately my strength wasn't durable enough to make me through those pushups. Hopefully the workouts I am doing now can return me to my optimum self.

Something to be excited about is the arrival of TI4. It is officially known as one of the biggest competition in E-sports and is definitely a great relevation to the whole world. 

Most of the guys obviously know the term E-sports.. many parents and girls (not all) would summarize the term into 'play game' It is great to see that gaming industry is starting to grow and gain recognition all over the world. This TI4 has a prize pool with a grand total of 10M.. 10 Million. It is crazy man.. it might seemed easy to just sit in front of the computer and just.. play the game and win.. it is impossible. Teams who are in the TI4 are superior. Players of these games treat every match as their income as the theory is simple 'you lose you go home'. Sadly, TI4 goes on at midnight (Seattle Time) and I'm not literally an owl so.. I will just catch those morning matches.

This is it for now.

End or Beginning?

June 20th.. the day I had my last paper - Biology Unit 5; also the day I officially graduated from Help A-levels 13/14. It was a gruesome course throughout.. neverending tests, non-stop studying and revising every single day, just to remember every single word, formula orequation so that I would not fail my exams. Though it was unfortunate I had to retake a handful of papers, hoping that I can hit that overall A for all the four subjects.. nonetheless, I am just grateful that everything is over.

To sum it all, I had a great college life, with the combination of awesome and helpful friends, classmates and lecturers. Some of my classmates, I didn't think I would get along that well with them at first.. but it all turned out just fine. However, as I expected, unity as a class is near impossible and segregation of people based on language and topic still prevailed.

First and foremost, I would like to thank all my lecturers teachings and guidance for this 1.5 years. In my opinion, Mr Lim - my Physics lecturer, had given me the greatest motivation. In the beginning of A-levels, I didn't plan to do Physics at all and since Help did not allow simultaneously taking Biology and Economics, I was basically "forced" into the class.

Mr Lim had a very unique way of teaching.. and his broken English and weird phrasing of sentences made things easier to remember. He showed the power of reverse psychology but constantly using sarcasm towards our results.. sometimes it could be pretty harsh but as students we could understand what he was trying to do - He do not want us to regret in the future for not doing well. In his class, he calls me his Bio student.. and until now I still had no idea why am I the Bio student because clearly.. the time I did great for Bio was the very first test in class. -_- Occasionally, I would get the "bio student" words on the questions that I got 0 marks.. which was pretty funny and annoying at the same time.

Through this 1.5 years, I would say that my interest in Physics increased significantly.. but still not gonna take Engineering because my level of Mathematics will just rape me in Uni.

**

Another thing worth mentioning was my dearest SASA group. We had been through thick and thin together.. going to orphanages, taking over the SASA carnival, organizing the SASA dinner.. even went to Langkawi together. Honestly, I had always felt like the cancer in the group.. as my mindset was like the other members in the organization - sit back, relax and leave the job to the rest. However, the moment I saw the dedication of the members of the group.. I have a feeling of guilt and shame. If anyone of you ever sees this, I would like you to accept my sincere apologies.

**

1 month of exam was crazy enough. Most of my friends in high school asked me repeatedly that when was my exams going to end and all I could say was, not so soon. The fuck do Edexcel want? To cram all the Paper 5 sciences in 4 days, it just felt like a direct uppercut to the chin and a jab to the stomach. To make matters worse.. the first Unit 5 Chemistry paper was a appalling paper. It was doomed and I wondered if the examiner was drunk when he/she set the paper. In my whole life taking exams, I had never ever blanked so many questions.. even if I had no idea how to do, I would write something.. but this paper, I did not have a single idea how to even start answering. I had no idea how most of the students did but I know the chances of me screwing up its pretty high.

**

Anyways, Help Academy had given me memories I had never experienced before. Using phone while teacher was teaching. Playing basketball right after the college ended. Driving through the car park filled with holes. Taking the shuttle bus which looked like it could breakdown anytime. Shoe hiding. Workout in class. Broken 3 water bottles. Mamak life. Rushing to Kana class every time after lunch. Pray that teacher is in a good mood. Played badminton together. Library life. Hunting for empty classes.. and many much more.

In the beginning, coming to Help seemed like a mistake but now, I appreciate all the time I spent studying here.

To me the ending of A-levels opens up to me a closer door to my dreams.. provided if i get a good result lol.. -_-

No man..

The past week was hardly satisfying. In fact, its kind of disastrous.. Nothing went my way in fact. Well, life isn't full of strawberries anyways.

An update about myself just in case some of you are curious.

I'm doing my third sem of A-levels and currently marching towards yet another pit of endless examinations and also graduation. (Might be the only reason for staying alive in A-levels.)
After A-levels, I am pursuing psychology in UK.. and this is probably another reason to stay alive in A-levels.

In conclusion, don't take A-levels if you don't wanna go overseas. It's a waste of  time and money.

Back to the topic.
Last week, I hardly manage to win any DotA matches with my friends. I have a higher win rate when I play solo though. However, my W/L gap of 30 significantly dropped. It is really disappointing. Normally, we'd play in teams of 4 and this leaves a slot for the public players. And most of the time, we get shit from those players.

Next, I got rejected by my first-choice uni. University of Bath. Fucking Bath man.. Made me do the research and essay, and reject me at last. I was certain I did okay in the essay.. I am guessing that maybe the course itself drew a lot of applicants - Psychology with Professional Placement.

Actually, without Bath, all the other Unis actually offered me. So, automatically, my next choice in list comes to play. Durham.
I have no hate against Durham. However, it's not really what I was aiming for. It doesn't have work placement firstly.. and they also need IELTS.. which costs up to RM 600. Although to me its affordable, however I am reluctant to even pay half of those sum. According to my friends who have taken it, there's just 3 things to do there. Go and speak, Go and listen, Go and write. Come on la. The cost of printing the question papers is only a few bucks. How can the assessment go up to RM 600. Holishyt man.

Anyways, for going to Uk to study to come to realization, the result is the decision-maker.. not me.
The second sem result is coming out on 6th March.. only a few days from now.

Seriously, I don't mind getting average results, I just don't wanna retake. I'm sick of extra examinations.



One thing I am certain, the main block foyer is going to be flooded by tears of the students.

If I'm gonna cry that day, I hope its the tears of joy.

Alone, Desolate, Solitary

My family ended up going overseas, without me. Well, it's my choice anyways, I refused to go to a foreign country without following a tour. In my book, it's a waste of precious $ and also my guess now is, they are travelling like a headless chicken. :p

On the other hand, there are stuffs to be done, things to study, in a very limited time as the end of year draws close. To the Edexcel students from Help, this can only signify one thing, the A-level exam is right by the corner. Its two months from that big day to be exact and I can already feel the pressure from the lecturers threatening us to do well. (I'm serious) Everyday, I'm hearing the same shit from the lecturers..

I can even you give you some quotes here.

'You guys better do well. If you don't score paper 2,3,4 you're gonna be in big trouble.'
'We fully expect 120 from everyone of you, nothing less, it has been done before'
-Ms Jaslinder

'Paper 2,3,4 is the killer there. You score 120 for paper 2 the A is there. Cannot run one.'
'Most of you are the B to A there.. I can only see 1 or 2 A* students there'
-Mr Lim

'Sorry, I'm on medical leave, when can I set the replacement class?'
-Ms Geetha

'Why I teach finish then everyone absent from the class'
'If you come to every revision class, I confirm all of you pass'
-Mdm Lin

Last but not least..
'Jayden, hahaha, die la you'

Apart from Ms Geetha, 3 other teachers have placed a substantial amount of stress on us. Though, optimistically, its for own good.

So back to the weekends.

On the past Saturday, I went to my dad's shop to help out, as my cousin, who is working for my dad, was surprisingly on leave as well. So I had to follow my aunt there.

To be honest, working at your own dad's shop, to me, doesn't really give you much experience. I have had debates with my dad now and then about things that I can learn if  helped out in his shop. Contrary, I would never fail to refute back to him that how I think that my trips are not worthwhile. The debate isn't a kind one, as somehow on this matter, we just cannot agree with each other. Every time I speak to him regarding this, the tone of my voice become intense progressively, as blood keeps rushing to my brain.

Dad always label my thoughts as naive, and this is why I am pretty persistent to prove him wrong. Yes, he does have the upper hand to say that he had experienced a lot through the years, however, there's always the possibility that sometimes, people just don't agree on what the experience one has to say.

Every single time I talk to my dad, I have the urge and obligation to start thinking and shaping up my future. I am the eldest among the three, however, I'm the one out of the spotlight as my siblings are a striking contrast to me in terms of talent. My lacklustre and dilly dally outlook are constantly judged by my parents, since highschool. Up til college my outlook didn't change, however, little did they know that a part of me have matured mentally. I started to study, started to paying attention in class, started to do my own research. People take tuitions, I decide to grind my way out, even though my lecturer's teaching sometimes render me speechless and restless.

It all pay off in my first semester results, although not the best of scores, the full 5 As in my result slip is enough to put a smile on my dad and mom's face. My siblings could hardly believe my results. That was the first time I had seen my dad become so enthusiastic about my future, the first time I felt that my hard work and perseverance were approved by him. Immediately, that night, he started asking me which UK University I wanted to go, and told his friends that his son is going to UK.

This is the reason til today, have driven me on and on to get a good result and a fucking place in a UK University.
 I just want to prove to my dad that 'Hey, you have a son that fight and earn his place in the UK University.

However, to come to that level, its like reaching for the moon.
And if I can't take a rocket there,
 I'm fucking gonna walk through the ozone.

'It's been a journey, the NBA. It's taken me a lot farther than I ever expected.'

-Larry Bird