Choices

Do we really have choices in life?

In fact, "Life is just a matter of living until the day we fail to breathe." Brutal, but honest. 

I have accepted and adhere to this statement as far I could remember.

However, rather than dwelling on these thoughts, I have set myself a goal in life.

I just want to be HAPPY. Nothing more or less. I figured by doing the whatever I want then I can achieve this so called happiness. After letting this mindset sink in, I not only got a lot happier, I dare boldly say that I am stress-free. To be frank, that is what I tell employers during interview, no joke.

Again in my blog posts, I would like to emphasize everything written down are based on my own personal views (plus some minor research). I hope through my posts it will help some of you out there see things from a different perspective. In this post, we will be discussing a little on MILLENIAL WORKFORCE, ACHIEVERS and STRESS.

Working in the training industry is very interesting, as one fine day, I had an amazing opportunity to sit among the Leaders of the insurance agencies, in a talk about recruiting millennials to their workforce. The speaker that day was Benjamin Loh, a young and vibrant professional trainer and speaker from Singapore. I can clearly remember during his speech, I repeatedly nodded my head along all the points he has spoken. Specifically, he made very valid and significant points on the characteristics of workforce from different generations (Baby boomers -> Gen Y). This ranges from "I do what I have been told" baby boomers to "Why am I doing this, what is the reason behind it" Gen Y/Millennial. Funny, but as he said that, I realised that I always ask my supervisor the reason behind every single thing she has asked me to do. Like it or not, Benjamin said, companies have to adhere to culture which the millennials are radiating in the present. Basically, as "WORKFORCE 2020" is gradually approaching, Millennials (1980-1995) and Gen Z (1996-present) will make up for a total of 59% of the global workforce. So what do WE want? According to Park Communications Ltd., Millennials want four things, new opportunities, communications, recognition and work-life balance apart from money itself. Now, it can be unrealistic for traditional large corporate firms to achieve all this 4 criteria, especially in Malaysia. Honestly though, do they even need to retain their workforce? Recruiting is not the issue of multinational corporate firms, as I believe some (if not most) fresh graduates would literally do anything, from boosting their CV by joining literally every events in university or ride connections from anyone they can get to enter into these firms.

After successfully entering the corporate workforce, then they would think when to leave after getting the necessary experiences and certifications. I believe corporate firms are aware of this, and therefore, would treat workers as expendables. If you do not like to work, somebody else will work for us. So bye. Of course, joining a corporate firm has its own perks, such as large exposures to different projects, budget for employee personal training and development, sponsorship for exams w/ or w/ bonding the employee. However, working for such a large corporate with a household name also meant that the individual would have to adapt to the company structure, stick by the long working hours (which can include no overtime pay), office politics (stepping on each other to gain promotion) and etc.

Therefore, it is not hard to see that millennials would start to slowly move in to greener pastures, which is what what we call, entrepreneurship. (Or what I'd like to call, Be my own boss.) 

The power of internet and social medias provide vast opportunities for people for any range group to venture into their own business. Over the years, many of us can see the rise of start-ups which in the end transformed into market disruptors in their respective industries. (To name a two famous examples, Grabcar & Uber - Taxi industry; AirBNB - Hotel industry.) Moreover, with the abundance of internet celebrities slowly come into existence, this meant that self-branding and marketing has become seemingly potent in entrepreneurship. The appeal of good features coupled with  well-built physique cannot be underestimated in the role of fetching various advertisements or modelling opportunities.

So, what's up with ACHIEVERS and STRESS?
According to Venho (April 11, 2016), "Some high achievers are always in pursuit of perfection." It does seem like these high-caliber individuals have the tendency to not reduce stress, but garner all these stress factors and transform them into working drive. Again, mentally I have no doubt these people are strong enough to handle it, but physically and psychologically, is that true? The body produces a special hormone called cortisol which will react vigorously to stress. When an individual overexert him or herself, for example, burning the midnight oil, this will lead to an elevation of cortisol (Leproult, 1997). The result of this cortisol serves as a energy booster as a function to maintain the awareness of the mind and body. Moreover, this elevation was also found to be able to affect the quality of sleep, forming what seems to be a positive feedback loop.

Somehow, we seemed to let our minds run faster than the body. "Stress can be adapted, sleep can be adapted, it is just a matter of time and practice", I have received this from many out there. Indeed the mind is very flexible, adaptable and have the definite potential of spewing wild fire all over imaginary visualizations. The body, in contrary, has some sort of a limit to it and an alarm system. Of course, many times we have to sacrifice our time and health (mostly young guns out there) in order to make ends meet or raise our own capital.. but what if the money we are desperately trying to generate will end up as hefty payments for our health in the future? What are we actually working so hard for then?

In the end, there is no wrong and right to everything. Maybe, the yearn for work-life balance from the millennials is an alarm about the importance of managing stress and health? Or will employers see it as a form of laziness or irresponsibility? How long can night producers continue to defy the basics of the human circadian rhythm and  acquiring rest? Are we consistently letting our mind run faster than the body?

I have only just started crawling in this world called society but I am crawling slowly and consistently. Will it be better to repeatedly run fast and fall?

Lastly, to all readers out there (if any), your decision now in life, is it worth it?


Jayden


http://www.parkcom.co.uk/millennials-rule-workforce-2020/
http://www.moodmetric.com/how-can-moodmetric-help-an-ambitious-achiever/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9415946

Revival + My ACL-Meniscus story

My incompetency to create consistent blog posts have been nothing short of disappointing. There were times which I had a strong urge to update my thoughts and feelings but somehow the ideas have dropped gradually. Looking back to what I have previously written, it has been a little more than 2 years that I actually left a mark here. However, in the year of 2018 I have decided to set myself a rule, which is to do a monthly update of my blog. This can include topics which can be very controversial as it will be from my point of view. I do understand my non-filter approach will shade a negative light on myself but I hope to help people see things from a different approach.

In this blogpost, let's take a stroll down my memory lane, back to the beginnings of my 3rd university year in September 2017. I could still distinctly remember that one rainy evening, when I was still sitting in my room contemplating on whether I should go to the basketball tryouts. Little did I know, this decision of mine would change every plan I have in my last year at university. I have been suffering from knee locking a few years ago prior to this, resulting from minor tears of the the meniscus and ACL in my knee. However, I used to able to unlock my knee successfully every time it happened. That particular evening, I heard a snap in my knee after landing from what seemed like a normal rebound. Immediately I knew I was in a disaster. I could not even straighten my knee, there was no way I could even move my leg. Ladies and gentlemen, this happened at the time before the university classes even begun.

This event left a bad taste in my mouth. For the three months in university, I had to maneuver around the hilly campus using a pair of crutches. The constant snapping in my knee due to every movement of my dangling leg left me with a hellish experience even during sleep. When the pain felt slightly better, I could start limping my way, knees locked, to classes and even my mentoring job. Now, you probably would have asked me, did you not go for surgery immediately? The answer is, I was on the waiting list of surgery, which could only take place in the following January (2017). Moreover, I fully understood the consequences of an ACL-Meniscus surgery, there was no way I could support myself immediately after the surgery. I needed assistance.

December 2016, my last Christmas in the UK, I flew back to Malaysia to receive surgery for my knee. 2 days after my arrival, I had my first ever surgery (as far as I can recall). On the surgery day, I found myself lying on the hospital bed, getting pushed in to the surgery room, challenging to stay awake after an anesthesia jab and failed miserably.

I literally counted myself to sleep.. 1,2,3..

The moment I opened my eyes, I was already in the midst of getting transfered to the hospital ward. Still shivering from the effects of the anesthesia, I caught a glimpse of my family members and the doctor standing by the corridor. I mustered some strength to ask the doctor, "did everything go well?" Before I could really get an answer, I fell back into sleep. When I was completely awake, I realised ironically, my knee was on full stretch and I could barely bend it. My leg was in pain and it was even worse than before, I could barely move it. For the second time since my fall, I felt a sense of helplessness. I feared for the worst, my leg would not be the same as before.

On the 3rd day of my hospitalisation, I had to LEARN to walk again. That morning, doctor stopped by my bedside and gave me a pair of 4-legged crutches. He told me with a stern look, "you have to learn how to walk normally". I dragged my body down the bed and immediately got to work. It has been 3 days since I have not felt the ground and as soon as my feet touch the floor, a jolt of pain ran through my leg. My left leg literally could not support my body and I could feel the other half was overworking to compensate. It took me almost 5 minutes just for me to get off my bed and reach the door of my ward. I was very much in distraught. Learning to walk again was tough, not just physically but also psychologically. It took me 15 minutes to support myself through a journey of 100 metres outside my ward and I could only curse at myself as nurses, visitors and other patients walked past me, staring. I have never been so helpless. As someone who boasts his speed in sports, my ego was completely crushed. This LEARNING went on til the 4th day, when I was given a 2 legged crutches, which I struggled more due to the weakened support and greater reliance of both my legs.

And it was on the very 4th day, I did not only curse to myself, I cursed to the sky and asked why before getting discharged on the very 5th day.

What came in the post-surgery phase required even more grit. Now, let me demonstrate how stiff and straightened my leg was. In my first session of my rehab, I could only do half-cycles on the cycling machine for the whole week. For me, cycling barely took any effort in the past. Now, I had to focus and put all my attention to it. To enhance my progress, I had an 8 sessions of intensive rehab lined up in 2 weeks right before I flew back to UK. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is definitely not enough of training to an ACL-ruptured leg back into strength. Due to my inability to walk, this brought me into a brand new experience in the airport. For the first time, I got to sat in the wheelchair and pushed all the way to the departure gate. This is also the first time, I got a taste (albeit just a little) of what being disabled felt. I grasped my crutches and my bag close to me as I was wheeled around in the airport. I had this unpleasant feeling whereby all eyes were set straight on me.

PEOPLE ARE BORN TO JUDGE. THERE IS NO WAY THAT AS HUMAN WE DO NOT JUDGE AT ALL. BEING judgemental, HOWEVER, IS A DIFFERENT STORY.

I shall end my story here. All in all, I am grateful that I have managed to recover well and am able to walk and play sports normally again. Despite that, I am slightly disappointed that I can no longer translate my competitive spirit on playing sports again. The fact that my leg has been under the knife meant that it would not be the same again, performance-wise and durability-wise.

That will be all from this post. I have lots more to share on my recovery but feel free to message me or just bringing this topic up the next time we meet.


Signing off,

Jayden

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

Psycho

So.. I have been interning for 6 weeks now and all I can say that what a tiring life. Looking at my fellow consultants in the company constantly making phone calls, coming in and leaving the office at unequal times, it feels like being a consultant is not as relaxing as I thought. To be honest, I reckon that I am capable of taking up a role of a consultant in the near future, however, I doubt that I would want to sacrifice so much of my time dealing with such straining and hectic matters. Oh well.. maybe it's just due to the current company's clients being so slow-paced and shitty, the consultants have to be extra persuasive to obtain data from their HR group. Government agencies.. tsk.

I can only say this for now, "Intern life is fun, but working life is tough", and this all starts with the sleep schedule. I value my sleep a lot, and require the optimum 8 hours of sleep to be at my best. Currently, I can't say that I have that amount of luxury to sleep that long.. hmm.. I think I am averaging about 6 hours right now? Obviously, the easiest solution to this is to sleep early.. but well, at this age, throwing myself at the bed any time before 12 seems like an impossible task.

There're just so many things I want to enjoy this summer, but I just do not have sufficient time for everything. However, up til now, I have gotta admit that this summer break has been very worthwhile in comparison to my last one. The year before, I literally did nothing basically, spending most of the time at home folding clothes, playing games.. it was totally a waste of youth.

**

So coming back to my further plans in the UK.. I guess it's about time to start traveling around heavily. Not sure whether that I would able to find people to do that together though.., and I am likely to be too timid to go bag packing alone. Why? My ridiculously poor sense of direction is the main reason. Parahippocampal area, an area in the brain containing neurons for spatial location. The size of that region and its amount of cerebral fluid  determines an individual's spatial memory capability. My mom also has a very bad sense of directions and I might have prolly inherited this. So, what does it feel like to be someone who has a very bad sense of direction? Just imagine yourself driving, you would read the landmarks, look at the road signs, and be very aware of the surroundings right? For me, all I see is a straight road with nothing around. Unless I have driven the same path repetitively, the effort to recall and backtrack the roads I have taken will be futile.

That's how bad it is.

**

Hmm.. updating my blog in the office is kinda fun. My work-life balance is kind of screwed up right now. One day, I would have an extreme amount of work and on the other, I would have no work at all. Well, having to work is better than not working, at least I wouldn't doze off in the office... which I reckon my colleagues have seen me done it a few times already.

Sorry not sorry though. xd

Jayden

Death by Motivation

Motivation is something which people often talk about. Why? It is a word that carries such strength and importance which somehow gets integrated into our life so seamlessly. I still remember when I was back in U.K., I came across an article about a suicide incident on Facebook which happened in Malaysia. Overwhelmed with curiosity, I clicked into the link and read through the whole article. Shockingly, the victim of the suicide had cited the lack of motivation and meaning of life as the reason of his suicide. This makes me rethink the word "motivation", why is it so powerful, and how impactful can it really be?

I am not a firm believer of the word 'Motivation'. I often laugh at the thought of people attending motivational talks or courses (intrinsically) and how they would spend outrageous sum of money on them. Being someone who is hard-nosed and straightforward, to me, motivation should not exist in any context so much so that it determines the capability of an individual doing something or completing a task. My motto in life, is to finish the things that I should finish, and to finish the thing I have planned in a certain time frame. I never let procrastination get in my way, and I play my cards in a really safe manner.. which is to work first, and enjoy later.

So.. what has propelled or rather, urged me to say my two cents about motivation? This is why. Recently, most of my friends are having exams and yeah as usual, motivational posts start to flood through my Facebook feed. So, the annoying part is that, there are always the same few friends (whom I actually know), repeatedly sharing all these motivation posts.. I mean la why la bro/sis.. are you that desperate for motivation or are you just seeking for likes? Instead of looking and sharing these stuffs, why not just spend some time and try to focus? If you can't focus, just watch some youtube, get your mind cleared off for a moment and resume studying.

GUILT. EXCUSES.

I don't know really. I just think the word 'motivation' only appears to be a positive word. Why? It's because most of the time, there is a reason behind the usage of the word - potentially a negative one. One of the most common (and overused) motivational phrase I reckon is - "Turn failure into motivation". In appearance it is a rather comforting and convincing word to use. Psychologically, I would tell you, if you believe that, you are falling into the trap of optimism bias.

Realistically, you've just failed. Does that mean you didn't have motivation during your first try? No. What makes you think that the motivation after your first failure is able to propel you to success?

So, if  somebody has failed, instead of going 'Learn from your mistakes', I will just pull a straight face and say "You've failed. And if you don't pass the next time, you will fail again."

Harsh, but that's the truth. And if I am your friend, I won't be sugarcoating my words. Because deep in my heart, all I wish for you is to be successful, and also a little bit stronger mentally.


Jayden

语录

堆垒在这蓝天的话语，
脆弱地，
不堪地，
崩落消失；
残留下来的，
一小戳后悔，
今日也是，
什么都，
一成不变。

END

So, the end of the 2nd year of my Psychology degree is nearing. In exactly two weeks time, I will be in my motherland embracing the company of my friends and family members. Time sure passes fast, the start of my 2nd year felt like yesterday. Amazingly, now I think about it, I have done so much this past year, from traveling, studying, meeting people and some self-development. In comparison to some of my friends and peers from the same age, I might not have the flashiest university life in the UK but it is definitely satisfying for me and I have to say I enjoyed it very much.

Nearing the end of this year, I feel that I have grown a bit myself, mentally. I have become more outspoken and have less fear in engaging with conversations. In the Portugal trip itself, I did muster the courage a few times, chatting with cashiers and waiters about the legends of their culture (such as the Rooster of Barcelos) and also the must-try delicacies around Portugal. To be honest, I went to the trip with a group of friends who are not as initiative as me, and I thought this would be a great opportunity to just step up my game.

Still, throughout my academic year, I continue to attend classes alone most of the time and hastily return to my flat right after them. Only occasionally, there are some friends who  sit with me in lectures. With roughly 6 classes spread throughout the week in each term, it makes no sense for me to hang around the campus right after classes as I live in the university accommodation. 5 minutes walk is all it takes for me to arrive at my class. As a result, I do not really have many friends from my course unfortunately. As a trade-off, I made some good friends in the flat which have transformed my daily living here a comedy.

On the other hand, with the help of some friends and also plenty of time commitment, I barely managed to escape the 3k bracket in DotA and am now a 4k player. This also marks the end of my commitment into the game and am finally taking a break from this game until I am back in Malaysia. Among this group of friends, I am (admittedly) the weakest link and also not the most technically skilled player. However, one of my friends is so toxic it ruins the fun of the game for the whole team. Even us (the rest of the friends) would sometimes have to mute him because of the flaming and babyrages. It did remind myself of the past where I was also a toxic player, but hell I do not think that I am as bad as this, hopefully. Well, I guess time made me less of a tryhard now and just play for the sake of having fun with the group.

Finally, I also managed to find an internship. An actual internship in the field which I might plan to pursue in the future. Although, it might have a low pay, it is still a good way to spend my summer gaining valuable experience and learning process from this internship. Ahh.. can't wait.. finally some good news man. I think Psychology students really have it hard in looking for an internship in well-known companies in the country, especially a business-specialized one. I really hate the stereotype of 'Psychology' in Malaysia, as people often think that it has something to do with mental health and crazy people. I am planning to do my Masters in Industrial/Organisational Psychology in the future and it doesn't involve treating mental health patients, nor researching brains and mind-reading. The role of an I/O Psychologists is to help the growth of a company by motivation of the workforce.. and this is why corporate experience is of paramount importance to me this coming summer.

I am really grateful that I am able to get this internship and finally have something promising to do in this coming 3 months. That being said, I am only back for a relatively short time as compared to my friends studying overseas, but I hope I can get the most out of it.. including meeting friends who I have not met for a long time, and also spending quality time with my family members and relatives.

To those taking exams, good luck and just try your best. The most important tests always exist outside of the academic bubble.

Why live a stressed out life when you only live once? Just enjoy what you do and have no regrets.


Jayden

Crey.

So if anyone doesn't know, I've always had this little shoujo 少女 living in part of my persona. I love to read mangas and have read a fair share of shoujo mangas in the past few years. Well, it's good to have a bit of fantasy and romance sometimes you know.

Man.. so I have this habit of not being able to stop after I have started on a new manga series and always ended up reading them up till very late at night. This is something I would have to stop as the examinations are coming up.. and I guess I will, starting today.

So there is this one manga author and artist called Seo Kouji, who I think is a master in portraying and developing a romantic plot infused with multiple plot twists and such. The great thing about 3 of his works that I have read, Suzuka, Kimi no Iru Machi and Fuuka, are that their plot takes place mainly in high school up til college/university, which I can deeply relate to. Well, ecchi in the manga is also one of his specialty I guess, with occasional fan services (guys would enjoy this) intertwined between the chapters.

So yeah, one typical genre of romance in manga is to feature a guy as the main character and surround him with girls who fancy him. And things always happen with those girls, sometimes a love triangle, sometimes some tragic incidents. After reading this genre for so long, I assumed that I am quite immune to those incoming plot twists.

But no,

Last night, I was binge reading Fuuka, trying to catch up to the latest chapter.. and I think a part of me regretted the decision. Fuuka was an amazing girl in the manga, always high spirits and cheerful and obviously, she and the main character fell in love with each other. It was in the mid chapters which their relationship really started to bloom and I was expecting some sweet moments following in the future. But no, something tragic happened and my heart immediately shattered. I wasn't ready for that shock, but still, I persisted on reading the following chapters, about 40 chapters more I think. There were several moments in the manga really made my tears flow, literally.. the feeling was indescribable.

I thought about the times which I had cried due to a manga or anime,
I did it on Anohana, Barakoman, Sket-dance and now Fuuka. I don't even know man, especially in Anohana, my tears were pouring from episode 1 right till 12 (the end). The effect of tv dramas and movies are not as intense compared to what mangas are able to provide me.

Mangas are stationary boxes of drawings that somehow plays in your mind like a movie. Room of imagination is just what you need to make everything come alive.

But still maaan, Fuuka.. why do you do this to my fragile heart. Now I am really longing for the progress of the storyline.


Signing off with a heartache,


Jayden

One night.

Tonight, being in solitude, I am just going to tell a tale.

The tale goes like this,

Being an international student and all is amazing; embracing the different cultures and opportunities is amazing.

But occasionally, when the right song strikes the right mood, it makes you hope that you're back home again,

Back at a place where your friends are at. No, not just normal friends, but friends that you have shared fond memories in the past, friends who would just sit there for hours, listen to you blabbering about the mundane routines of the life that you're having.

When I am tired of work and all the distractions happening around me, I tend to lay on my bed and just stare blankly at the ceiling. Alternatively, I would just stand by my room's window and stare at the beautiful scenery which Exeter is able to offer me outside.

Life is a game, I've never changed that perspective since I had it 2 years back. The controller is our mind and how we play it determines our outcome. But life is a funny game, you can be victorious in every stages of life but in the end we all come down to this final ending - game over.

As simple as that.

I have just returned from my one and only trip.. but I don't feel thoroughly satisfied. It is not because the trip wasn't fun, but I need a trip which I can just let myself go. A trip which I can think nothing but just relaxation. The recent trip, I got really boiled sometimes, because of indecisiveness, minor arguments and the lack of tolerance. They were all small matters but being a guy who cares about everyone's decisions, the frustration in me built up. But as usual, I tried my best to keep the smile on.

It is an image that I have built for myself, a clown mask that I normally put on. I want to bring happiness in people's life, no matter momentarily or permanently. It is my life ambition, no joke. Seeing somebody smile or laugh because of what I say or do brings satisfaction to me.

But sometimes, the cost of satisfaction can be painful. It carves an image of playfulness and immaturity that gets labelled on my back. Over time, these attributes are molded into me and it would end up as how people  judge me as an individual.

Although that, this mask is a mask that I need to keep for life. Only in front of someone who I trust, only can I shed it off. The face behind the mask, the real face, can be scary for some.. and I do not want to drive people away from me. The urges, the no-nos, the instincts, are all being suppressed by this mere cover of me.

Ahh, loneliness is such a funny thing.. it makes you think so much, hence, this blog post. Weirdly, the feeling can come during times which you are not lonely at all. How to get rid of this feeling, I have no idea.

What is this source of loneliness?.. The answer to this is what I yearn for.

What is source of MY loneliness?.. Is it the urge to see some familiar faces again? Or is it the pain of waiting for the texts of that favourite someone?

I don't know.

The only thing I need right now,

Is probably a hug,

And someone to tell me,

'Stay strong. I am here for you.'


Jayden.

Halfway through an eventful month.

Well, first of all, I have changed my layout so hope you guys like it. Took me some time of editing but it's definitely awesome to bring some freshness to the blog.

**

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! It's my 2nd year away celebrating Chinese New Year away from home, and thus far (Chinese New Year lasts for 15 days), all is going great. I received my exam results on the first day of Chinese New Year and I have to say, I am quite satisfied with it. Now, it gives me an idea of the criteria which essay-examinations are looking for. However, that being said, it seems that none of my examinations this semester are in essay format. It feels like the module conveyors are psychologically messing with their students' mind. Ha ha ha. But well, it is what it is, uni life is not easy.

Anyways, on that day itself, my flatmates and I also attempted to make a hotpot dinner (steamboat in Malaysian terms) and I guess it went okay. I am really happy that we managed to go on with that idea as I used to have it back home every Chinese New Year and also during my first year in Exeter (w/ Malaysian friends). As you can see, we didn't have the proper equipment and just have to make do with what we have.

Just 4 Asians 

**

Last Friday to Sunday, I went on a journey to Southampton for 2 reasons, to watch their university's Malaysian Night performance and also to visit my friends. To go back and return from Southampton, I spent about 10 hours on the bus and to most people who I've told about this, it was kind of grueling to them. To me however, spending time in transportation is part of the travel package and in the end, I just hope that I will be able to say "This journey is worth it".

And it definitely is. Southampton Malaysian Society put up a great performance. It was my first Malaysian Night and I must say, it was an amazing eye-opener and I can hardly wait to attend my next Malaysian Night from another university. Southampton Malaysian Society's brilliant choice of theme - 'Back to School' has no doubt the ability to touch and connect the memories of spectators who have previously studied in government schools back in Malaysia. Gotta say, at one point of the show, I really hoped I could go back to my high school life. There might be more subjects to study during that high school life, but we were always surrounded by friends and classmates, studying felt less stressful and more enjoyable as a growing process, whereby everybody was learning together and competing with each other.

Booklet from the show

Well, as Vicky and friends have to prepare for the Southampton Mnight, I didn't have any companions to travel the city of Southampton with. Therefore, the following photos were from the solo journey and I had embarked on during the second day of my trip.

Southampton Solent University

St. Mary Stadium from far

St. Mary Stadium - Southampton's home turf

Bay view from Mayflower park

As you can see, puddles everywhere

West Quay Shopping Mall

Southampton has a really big city and bus rides automatically become a paramount transportation there. Moreover, the availability of a shopping mall have left me in awe (There isn't any shopping mall in Exeter). Ironically, compared to this, the size and amount of shopping malls Malaysia has is just ridiculous. LMAO. However, the fact that there is this presence of a huge distance between the university and town means that students would not opt to go to the town center often anyways, I reckon.

The weather in Southampton wasn't kind to me at all. As I was exploring the city of Southampton, the drizzle followed my footsteps and had shown no sign of stopping at all. It was alike my trip to Cardiff last year, the rain did little to provide me with a positive impression about both cities.

I am totally in favour of Exeter which honestly speaking, probably has one of the best weather in the United Kingdom (Cognitive bias). Well, sunshine and warmth never fail to keep cheerful all day baby.

Anyways here's my thanks to you two, Vicky and Yee Ling for letting me stay over. 

Thanks for having me!!

**

Anyways, that's about it this time. I promise there will be more stuffs to talk about in the following weeks. Stay tune if you're interested! :)

Bye,

Jayden

A fresh start.

First of all, Happy New Year everyone who is reading this. I believe every year is a brand new chapter of life and we all get a chance for a fresh start. Hopefully 2016 will be an amazing and wonderful year for everyone.


**
There were many events on-going for me last month, with the Austria-Switzerland trip being the most significant one of all. The reason I was able to travel anyways, was thanks to Vicky's invitation. So thanks a lot Vicky!! (If you ever see this). Initially, I had mixed feelings about going abroad for 10 days (Yes.. the trip lasted for 10 days), as firstly, University of Exeter's exam week starts on the 4th of January and the trip was from the 20th of December to the 30th; and secondly, it was projected to be really expensive. Well, as chances like this are not easy to come by, I went full yolo and joined the trip anyway. From when the Christmas holidays started to the day I left Exeter for my trip (12th - 19th), I went into overdrive and copied as much research and short notes as possible so that I could bring it to the trip. :v Those scrappy notes were my gambling token towards, hopefully, average results in the January examination.


Man, reminiscing those past 10 days of the trip, I had no regrets at all. In that short period of time, I made great friends, watched some breathtaking sceneries, ate some amazing food and most importantly, had a whole lot of fun!  From things like dragging luggage everywhere, chasing trains and travelling in public transportation for long hours, it was definitely a draining, tiring trip. I can still remember how I would ask the girls the time we should wake up everyday and hoping that it would be late in the morning.. well, it wasn't the case most of the time.

I packed ridiculously light for the trip - a gym bag with a bag pack. I was quite amazed at myself as my travel partners are, to be honest. Well, I think I did well with what I got anyway, not the best cleanliness but hey, I have the habit of showering twice a day and even did that on the trip so I figure it was okay. In the end, I made the right choice of travelling light, as I am able to provide some helping hands with the task of dragging the luggage. 

My trip started off in Austria for 4 days and ended after 6 days in Switzerland. In Austria, we visited Salzburg, Hallstat and Innsbruck and in Switzerland, Zurich, Langwies, Arosa, Lucerne, Interlaken, Spiez, Bern, Zermatt, Wengen and Basel. Lol... now that I have listed it out, only have I realised the big difference. XD

Just to clarify, if you are wondering..

No, it did not snow.
No, we did not ski.

And if I am to say something about the countries.
They are both absolutely beautiful countries with a rather cool but not freezing climate.
I think if there is an opportunity, everyone should visit there at least once, especially travelers who enjoy sightseeing.
The downside to traveling to these countries though, is probably the price and expenses required. Food is really expensive there, especially in Switzerland like wtf. The price of a McD meal is like a daylight robbery.

Here are some highlight photos, one for each city:

View of Salzburg from Mt.Untersburg

Hallstat - you need a ferry/speedboat ride to reach here

Innsbruck from the top of Hafelekarspitze

Zurich's Old Town

Scenery of Langwies ft. Shirley

Natural Ice Skating rink!! at Arosa

Lucerne!!

Trying to discover the meaning of life at Interlaken

A short stop at Spiez. Nothing much but pretty nonetheless.

Bern is one of the busier cities I have visited in Switzerland

Toblerone's signature mountain - The Matterhorn @ Zermatt

Wengen.. last day.

The border of 3 countries - France, Germany, Switzerland @ Basel

Bonus photos:

Shameless vertical leap at the top Hafelekarspitze

Probably the reason I was invited to this trip anyways. To be a coat hanger.

Photo credits to Yee Ling and Shirley.

**

I took the 1st bus in the morning back to Exeter and arrived there in the afternoon on the 31st of December. The rest of the days were just me trying to derive all the possible questions that they could've asked for exams and trying to compose my own ultimate essays that would fit in all sorts of scenario.

Well, the concept of having open-ended questions which require students to include contemporary studies that have to be obtained through independent reading.. it is kind of insane. 'What if the studies I find do not fit the question?' - was one thing that worried me a lot. There were only 4 questions which appeared in each of my exams.. and those 4 questions was based of 6 topics which branches out to 18 subtopics probably? To have independent readings of researches regarding each of the subtopics and to remember the details and including them in an 1-hour exam? Daunting.

Oh well, thank goodness that have passed by, hopefully I did not do too bad.


**
Well, new year, new memories, new experiences.
My dreams though, will always remain the same.

希望带给父母和黄家骄傲与荣耀。
希望自己能带给身边的朋友们快乐。

**

最后，
感谢身边的亲戚朋友们，
2015已回不来，
能从中带走的
也只有你们留给我的
美好的回忆。

Managing time... or being managed by it?

Looking back at my last post, September 11th and the date today November 22nd.. it has been 2 months which I have not written anything on this blog. That is no surprise though, as much as I love expressing myself and sharing my experiences and thoughts about life, the struggle to find time to do everything I fancy has prompted me to prioritize certain activities above others. After submitting my final essay of the semester (3rd essay of the semester) last Monday, I  am able to have some much needed break from the courseworks finally. The 3 essays were assigned in a way that students have to somehow race against time, the first due in October, and the next 2 due on the SAME DAY in November. The writing itself can probably be done in 2-3 days to be fair, but the amount of research we are expected to put in takes weeks and weeks of time. Anyways, it does not even matter anymore.

**

Despite the hectic past 2 months, I enjoyed myself throughout this process. The opportunity to join the Residence Life Team last year and work for them this year has given me working experiences different from the norm job. Moreover, joining the university's intramural basketball team with my Malaysian peers also helped in keeping my health, fitness and competitive spirit intact. Apart from these activities, my gaming friends from last year in Exeter also invited me to a few DotA2 matches here and there, and by playing those games, the night passes by pretty quick. One thing I have not been able to commit time on is my Nintendo 3ds and the new game I purchased called Bravely Default. That is one hard game to play and requires a lot of strategy and planning and I just do not have the time for that unfortunately.

**

2nd year stress is real. As essays and exams start to play a vital role in the students' overall degree, the need to perform exceptionally in those aspects is there. Not only that, it is also the time of the degree year where students' have to compete for roles in companies for the summer internship.Being at this stage brings in a lot worry and suspense. Applying to large companies in U.K is such a big challenge.. looking at the amount of international students and local students here, the competition is ridiculously fierce and a chance for me to work for them is like a flash in the pan. Gradually,  sleep has become my best friend since the start of the 2nd year.. the only time which I can distance myself from all these thoughts. Nevertheless, never try never know.. who'd thought I would end up in the U.K and doing a psychology degree anyways?

**

The urge to spend is real here in the U.K., partly because you are able to discover things and events that are either never going to be available or are ridiculously expensive in Malaysia. First thing that comes to mind is that, I am finally going to be able to travel around Europe! (thanks to Vicky for the invitation.) In December, I will be going to Switzerland and Austria for 10 days, and fingers crossed, I have enough time to study when I get back to the U.K. as exam's right around the corner. :x Also, I bought tickets for Dream Theater's concert in February next year at the Palladium, London, which is also something I can hardly wait for! Still.. I have the urge to spend on a winter coat and a pair of headphones.. damn.

But one thing is rather comforting is that, I am earning some discount from living in the university accommodation as a result of working for the university.. so technically, I am spending those money on my living expenses and things I wanna buy. Fair enough?

**

Oh well.. that's all for this post.

Signing off,

Jayden

The tale of different perspectives

Before I proceed to the main topic of this post, I would like to do a short recap of the events I have been through the past 2 months. Despite failing to obtain an internship..(which I kind of expected really..), it was a satisfying summer break for me as I did nearly everything I couldn't really do during the university term. From completing games, reading comics, watching anime, learning guitar songs, playing basketball.. I couldn't think of a better way for me to thoroughly enjoy and at the same time exhaust myself through this break. Although I am still rather salty for not landing myself an internship.. but hey, look at the bright side, I earned myself more time to spend with my family and friends.

Now, it has been a week since I arrived in Exeter.. and I am starting to love this place all over again. The weather, the scenery and the hills.. they bring back many memories from my first year. Almost this time last year when I first arrived in my university, I was suffering from culture shock, language barrier, accents from my local flatmates from different parts of the UK and also the lack of Malaysian companionship.. I spent most of the time trying to settle in than to enjoy the peaceful environment that my university has. Luckily, everything went great gradually and I managed to get through my first year without many problems at all.

It still feels like a dream to study here.

**

Back to the topic.

During the last two months of my summer break, I found conversations with my friends and families increasingly interesting. It's probably not what they say though, but what can I gain from what they say. I believe most people know about the importance of eye contact and body language in a conversation.. fair enough.. but I find that these are little things that people in general tend to neglect while having a casual talk.. unless in a formal surrounding. It is quite easy to see whether somebody remains focused in a conversation or not.. just by looking at their gestures and listening to what they say. Well, this is what I find anyways.. most of people I talked to, depending on the subject, will either keep eye contact throughout the conversation or constantly diverting their attention away for a few millisecond. For me, it is a sign of a great conversation. Those who are not really interested would just refuse to keep eye contact at all throughout that subject.. signalling that they are just responding out of polite and do not expect to continue on the conversation. 

This is my deduction anyways.

**

Also what I find was that some people I have met tend to only think in one direction. For example, some typical motivators might say, "you are able to succeed in something if you work hard.. like <inserts famous names>." I find it ridiculous, how about those that work hard and fail.. obviously no one is going to remember their names and I would bet with those 'motivators' the list of failures are going to be longer than those that succeeded. 

Moreover, things like "you should do this way, it is the correct way and nothing will go wrong." is also a prime example of one-directional thinking. It reminds me about the "functional fixedness" theory which I learnt in a psychology lecture - a cognitive bias that limits a person to using an object only in the way it is traditionally used. Yes, nothing will go wrong but to be fair, the other way might work as well but because of the sentence "nothing will go wrong", we tend to shun away from experimenting various options.

Obviously, this relies heavily on the situation.. if it is something major or important, we would definitely, if not, automatically choose the safe path and eliminate any forms of risk. However, casual stuffs like strategy games, cooking, even simple stuffs like how to tie a tie.. there are so many different ways to go about it.

What I am trying to say here is, do not stop, mock, jeer at someone for having a different way of tackling a same problem in comparison. It's that easy.

**

I believe we were all born with an ego.. no matter egoism or egotism. A simple simple experiment is by randomly picking up your old class photograph. If my deduction isn't wrong, the first person you are  looking in the photograph is probably none other than yourself. Yes, I believe this indicates how self-centered we are.. not in a bad way, but it shows how we care about ourselves more than anybody else. Because people want to look good in a photo, thus, they will check ourselves first before caring about how anybody else looks.

The strength of the ego is probably why various people have various difficulty levels in accepting advice from others. Self-bias thoughts and cognitive dissonance cause us to think that what we ought to do is always better than what other people suggest. However, that is just 'what we think'. A successful person, in my book, has to be able to absorb numerous advice while suppressing his/her inner thoughts and at the same time holding the urge to refute any statements.

And that is what I am striving to achieve.

**

Oh well, few more days to freshers and meeting my new flatmates.

Hopefully it will be a smooth-sailing and successful 2nd year for me, fingers crossed.

Bye,

Jayden

Fools.

My beloved country has finally done it, becoming the brightest spotlight internationally for all the wrong reasons. From the scandalous 1MDB to the rediscovery of the missing aeroplane MH 370, these are not news that make us, the Malaysian citizens proud at all. Moreover, the way the government have handled these issues thus far, are not very convincing.

Questions have been continuously hurled towards our "much-respected" Prime Minister but his answers, responses and even actions towards them are ridiculous. It is a great chance for him to prove that he is a great leader but he has blown it completely. His weak responses have been thoroughly exploited by the opposition parties and foreign media, which somehow is able to give a clearer view about the process and details of the whole 1MDB issue.

Obviously, we as the citizen were told that foreign media reports are 'fake, mere speculation, lack evidence etc..' However, just by saying that, the government are not doing themselves favour at all as this means that something is happening, and there is much more unknown information yet to be found. 

Seriously, the situation of this issue is disastrous and will continue to be a downward spiral until probably 'the fall' of the current government. As issues like the problem of GST - which was implemented at the wrong time and the fall of the money value - ridiculously low now remains, it is hard to see them staying afloat for a few more months. *grabs popcorn*

**

I love talking to my friends about how living in the UK has 20% VAT whenever we buy items and goods there. It is a hefty cost compared to what we are experiencing now in the country but, I did not really hear any complaints about it at all. You know why? In UK, the basic minimum wage is around 5 pound an hour, and just by converting the amount into MYR, you will be utterly shocked at that figure. Not only that, in UK, for us international students, who presumably cooks everyday for our meals, probably spend around 20 pounds a week at most for the groceries. Dude, you can earn that shit just by working 4 hours in the UK. Convert it into MYR and you probably have to work for 3 days, 24 hours.

Man, see how crazy it is. The answer to GST is simple, we are not ready for it. When our income is not growing, the implementation of GST is not going to impact the peoples' live positively in every aspect at all. Is the government blind to see this fact, or do they just need more cash urgently for whatever reasons.

**

Recently, my friend Facebook messaged me and wished me good luck. I asked him 'For what?'. He told me to look at the exchange rate and told me that spending in the UK would be tough for me from now on.

To be fair, I don't even wanna look at the exchange rate anymore.. it is a major disappointment. 

For a country filled with the wealth of natural resources, the failure to recover from this free fall of exchange rates will definitely put it's own future, economically, in jeopardy....

To save a sinking ship however, it needs a great captain,

but, what if our captain has already plotted his escape,

and we are just fools drowning in this sinking ship?

Speechless, (Oh the irony..)

Jayden

Definition of Success

Success, in Google dictionary, is defined as 'the accomplishment of an aim or purpose'. It is merely a word to describe the outcome of a situation, nevertheless, the view of 'success' can be very subjective.

We cannot run away from this word in reality. Being born into not only an Asian but a Chinese family, this word has already been imprinted into my life, I believe, even before I am born. The typical Chinese community has a overwhelming sense of pride, and can be seen quite clearly that 'success' seems to be a trait that can be used to show off or act as a comparison tool. This therefore, results in the term 'kiasu' - afraid of losing, a term which Malaysians love to use to label the Singaporeans. 

Over the years of having exams, I had literally no stress in facing them. I do not worry about the thought of facing the exams and have no idea why. Not even the gruesome A-levels paper inflicted the level of stress which actually cause me to worry about the papers. To me, if you study, you will not fail, that's that. Unless, the individual has something at stake or did not study at all, then undeniably the stress level can be high prior to exams.

This though, might be the explanation for me to not achieve the best possible results for ANY of my examinations. I could only get average results or above average results at best. However, unlike some of my peers, I treat examination days just like any usual day and well just want to get the day done with, not thinking of my results. Therefore, when I told friends about what I think about when facing my exams, some of them are quite envious.

Success, however, in the modern community is used as a comparison between individual. As an individual you might acknowledge your success, but from the society you can be a failure. I guess this is one of the reasons of how stress emerge and conquer the minds of people, especially the young ones. 

A clear example would be seeing how parents like to compare their children's results among each other. This is one scenario that never fails to happen every time after the results of the latest examinations were released. There can be four type of parents, those who simply don't care about the results at all,  those who care about the improvement of their own child and awards the child when improvement is seen, those who care about the improvement but punishes the child for not being able to achieve results same as his peers, and those who just show off their children. Social comparison theory tells us that people compare to know their standards in the society.. fair enough. Other than that, it also tells us that people tend to compare with people weaker than them to feel better. Therefore, all I can say is don't be that kind of parents who just want to show off how well your children did. It's stupid. A well-known fact, our country's education is deteriorating, and the demand of tuition for the children of every household is on the rise, even during the period of primary school. Doesn't that mean those parents who are able to send their children to tuition has an advantage in getting the best outcome? Sending children to as many tuition as possible, robbing their childhood.., albeit getting the best results, is that success to you? 

Like I said, success is subjective. I can be rich and it is  success to me, but to the richer ones, they might call me a failure. Thus, in this scenario, it tests the strength of will power, do you accept yourself as a successful person or a failure? Are you going to care about what other people think? This is basically how thoughts get swindled and when people fall into this trap, confidence gets destroyed. 

As long as you believe on the dictionary definition of success, you can basically lead a happy life as I believe most people can accomplish their aim. Obviously, this also depends on what are you trying to aim for and how much effort did you put in to accomplish it. Basically what I am trying to say is to achieve success for yourself and not what other want you to be. Just live your way and fuck what other thinks about you. 

Whenever you are being compared, just think of the basis of Social Comparison Theory - they are just trying to compare with you to think of where they stand in the society, that doesn't mean you are at the bottom, it is just that they are one step above you. Rather than having the thought of you are the failure and he/she is the successor, just think that both of you are successful and that he/she is more successful than you.

Use that as your motivation to strive for greater heights.

I firmly believe that there is no failure in life, and as long as you are here in this world, there is always 'success' for you to find. And it's up to you to decide whether to hunt for it or not.

Signing off,

Jayden

Stuck.

There's always a good side and a bad side for everything. Nothing can be completely beneficial or disruptive, it all depends on how one sees it and perceives it. Therefore, there might be actually no wrong to somebody's thinking and action because to them, it is the right thing to do. The usage of the words 'Human Rights' further enhance this effect, negating the judgement and the condemns of the society towards what we are doing - which can be wrong itself but not in our eye. How many times do we hear advises such as, 'stop smoking, you will have bad health.' Well, to be honest, we are all going to die one day, regardless in an accident, or ultimately out of deteriorating health.

I am not supporting the usage of cigarettes here, rather I want to pinpoint the fact society overemphasize the fact that smoking cigarettes is bad. Since a very young age, I was told by my father to stay away from them as they were bad for health and people get addicted to it. These rather 'wise' words contributed to me thinking that smokers are automatically 'bad people' at that time. Over the years, I have thought about it, why do people still have the idea that smoking is bad entirely?

Just because of health and addiction?

How about shopaholics? How about gamers? How about caffeine addicts?

Why do smokers receive so much attention?

*

After 2 weeks in Malaysia, I am dejected at the fact that I am still unable to get an internship or a job. For the internship, it was just wishful thinking that any company in this country would actually offer me an opportunity. First  year student. Psychology student. Joker. The internships that I have applied to did not even have Psychology under their required subjects.

I have also applied to a customer service job, which they have not return to me yet.. fingers crossed man.

*

However, to be honest, I just want to relax and meet up with my friends for these 2 months.

Growing mushrooms at home is actually not a bad idea too.

If I am able to get an internship in UK next year, I will be spending 2 straight years there, and hypothetically, if I am able to get a job right after I graduate, it would be a road of no return.

So.. what now?

Sincerely,

Jayden

Is there true kindness?

The first year of psychology has treated me well.

Contents in some of my modules have enlightened me about the simplicity of human thought process. Reading mind directly is impossible, but with analysis of the facial expression, human gesture, and context of the surrounding, I believe it is fairly easy to at least make a guess about what the person could be experiencing at that particular moment. One thing is for sure though, this first year has taught me well and have encouraged me to think in a perspective well beyond the norm.

Recently, it was disturbing really, for dark thoughts to fill my mind as I let my eyelids fall. This traces back to my first semester, a lecture in social psychology in particular. Mr. Morton, my lecturer (also my personal tutor) was explaining and also questioning about the existence of true altruism. I was completely absorbed in his lecture. For years, I have always thought that helping can either be genuine, or with a motive behind (a reward, an expectancy of receiving help in return). Helping does lead to communication between people which then contributes to our networking, which is a "skill-set" many companies highly value nowadays, thus, beneficial in some ways to us. However, what struck me the most was Thomas's third argument towards altruism.

We help because we do not want to feel bad for not helping.
Not helping puts us in an aversive state. We help to reduce this state.

I can vividly remember, when I first saw this sentence in the lecture hall, all my concentration fell onto it. I thought of the times where I helped people, and tried to apply this concept in each of those situations.. and no matter how hard I tried to deny, the idea of helping always fall between, "I should help, because he is suffering"  (feeling bad if you don't help), "I should help because it's my responsibility" (feeling bad because if you don't help, you are abandoning your responsibility), "I should help because it benefits BOTH party". (Since it benefits me as well, so why not?)

Have a think about it. Are you sure you are giving genuine help? A help which does not cost you anything? Of course, thinking at the surface level would lead you to the answer 'Yes, why not?', but try to think more in depth, and you will find the reason behind helping somebody might not be as obvious.

**

After having lectures on Classic Studies in Psychology, it further shatters my idea of what people call 'a kind person'.

There is no kind person, just a situation which allows someone to be kind.

Zimbardo's Prison Experiment and Milgram's Obedience Study. These two studies are disturbing, and had never failed to send chills down my spine whenever I revised the studies - aim, procedures, results, for my exams in midnight.

To give you a brief outline,

for ZPE,

Healthy student volunteers were recruited and placed in a simulated prison, which was designed with the help of a prisoner who was in jail for 10+ years. Basically, volunteers were given roles, either as prisoners or guards and the aim of the study was to test whether the students conformed to their roles.. and they did. Yes, the guards basically harmed the students, abused them, treated them as if they were real prisoners, but in fact, they all belonged at the same level in reality, they were students.

It took only 3 days for the students to be emotionally disturbed.

Not only that, the experiment only lasted about 6 days before parents of "prisoners" threatened to sue Zimbardo. 

The experiment portrayed realism and it shows how giving someone a powerful role can totally change their perspectives completely, no matter how similar they have been to you before this.

On the bright side, the experiment was bombarded with many debates and controversy, so it could not 100% justify human nature itself.. however, in my book, the initial results of the study was potent enough to suggest that all of us have a dark side in our subconscious mind, and it will shine when given an opportunity.

*

I am a fan of Ryan Higa's videos and have been following him since his 'How to be a ..' videos  in the early years. 2 years back, he released a video called Most Annoying People on the Internet and named them MAPOTI in short. Two types of MAPOTI he had suggested in the video was 'The Attention Whore' and 'Overly Deep Person'. People like these never fail to take selfies and photos and pair them with captions which do not have any relation (literally 0% meaning) to the photos. The most common ones I have often seen nowadays happen to be selfies following a emotional love quote, a quote showing how lonely you are and you need a partner, or even trivial matters. An example would be a photo with 'I can't fall asleep' printed at the caption column.

FFS. If this is not attention seeking, I don't know what is. Narcissism.. hmm.. maybe? (They tend present themselves as perfect or good-looking as possible in those photos especially.)

Please if you are desperate for love, go look for it. A photo of yourself would not stop you from being lonely, unless people's commends and comments are actually what you really want. If you can't sleep, find a way to sleep. I still do not understand the logic behind 'I can't sleep so I am going to take a pic of myself.'

Hey, do you still remember the times when photos are only used to capture a memorable event? A memory which you want it to be frozen in time so you can look back X years later and say, 'Wow, I remembered I had great fun.' or in some cases.. 'I used to know this person very well..'.

The technology is improving leaps and bounds, from camera, to a phone camera, then front phone camera and now we have selfie sticks abundantly available in the market.

It seems like the purpose of taking photos has evolved with time as well.

Or maybe, the development of technology is just too good of an opportunity to unleash the potential of attention-seeking and narcissism in humans.

A selfie or photo of others is harmless and it doesn't relate to me in any way, but it can sometimes be very irritating to see.

I wonder why?

P.S. The content of my post is not targeted to any particular person, just a common scenario which I have experienced.


Signing off,

Jayden

Note to self

Exams are coming in two weeks and I am still here taking a chill pill.

The urgency to study is just not there, however, I have made preparations for it which I feel sufficient enough for me to at least pass the exams. I do want to reach for the moon and go for an overall first-class for my first year, but it seems that the motivation is just not there. There seem to be someone, an illusory figure - something like a 'lil-jay' lying deep inside my consciousness, telling me to relax and play some DotA. That being said, my improved self-control has allowed me to limit the number of games which I play everyday (none at all, sometimes), which I should feel pretty proud of. Yeah, I think after this blog post, I should really go into overdrive and set my mind on the right target.

It has been a great Easter break, but I might just have to leave my updates until after the exams.

So, in this blog post, I will just resort to talking about some of my feelings, mood and some self-reflection.

After leaving college for about a year, I realize more and more of my friends have gotten into a relationship, some from the college, some from the university. It's great to see photos of some of them who are more public with their relationship and it seems like they are having a great time with their partners. Subconsciously, this made me think a lot about being in a relationship, the effects, pros and cons, and the feeling and meaning it gives to a person. To be honest, I missed being in a relationship.. and my last one, although not that long, was certainly enough to provide a great sense of how being liked by a girl feels like and how liking her and the willingness to do anything to be around her feels like. However, in the other part of consciousness, it is reminding me of how being tied to someone means that many issues will come into play, and it will take time to maintain a long-term relationship. Responsibility, trust and minor things such as maintaining the interest of the partner and his/her expectancy, all play a vital role in maintaining a not only healthy but also blissful relationship. It not only requires a lot of effort but most importantly, sacrifice.

Yes, the rage of DotA is back. I have been trying to take a have fun and pure enjoyment approach towards the game but sometimes for me, in-game flaming (scolding, blaming, etc..)  is unavoidable. Little do I have any idea behind the reason of my eagerness to win in a mere online game which amounts to nothing when it is over. As a multi-player game which requires people to work together together to achieve an objective, communication between the players is paramount. Playing with random teammates, it is my obligation to give out some instructions/opinions of what is happening in real-game situations. Here comes the most important part. Sometimes, people just either:
a) don't respond
b) respond with a language from another country
c) make a counter argument
d) starts flaming
e) follows

Let me tell you, for the case of c), I would listen if they actually tell me what are they planning to do as this acts at a signal to me that you are actually aware of the current situation.

The worst kind of players, in my opinion, are players who don't communicate and expect people to know what they are thinking, and the worst part is, there are some of my friends who are this type of player. This leads to definite flaming as the rules are simple. Let me break it down. Imagine telling someone what your plans as you see an opportunity for the goal, that person doesn't respond to you, and you went for the opportunity but ended up being dead because you are outnumbered (2-1, 3-2, 4-3 in this case) by the opposing team. I have always been a keyboard warrior in games, because I want people to know my next move, and most of the times people just ignore and don't say a shit. For fuck sake, if you want to play a team game, learn to communicate and stop hiding behind the screen and judge. Sometimes I think a little flaming can sometimes have a positive impact on the game despite the usage of harsh sentences as people actually discuss about the situation.

I am not a pro gamer or anything, but you don't have to be a pro gamer to learn how to work as a team.

One of the modules of my exams is titled, Human Development, Cognition and Emotion. I can already envision my downfall in this paper. Human thoughts man, I mean I went through the lecture notes of my module and could understand 90% of the contents, but to pick apart the contents and answer the questions individually just feels like an impossible task. Due to the fact that there are too many abstract information, numerous theories and experiments that can be tested regarding the brain, it is going to be a struggle to fit everything in my working memory. Too much on-going proactive interference. (Learning of a new subject affects the memory of the previous subject),

Somebody help help help help.

Sincerely,

Jayden-requires-your-help-if-anyone-ever-reads-this-post