Trauma

When I was standard 6, I wasn't expose to any horror films, any scary manga, novels, anime or all sorts. I was an innocent kid back then, living without fear, being optimistic all the time, being absorbed to every little things I did.

And one day, everything changed.

It was a hot evening, I was in my study room. The house was quiet, only the sound of the television of what my mother's watching could be heard coming from downstairs. I was in a dreamy condition as far as I recalled, and all of a sudden, I received a Powerpoint file from my friend. Out of curiosity, I downloaded and opened it

It showed a series of powerpoint slideshows and the story goes..

194x, A girl from Ipoh suicide head down and broke her neck in front of the female changing room, and for a long time, that room is sealed off from the rest. No one know what happened, and what's the reason the room was sealed.

Until one day, a security guard wanted to break the myth and entered the room. He was looking around thinking nothing until, he found himself locked inside the room. He was afraid, and quickly hid under the bench.

I was standard 6 that time, I didn't have any sense of urgency. And this came from my friend, so I thought, it might just be a story.

So I read on.

'I see you'

'I see you now'

And all of a sudden, a female face popped out. It was 3-D.. a girl looking like its from reality with blood flowing out of her eyes. In background screams could be heard. I was fucking shocked.. my whole body trembled, my mind flickered. Quickly, I clicked, hoping that the slideshown will end.

Nope.

As I clicked, the next face came closer. I was fucking scard. And with the next click it finally ended.

"Your slideshow has ended, please click to exit."

I clicked, I was back to reality. But this time my mind's blown, out of proportion, I was like a glass, shattered with shadows of the face imprinted on it. I was mad. I could still remembered, It was close to my tuition. And I told my mom, I'm cycling to tuition. Ended up exiting the house, cycling around the neighbourhood, trying to calm myself and remove this trace of shit.

It didn't work.

I couldn't focus in tuition. I still remembered that day. I suffered a mental breakdown. I was worried. I didn't there to look anywhere. I had no mood to talk to my friends. I was afraid to even touch the com and go online. Worst thing still, I had trauma.

That's why, until now, I fear of being shocked.

And now, it all came back. After years of avoiding scary things.

Disturbance.

Recently, Martin showed a horror story in facebook. And Xiang wanted to show me. And so, Martin posted it on my wall. I found myself scrolling down the page on my Samsung. All of a sudden, a photo popped out. I was terrified, right in the middle of moral studies, and quickly screen locked my phone. Martin was sitting in front of me, so I literally threatened him to remove the thing before I even raped his sorry ass.

Thank god, he removed.

I was still okay that time, as I knew what was coming.

But today, I was turning my back talking during the class of Malaysian studies, and suddenly Xiang called me.

I turned my body and immediately my eyes laid on that photo. In that single second, I cursed and immediately turned my eyes away. Again, the image reprinted on my mind. My mind was unstable. I almost broken down into tears. And I know I can't beat the trauma. Fear engulfed me. It always did.

I sat there, with the image flowing in my mind for a few secs. I tried to rest myself, thinking everything would just fade away.

But only thing that came to me my mind was.. Why did she do it?

Why, after I told her that I'm really afraid of such things, and she still showed me and brought fear to me.

I had confessed again and again, I scared of shocking things, disturbing things, shocking things. Things that appeared all of a sudden. And yet, this was what I got.

Many people might feel funny, that this is just the picture, I haven't even read it yet.

But enough is enough, I can't even pass the first stage, what should I take to go to the second.


At that time, I didn't know what was coming, I was thinking of her finding me for a discussion, for a talk, and I ended up with that photo. All of a sudden.

That killed me. And at that thought, I was thinking of killing myself so I do not need to suffer from all these freaky, disturbing things for coming out all of a sudden.

I'm coward. I'm sorry.