Emo phase..?

Dear Diary:

Friday:
Isabel was by my side. Zhong Yih, John, Wyn Yun, Mun Chun, Yi Lin, Xiao Qi.. all by my side when I'm going through the same phase that I thought, I'd never walked again. Yet I did. Yet I did. I had no idea what was the group I used to be in thinking. I really wanna join them, but I was tired, tired of the flow of gossips and secrets.
It's unfair to say that, I had no really no idea, what were they talking all the time. But from the cold treatment from the people I was receiving lately, from that particular group lately.. it seriously hurt me from the inside.

I really don't know what I've been doing wrong lately, somehow I don't feel really welcomed in that area anymore. Yeah, nobody is wrong this time. What if.. What if.. a lot of what if's are flooding in.

Been talking a lot with Zhong Yih lately, and also John. (: Since I'm always remaining constant in my seat, time to time I have been scanning around the area. Mun Chun's completely change into a study geek, to replace the wasted time. Somehow, everybody change. The whole world change. Some people realize.. some people got fucked up. To admit, I always had the feeling that I'm gonna be fucked up this year...

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I had a crush on Isabel before..
The crush stayed on for 4 years..
And in that 4 years, I was constantly shy and afraid to talk to her.
Because of Isabel alone, I left out talking to other girls.
Every time I wanna talk, I got shy.

Just now, Isabel read my dairy, without me knowing. I tried to warn her about my dark thoughts, dark side of me which no one, had ever seen before. Somehow I realized that I'm getting evil and more evil. Shit. I'm suppose to be the mindless and carefree brat that's been living for abt 17 years. Screw.. She read through my dairy, without uttering a single word. And for the very first time, someone praised me for being able to write like that.

After finishing reading, she wrote a few advices on the back pages.



And there I sat alone, reading the advices, with tears flowing..