To Kyan:

'You are not suppose to be hear listening.. Why are you here? You should not be here.. Get away.. please..'

This was what ran through my thoughts when I talked to tek yesterday. I didn't want you to get hurt emotionally. I can be dead serious when it comes to friendship matters.. and my words are like javelins.. I can always throw it to the one I want to talk to.. and in the end.. somebody else gets hurt..

Seeing your tears filling up your eyes.. I couldn't take it.. The conversation still had to go on.. and deep in my heart.. I thanked Bra for bringing you away from the scene.. I didn't want to hurt the others which were innocent throughout this matter. And.. you were one of them..

I didn't know how things turned out like that..
I didn't understand my sudden urge to confess to you.. come to think of it..
It's just that I'm really scard losing you.. after all the things you had done for me.. and vice versa..(I didn't know if I did any..)

To say the truth.. the past me.. already fades.. No matter how well a person does it.. He/she can't return to the past.. anymore.. I'm trying hard.. to turn back.. to find the lost me. The me who keeps quiet, high-gei when nessecary, and only texts about 6 messages per month. Most importantly.. the old me was unable to talk to girls personally. And.. I had no idea why.

I'm scard.. frightened.. at the thought that you won't ever speak to me.. for a very long time being.. It happened to me in F1..with you-know-who.. When she knew that I liked her.. we were dead strangers for the next 2 years. I'm literally too shy to talk to her.. and I'm more involve in my gang of friends than into her. And thoughts fade.

Until now..
I met you.. I had no idea how we had become so close..
Was it because of the game? Was it because of the trip?
I don't know..

The only thing I know is I cherish all the moments with you.. from
Walking out of school.. Sitting beside you.. Your cookies.. Chatting..

Those are great memories for me.. for the first time.. I'm able to get through my invisible girl-shy wall..

Although.. most of the time.. I had to think about what to say.. and often.. I kept quiet.. as I'm not very good with personal talks with girls.. and most importantly, I scard I'm annoying you all this while.. Sometimes I wonder.. Why can't i treat you as openly as the way I treat Xiao Qi and Xin Ying.. and I always try to find a way to annoy you at least.. I got your attention.

And.. all this might end any second now..

And I really don't want it to end just like that..